You're Wasting Your Time

The Body Bag

2012-02-13T23:21:00.000-05:00

Oh, Whitney. This was probably bound to happen, but really, who saw this coming? I'll tell you who saw this coming, Bagel.
Bagel has passed into a territory we've never seen in the You're Wasting Your Time Death Pool. Just 42 days into 2012, Bagel has nailed three celebrities on his 17 person Death Pool. Now part of the credit goes to Jonnie "I'm a two time winner and I have the trophy to prove it" Karp. It was Karp-dog's idea to move from just 10 picks to 17 (he actually recommended 20, and we'll do that next year, it's a lock. Why wouldn't you want more picks?).

However, Bagel is clearly some type of see-er. Some comments about Bagel's 3 for 17 performance so: "He's clearly the Devil. Or God" and "You're starting to make me nervous" and "F*cking Bagel".

Let's just review his list to make sure that you don't see your own name on it:
bagel said...

1. Etta James
2. Ali
3. Nancy Reagan
4. Casey Anthony
5. Richard Branson
6. Joe Pa
7. Dick Chaney
8. Abdelbaset Mohmed Ali al-Megrahi
9. Robin Gibb
10. Roddy Piper
11. Fidel Castro
12. Steve- O
13. Rihanna
14. Gary Carter
15. Lindsay Lohan
16. Artie Lange
17. Whitney Houston

And here are the current standings updated with Whitney's death and her 52 points (100 minus the celebrities age, in Whitney's case she was 48 when she died. So 100-48 equals 52):

1) Bagel (2011 Death Pool Champ)- 3 deaths and 94 points (Etta James,Joe Pa and Whitney Houston)
2) David- 1 death for 27 points (Joe Pa)
3) Me- 1 death for 27 points (Joe Pa)
4) Mike- 1 death for 27 points (Joe Pa)
5) James- 1 death for 27 points (Joe Pa)
Now that we've gone through the grisly task of , let's move onto the part of the blog where we celebrate the recently deceased. With Whitney, there's lots to choose from. She has joined the same club as Joe Pa and Michael Jackson are in where they will all be much better off when it comes to how people will view them.

Instead of hearing stories about a disheveled Whitney getting arrested in the bathroom of an Arby's because she smeared her own feces all over herself, Bobby Brown and the curly fry cook we'll just think back on her many impressive live performances. Here's one of her 103 mph fastballs (from the 1994 Grammy's):

And here's a throw back from 1987, it's Whitney singing The Greatest Love of All:

And if you'd like a longer list, this video is some guy's Top 10 list of the greatest Whitney live performances ever (this is actually pretty good):

So there you go, the latest Death Pool update. I'll be back later this week with some pretty solid Entertainment, including everything you'll need to know about Lin-sanity. Have a good week, everybody!

Super Wrap Up

2012-02-09T23:33:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of more things on the Super Bowl before we close things down for the off season. First, I recommend the Sound FX from the Super Bowl, especially Justin Tuck's pregame speech to his D. It's good. The whole episode is good. From the safety (Brady's explanation and Belichick's explanation to the ref) on through the Hail Mary. They broke it up in to three parts for some reason, here's the link to Part 1:http://www.nfl.com/videos/auto/09000d5d826c94b4/SB-XLVI-Sound-FX-Giants-strike-first

Also, check out the latest Jimmy Kimmel prank. This time Jimmy challenges people to turn off the TV during the Super Bowl. Now this is pretty messed up. People behave the way you would expect them to behave. This is how homicides happen people. I mean, some of these people are die hard Giants fans (judging by the jersey's) and someone turned off the TV midway through the Hail Mary. And they may have turned off not just the TV but the DVR, too.

Now I understand that you want to be on Jimmy Kimmel, I just hope you get to watch TV in the ICU. I would hate for you to miss it:

Also, the Super Bowl commercials, we didn't hit those. Here is my most favorite commercial because it's taking out cats and it being ok. Not just ok, but hilarious! Just like real life!

More Entertainment! I hate Duke. But I love buzzer beaters. Bonus points if you can pinpoint the moment when Dicky V hits his refractory period.

Think homosexual marriage protests are all serious? Well you're wrong!
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6jml

This link is more to tell you that Mad Men is starting up on March 25th:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6jdp

Did you see Will Ferrell do the player introductions for the Hornets/Bulls game?
http://eye-on-basketball.blogs.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/22748484/34767623

Here's Roger Goodell's letter to the fans. I like that guy:
http://view.ed4.net/v/TU8DIE9/RBX0/77Z6L2W/K9M9GZ/MAILACTION=1&FORMAT=H

In part because he's working on the safety of the game and it's players. And then they come up with cool commercials like this:
http://youtu.be/CPr4-P19NtE

Ok, that's all for now. Don't forget to hit the Car Show in Baltimore this weekend. It'll be awesome!

Super Ending

2012-02-06T23:32:00.004-05:00

With the Giants win last night in the Super Bowl, we get to settle up for this year's You're Wasting Your Time Four Team Draft NFL V. This season my brother James was as terrible. He finished the regular season in last place. Dead last. With 27 points, probably looking at owing a couple of hundred dollars.
But he chose the Gints. and while they began their journey as the first ever 9-7 team to win the Super Bowl, James road those coat tails and came out $20 ahead! You just never know. As long as you have one team alive in these contests you have a punchers chance.

Here's how our final standings shook out after all is done. Players, please send me your money if you ended up owing money, so I can get Jonnie Karp his winnings. It's the least we can do for this poor New England fan who missed out on seeing one of his teams win the 9th Championship in 10 years. Pity, really.

Final Totals:	Points	Earnings
Cybergoth Dance Party	46	$148
Brown Dolphins suck Giant Eagles	38	$20
Man Relish	38	$20
Thanks again Roth, bastard! team.	38	$20
Chris Team	37	$4
Best NFL Portfolio Ever!	36	$-12
Al-dogg Patapoff Team	31	$-92
Invincible	30	$-108

Hey, now that football is going away (not for long, though, Free Agency starts on March 13 at 4 PM) it's time to focus on other things. One item that caught my eye is my family! Just kidding. Not really, not really. It's the Warrior Dash! Its a 3 mile run but warriors are involved. Not as cool as zombies, or is it?

Here's a video of the Spartan Race, something similar:

Here's a link to a Warrior Dash video. This one is apparently in North Carolina, and its a little bit slower and a little bit fatter. But that just means this race is more my speed.
http://youtu.be/g6Ywu5JhUSA

Here's a nice article (blog) about Brett Oliverio leaving the Sports Junkies to run his late brother's hot dog joint outside of ECU. The place is called Sup Dog, and if I'm ever in the area I will definitely drop by bite to eat:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/junkies-producer-bret-oliverio-leaves-sports-radio-for-restaurants/2012/02/06/gIQAXcuxtQ_blog.html

Oh, and check out what came across my You're Wasting Your Time google alert, some zero has a blog titled You're Wasting Your Time.
http://pro-or-noob-thatslife.tumblr.com/post/16951833762/this-explains-alot-actually

Unbelievable! Isn't there any kind of copyright honor among bloggers? You will know if you are on my blog because I won't have any chapters on my blog called Poems, My Fav Music, or Tis I.

I hope this doesn't over-saturate the You're Wasting Your Time blog market. I was hoping this blog would put my children through college, somehow.

Alright, that's all I've got. I'll be back later this week, with the Motor Trend Baltimore Car Show among other things. Have a great week!

Super Weekend

2012-02-03T00:43:00.001-05:00

Guess what I learned a couple of days ago? I learned that you can't return any music that you buy on iTunes. How did I come to find this out? I found this out because I wanted to buy Eminem's first two albums and I got $40 worth of iTunes gift cards just burning a hole in my wallet.

Now, when I went to purchase the Slim Shady LP and the Marshall Mathers LP, but then there was a choice to be made. Clean version or Explicit version? Now, obviously in a perfect world I would get the Explicit version and be done with it.

But now that Ethan is nearly 5 years old, if he listens to an explicit Eminem song he runs the risk of not just retaining it, but repeating and possibly letting those lyrics be his guiding light in life. So I opted for the clean version. And as it turns out, the clean version of those CD's are unlistenable. All they do is just blank out the cuss words, so there are entire verses where you don't hear anything and then he says you! I'm missing a lot of quality lyrics.

I also learned that you really shouldn't be a pussy when it comes to Eminem. I'm not buying the album for the musical score.

Alright, it's late. So I'm moving right into the good stuff. Here is the Super Bowl edition of Entertainment. Here is this year's "Here's what I want for the Super Bowl, hon. Better get going. That pepperoni isn't going to form a wall of the stadium by itself" award:

This History of the World according to Facebook January 2012 is really well done, me thinks:

http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6699476/news-feed-history-of-the-world-january-2012

Here's another race that's in the same vein as the Run for Your Lives zombie race. This one is in Mechanicsburg, MD. I will seriously look into this:

http://www.warriordash.com/

Ok, that's all I've got for now. Enjoy the Super Weekend, go Giants (only for gambling purposes) and lets hope it's a good game. It should be a close game. I don't see either team getting blown out. I also hope for a kick ass Super Bowl spread. I have to get on that.

Have a good one everybody!

Nothing

2012-01-30T23:17:00.000-05:00

I've got nothing. I'm just trying to figure out what to do with myself now that football's nearly over. I always thought that the weekend before the Super Bowl is a nice way of the NFL letting you ease back into LWOF (Life Without Football). I've watched a lot of movies, but who cares, right? Everyone watches movies.
But do lots of people hate the Ides of March? God, I hope so. I wish someone had said, "Yeah, this is a pretty good movie as long as you like movies that have a week plot line and and virtually no ending. If you liked Vanilla Sky, you'll like Ides of March". Instead, I had to watch it. I was even wondering if this movie would be the trigger on me getting back into politics.

Well, that certainly didn't help. I was debating getting the Matt Damon political movie The Adjustment Bureau, but it only got a 7.1 on IMDB and Ides of March got a 7.4! That's not a good sign and that's not going to make me rush and get Adjustment Bureau to the top of my Queue.

But, again, who cares, right? It's not like you're watching the movie with me, right? So here you go, here's some Primus. Because who couldn't use a little more Primus in their life:

One more cool video, here's the 60 Minute piece on Leon Panetta, the Secretary of Defense. I am really impressed by him. Especially his reasoning for not telling Pakistan that we were going in to take out Osama.
http://youtu.be/NZWyrJgtsKk

And this link reminds me of two things. One, Tosh.0 starts up tonight. And two, this is the funniest picture I've ever seen.
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/2012/01/23/dick-pic/

Lastly, I tried this crock pot recipe and it is as delicious as it is easy. Just make sure you get good kaiser rolls to go with the sandwiches. And some onions and tomatoes. And that's it. Try it next time you want to crock pot:
http://southernfood.about.com/od/beefandbeerrecipes/r/bl95c13.htm

Ok, that's it for now. Have a good rest of the week. Good luck acclimating back into the LWOF.

Ravens and Entertainment

2012-01-26T21:50:00.000-05:00

I've got a lot of Entertainment to get to, but before I do, I just got done watching the Sound FX for the Raven's v. Patriots game this past Sunday and that is a difficult game to watch. It's important that I state that as a Redskins fan, and that's it.
My mom gave our youngest a set of pajamas this Christmas as a gift. But it was a Ravens set of pajamas. She thought that since the Skins were out of the playoffs again, and since I live near Baltimore, that I would be rooting for the Ravens.

I promptly gave those pajamas to Bagel. Our son will not have purple Ravens gear against his skin. Never. And it's not like we have a ton of pj's either. We have like 2 pairs, and one of them has a huge hole in it. I can't tell you how many times we've come into his bedroom and he's shivering due to no pj's and no working heater. He would love to have those pj's.

But back to last Sunday's game. I watched that game on Sound FX with Gronkowski and T-Sizzle miked up. First, the Ravens D is awesome. I love that defense. They are a bunch of characters. T-Sizzle's great and a Ray Ray is doing all those things that Ray Ray does. They sell out on almost every play.
That interception that was tipped and then caught in the end zone is a great example of that. I feel the worst for those guys with the way the game ended. But then they probably were the most professional in their response to the loss:
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/01/25/after-loss-ray-lewis-told-ravens-this-makes-us-stronger/

Also, I feel terrible for Ravens fans. That loss was one of the worst I ever saw. That one will stay with you for a while. It seemed like the Ravens were going to be more excited to go to overtime than the Patriots. You've probably seen this already, but here's the Ravens fan freaking out after that game. Please be careful, this is loud and definitely Not Safe For Work. Man do I wish this video didn't end so abruptly:

Also, one more thing I found out by watching this. Karp looks like Matt Light. No kidding. If Karp grew a beard, he would look just like Matt Light. Ok, you know what I did a Matt Light beard Google image search and the results were unpleasant. So just click on this link and got to the last 10 seconds of the video (I think it's around 4:25 or so) and wait for Matt Light giving his locker room speech. BAM! Jonnie Karp with a beard.

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-films-sound-efx/09000d5d8265c8ff/Sound-FX-Ravens-vs-Patriots-2nd-half?module=HP11_content_stream

Ok, now onto some Entertainment. My brother David passed along this video of a reporter "dying in this country-ass effed up town". By the way, this was much funnier the second and third time I watched it:
http://youtu.be/lmxL8prI0iE

My brother James pointed out that the same guy was a Tosh.0 web redemption:
http://youtu.be/M_cd70AJZH4

My sister Angela passed along this link from Corning, called a Day of Glass. It's bad ass. I can not wait for this to happen.

This clip is from the 1995 AFC Championship game with the current head coach of the 49ers was the QB for the Colts that season. The most shocking thing for me was that there was a time that you could rip your helmet off celebrating in the middle of a game. Thank god that was outlawed:

http://youtu.be/d5hxVk9XdUE

Ok, that's all I've got for this week. Have a great weekend.

The Fast and the Furiosly Dead

2012-01-24T00:19:00.002-05:00

Well, ever since the 2012 Death Pool trophy made it's official appearance on this blog, celebrities everywhere are clamoring to be one of the first to make it on the list.
By my count, just this past weekend we had two celebrities die that were prominently involved in this year's Pool. So here's how we arrived at our current standings.

Etta James. Singer. Died on Friday, at the age of 73,just five days short of her 74th birthday. I did not put her on my list, because I really didn't know too much about her. I don't think my ipod has a single Etta James song on it. But she did have a couple of smash hits, including this one:

Others, however, put Etta on their list. And for that, the following were awarded first place Friday night with one death and 27 points:

1) Bagel (reigning champion of death), 1 death and 27 points.
1) David, 1 death and 27 points.

Saturday night and Joe Paterno was a little trickier. I happened to hop on twitter sometime on Saturday night and the Twitterverse had exploded with reports of Paterno's death. After a little more digging and some return texts did it become clear that Paterno was not dead, yet. Apparently the Penn State student news group Onward State had jumped the gun and falsely reported the death of their school's most beloved faculty member over the past 60 years. Whoops!

As it turns out, they weren't too far off. Sunday morning the student news group the Washington Post sent an alert saying that it's been confirmed that Joe Paterno died early Sunday morning.

Now, this is going to open up a ton of arguments and emotions from both sides of the Penn State/Sandusky saga. I think that this is probably going to be best for the Joe Pa legacy. Now, people won't have to dig and try to find out what Joe knew and when and whether or not Joe had ever been introduced to "rape of a man". Now, people can focus on Sandusky and all the other ass-clowns in charge at Penn State who let do things that racked up a 42 (forty two!) indictments and counting.

And the people that went to Penn State or grew up a Penn State fan can remember Joe Pa the way they always thought they would. As someone who was a great football coach, who loved his players, students and the school itself. I mean, look at how everyone remembers Michael Jackson now. Hardly anyone mentions the grape kool-aid/kid touching anymore. They just debate whether or not Thriller was the best album ever (it might be, certainly it's the best album of the 80's).

Of course, Paterno's death also meant that we've got some movement in the Death Pool standings, just 36 hours after our first death. Here's what those current standings look like, just 23 days into the new year:

1) Bagel (2011 Death Pool Champ)- 2 deaths and 42 points (Etta James and Joe Pa who was 85 when he died. Remember, you take the deceased celebrity's age, subtract it from 100, and that's how you get the number of points awarded for each death in the event of a tie).
2) David- 1 death for 27 points
3) Me- 1 death for 27 points
4) Mike- 1 death for 27 points
5) James- 1 death for 27 points (also, James finished the regular season dead last in the franchisefantasysports.com 4 Team Draft, but he picked the Giants. Now, because of the run he's on James has a chance to finish in the money if the Giants win in a couple of weeks! The 4 Team Draft is awesome).

So there you go, a nice consolation prize for Bagel after this weekend's game. I'm pretty sure that game was the worst losses I've ever seen. I do think that it's unfair to say that Lee Evans should have caught that ball. That defender came down with a giant karate chop on both arms before he could even get two feet down. I don't think that's on the Cyclone.

The missed field goal is all Billy Cundiff. Apparently it's the field goal kicker's responsibility to use the timeout if he feels rushed. He botched it. And nobody, I mean NOBODY thought that he was going to miss that kick. Not the announcers, not the Ravens, not the fans, not the Redskins fans who were watching in their living room thinking that the Ravens were going to take all the momentum into overtime.

Just an awful way to lose, and I suspect a very weird way to win if you are a Patriots fan. Should make for a good Super Bowl, and I'm curious to see if any Ravens fans will be watching. Might be too painful. Too soon.

Ok, that's all for now, I'll have more later this week, plus a ton of Entertainment. Have a good week!

Brotherly Blog

2012-01-19T23:36:00.001-05:00

This blog is going to be just like Ray Rice, short, powerful and there's a chance this could be a game changer.

First, the game changer. My brother David followed up on a Jonnie Karp idea sometime earlier this month, when Jonnie said he would like to come up with a trophy for the Death Pool winner to claim. Of course it is a great idea. And of course Jonnie Karp was never going to do it.

My brother David decided to pick up those reigns and low and behold I got an email yesterday that had the subject, "Look what I did".

I was thrilled to find that instead of looking at a dead, hooker slumped over a kilo of coke, I was looking at this, the 2012 Death Pool Championship trophy!

Wow. That's awesome. Now, that makes it all worth it, doesn't it. Thank you for your hard work, David.

Lastly, my brother James sent along this picture, that will settle in as our Clip o' the Week and this week's Entertainment:

Good times. Ok, that's it for this week. Have a great weekend. Good luck to everyone involved in the Karp/Bagel Bowl. And go Niners!

The Four Team Draft: Championship Edition

2012-01-16T23:33:00.002-05:00

There are just Four Teams remaining in our Four Team Draft and I figured I'd run down our current standings and see who's still got a dog in the hunt.
So here we go, from first to worst:

1) Cybergoth Dance Party (aka Jonnie Karp); 43 points +$120
Team remaining: Partiots
Jonnie picked three playoff teams this year (Pats, Texans and Bengals) and for that he will be rewarded handsomely. Good for you Jonnie. Now you go up against the Ravens, a team the Patriots are very familiar with. They've had a couple of run ins the past few years (the Ravens almost knocked off the Pats during the 18-1 season and then the Ravens took the Pats out in New England during the playoffs two years ago.

This year? Tom Brady sure seems pissed off right now. He and the Pats literally crucified Tim Tebow and the Broncos Saturday night. It will be interesting to see if that carries over to Sunday and the Ravens. I'm really looking forward to this weekend's games.

2) Man Relish (aka Bagel); 38 points +$40
Teams Remaining: Ravens
Another hometown pick paying off. The Ravens took care of business against Yates in a game where they didn't commit any penalties and didn't have any turnovers. That means they are well coached. And their defense rose to the occassion when they absolutely had to.

I was surprised to hear on the radio this morning that Ed Reed had a number of critics who thought he shouldn't be playing or he should hang it up or something. I will not believe this. Ed Reed is one of those players who gets to dictate to his coaches when he plays or doesn't at this stage, right? He's incredible! Especially in big moments of big games.

I did find out another reason why Flacco rubs me the wrong way (c'mon over some night and I'll show you how to rub me the right way), I did a Google search on "Why does Flacco have a mustache?" and I came across this article written right after the mustache started:
http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2011-11-25/sports/bal-sportsblitz-joe-flacco-fu-manchu-mustache1125_1_joe-flacco-mustache-fu-manchu

and it had this little nugget in the article:
"Dennis Pitta actually has it, too,” Flacco said. “Just trying to get everybody to do it, trying to get everybody to get on the bandwagon here on our offense. It's kind of tough convincing everybody. A lot of great teams, they always have their signature thing that they go through a season with, and we're just trying to create one."

Can't you see him standing in front of the team...."Ok, everyone, start growing a fu manchu. When anyone asks you why, tell them because we're the Ravens and we're going to win the Super Bowl! Sound good? Mr. Lewis? (I imagine that Ray-Ray doesn't allow Flacco to call him by his first name or eye-ball him) T-Sizzle? Who's with me! Let's gooooooo!"

3) Thanks Again Roth, You Bastard (aka Oneface) 38 points, +$40
Team remaining: none
But, Oneface and his wife (Mrs. Oneface) just had their 2nd baby girl. So congrats to the four of you! You can look at your new baby girl in the eyes and say, "Daddy is a winner".

4) Chris' Team (me) 37 points, +$24
Team remaining: 49ers
While I want to steer clear of hyperbole, the Saints Niner's playoff game was one of the best playoff games I've ever seen. Four lead changes in the last 3 1/2 minutes. And incredible plays by the most unlikely of characters.

Suddenly, with Harbaugh as a coach, Alex Smith is a clutch QB who can go toe to toe with the best QB's in the league and can come away victorious. Vernon Davis (UMD Alum) has gone from player that you "can't win with" and "don't want him, don't need him" to the MVP of the Niners, at least in that game. It was awesome.

5) Best NFL Portfolio Ever (aka Deano) 36 points, +$8
Teams remaining: none

6) Al-Dogg Patapoff Team, (aka Patapoff) 31 points, -$72
Teams remaining: none

7) Brown Dolphins suck Giant Eagles (aka James) 31 points, -$72
Teams remaining: Giants
The improbably Giants run is helping James out the most (obviously). If the Giants win it all, James will finish in the money. And that's why this league is so awesome. As long as you have one team remaining, you are never totally out of it.

8) Invincible (aka David) 30 points, -$88
Teams remaining: none

OK, one more thing, if you haven't read it yet, check out Sally Jenkins interview with JoePa. The first such interview since the Sandusky stuff went down.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/joe-paternos-first-interview-since-the-penn-state-sandusky-scandal/2012/01/13/gIQA08e4yP_print.html

Unfortunately, Sally Jenkins did a weak-ass job of interviewing and asking any tough follow up questions, so you're not going to get too much from this article and the interview.

I'm sure JoePa isn't the devil, but I can't get past how you would just pass on and delegate something as serious as child rape. Haven't heard of rape. Please. What the hell are you talking about? The folks at Deadspin do a good job of summing up one take on the interview:
http://deadspin.com/5876432/joe-paterno-wants-us-to-believe-he-has-never-heard-of-rape-and-a-man-joe-paterno-is-full-of-shit

OK, let's not finish on a child rape story. I have a question for you. Did yesterday's Dilbert comic take a shot at being a political cartoon?
http://www.dilbert.com/2012-01-15/

It seemed to me that they are pointing out how wasteful and inefficient our government is right now, but we keep voting the same ass-clowns into office, so what do you expect?

Should I vote for Ron Paul? Colbert?

Alright, that's all for now. More later this week.

The Best Football of the Year

2012-01-12T23:10:00.001-05:00

Just take a look at the games this weekend. The weekend kicks off with the Niners and the Saints. I like New Orleans, the city. I like their QB. I like their coach. However, I have the Niners in the 4 Team Draft, sooo let's go San Fran! Either way, we will see if the Niner's D is able to slow down Brees and his sick, sick run that he is currently on.
Saturday Night it's Tebow Time! They will have their hands full traveling to NE. I hope it's exciting but my fear is that this is a replay of last year's Seahawks (who shocked the world by beating the Saints and then promptly got their ass beat back down to Earth the following weekend).

Sunday features the Ravens and Texans. I already saw some buildings around town have their purple lights up. Good for them. The only fear I have for Ravens fans is Flacco. I fear he may be a dullard. I'm taking my opinion only from the way he looks with his stupid mustache:

and then there's this quote in an article on whether or not Redskins fans should jump ship and cheer for the Ravens this weekend. His take on the matter:

“As many Redskins fans as we could steal that would be huge for us because they have a great following from what I understand. They’re one the franchises that have been around for a while and people love the Redskins so if we could steal some of their fans, I think we'd be doing a pretty good job.”

Ok, thanks a lot Joe. Ok, that's enough. You don't want to be late for your Mensa Meeting.

Lastly, we get to watch the swagger-licious Gints take on the Packers in Lambeau. Will the Gints be the team that is built for a Championship run a la 2007? We all get to find out Sunday evening. This weekend is begging for a crockpot meal and a fire in the fireplace (the highs around here are going to be only in the mid-30's).

So plan accordingly. Crockpot meals need to be in the pot by 7 AM at the latest if you're going to eat it by the evening.

Alright, this week we are going to kick off the Entertainment with this week's clip o' the week is a little drummer boy who rips off his solo and then throws up his lunch (and probably a his breakfast and a little dinner, too):

The summer I moved back to Maryland after college myself and my buddy Chris met a couple of chicks from Scotland. We hung out for about a week. In hanging out with them we realized that Scottish people are totally insane. Scotland might as well be another planet.

They drank more than anyone I've ever met. They told stories about their ex-boyfriends giving them broken pint glasses while the boyfriend would hold down people they fought with in bars. The reason? If the boyfriends got arrested again for fighting and hitting people with broken pint glasses then they would go to jail for a long time. Oh. Ok.

There are other stories about these two lasses that are not appropriate to be shared on this blog. The point is, check out this clip of two angry Scots on some talk show, and you can get a taste for the insanity:
http://youtu.be/F5PGH5_alJ4

I guess this is real. I find it fascinating:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6684765/kel-finally-contacts-kenan

Bowling Fail:
http://youtu.be/3_UibfBas9U

Ok, this reporters scream is lol-funny. Now I know what Pearl Harbor sounded like:http://youtu.be/F1aJkUGJEw8

My brother, James sent me this Finnish Stove link. I would like to give this a try at some point in my life:
http://thechive.com/2012/01/11/a-finnish-stove-is-all-the-rage-inwell-finland-12-photos/

Alright everyone, enjoy your weekend and the games!

Words with Nerds

2012-01-09T23:20:00.003-05:00

I have gotten sooooo much stuff done lately; I made my 17 person Death Pool for 2012, I won the Super Bowl in two out of the three leagues I played in, I watched as Tim Tebow knocked out the Pittsburgh Steelers yesterday putting a serious dent in my 4 Team Draft bank account (actually I didn't get to watch the game. Jake decided to skip napping altogether Sunday and replace it with non-stop, uncontrollable crying starting at around 5 PM. That meant we had to hit the road and head for home, missing the fourth quarter and overtime. I did get to hear it on the radio, and to be honest, that radio call was awesome. I tried to find it, but to no avail. If I come across it I will post it in the Entertainment section of the next blog).

But the point is, I crossed a lot of things off me to-do list. So I decided I should look into wasting my time a bit. I've successfully avoided most time wasting trappings (Angry Birds, World of Warcraft, Bubble Games, poker, whatever. I've done none of it). So when Bagel asked my if I was into the Birmingham booty call, no wait, that was another text. He asked me if I played Words with Friends.

I have not, but I heard the Junkies talk about it as a nice little time waster that can be played at your leisure. Bagel said that he was playing a game with Karp and it was pretty cool. I decided to give it a go, downloaded the app and issued a challenge to both Bagel and Karp.

Well, playing Bagel has been fun, challenging and when I come up with a good word like VOX or EDIT on a double or triple word score, I'm psyched.

Karp on the other hand, is a different story. Now, anyone who has met Karp, read one of his emails or his old blog Extraneous Kickassery knows that Karp is a man of above average intellect. He has a way with the English language, sure.

And if you play him in Words with Nerds, you might think that he is nothing short of a modern day Shakespeare. Let's take a look at some of the words that Jon has used in our first game playing each other, shall we?

LORAL- Of or pertaining to lore, knowledge, learning, etc. Oh, that loral. Of course, I was thrown by that word because I had never heard it or seen it in my entire life. But that's ok, because he put along side another word and that created three other two letter words like:
AR- no definition that I know of or dictionary.com know of. But that's ok.
ZA- This is either the 11th letter in the Arabic alphabet or slang for pizza. Great, because when I try slang, it gets rejected.
EL- dictionary.com tells me that this is the informal word for elevated railroad, like in Chicago, you ride the El. This is similar to the informal word bull.

Now, here's a word that he got 61 points for: JO. Jo means beloved one, darling, sweetheart. Is it worth 61 points? Apparently it is.

QI- This is rich. Thanks to this one, Jonnie got a triple letter score on Q. Do you know what it means? It's another word sometimes used for chi or ch'i. You know, in Oriental medicine it's the vital energy that is believed to circulate around the body in currents. Obviously.
TARE- any various vetches. And there you have it. We have 24 letters left to go and thanks to Jonnie's apparent mastery of Midwestern slang, ancient Chinese medicine, climbing plants that belonging to the genus Vicia, and of course all things pertaining to lore, Jonnie has jumped out to a 315 to 213 point lead.

Now, is it possible that Karp is an idiot savant who somehow mastered all of these seemingly rare and exotic facts and words.........or maybe Jonnie Karp knows a couple of Words with Nerds cheat codes. How do you do up, up, down, down, right, left, right left, A, B, A, B, start on my phone?

Is there some kind of chat room for people like this that I don't know about? I don't take losing well. I will probably challenge Jonnie to another game after this, but is there a way I can block cheat codes? Is there any kind of Standards Board that I can object to? What's my recourse, people? I need recourse!

Ok, I'm done complaining and slandering. More to come later in the week. Don't forget to submit your Death Pool ASAP!

The Heath Ledger Memorial Death Pool 2012

2012-01-06T00:37:00.000-05:00

You know, I don't always feel great coming up with my Death Pool. It's definitely creepy. I hate death. I fear death. I take great care to find out how people die and then do my best to avoid those situations.

So, now that we have this Death Pool, once a year I must go through and find out which 17 people I think Death is hunting. While I'm doing it, I don't like the way I feel about it. However, once I'm done, the fun begins.

And then I get to spend the entire year following Celebrity Deaths! And that's more fun than you can imagine!

Getting a text that says, "Did anyone have Heavy D" or "Check it, Angie had Winehouse. She's the new Master of Death" is great fun.

So without anymore unnecessary ado, here's my 2012 Heath Ledger Memorial Death Pool:

1) Joe Pa- broken hip? Check. Reason for living taken away suddenly? Check. All around failing health? Check. Looks like we have a solid lead off for the my Death list.
2) Zsa Zsa Gabor- at this point I can't pull her off the list. That could be this year's Winehouse. I'm still pissed I left her off.
3) Kirk Douglas- see #2
4) Dick Cheney- wife says someone saw a picture of him and he "didn't look well". That's the type of hot tip that can win you the contest!
5) Wilford Brimley- old and has diabetes. Double threat!
6) Dick Clark
7) Nell Carter
8) Jerry Sandusky- this year's Osama.
9) Dottie Sandusky- maybe a 2 for 1? When the details come out, it maybe too much for her to take.
10) Penny Marshall
11) Jerry Lewis
12) Bill Cosby- this is my, "Man I hope not" pick.
13) Fidel Castro- Yeah, sure. It's been a bad few months for ruthless dictators.
14) Jim Brown
15) Lindsay Lohan- you know, she just did Playboy. Might be some party, she takes a little too much coke, a little too much heroin. You never know. Plus, I need a big point getter.
16) George Michael- and hopefully if he does die, they will never play his gawddam Christmas song ever again.
17) Michael J Fox- Another pick that I would hate. The boy and I watched Teen Wolf a few weekends ago and you forget what a megastar he was back in the day. Family Ties, Teen Wolf, the Back to the Future franchise. He was a super-duper star in the mid to late 80's.

So there you go, that's my list. Big shout out to Jonnie Karp for suggesting making the list longer than just 10. I thought 17 would be a stretch, but that wasn't the case.

For those of you who would like tiny dish of sorbet to cleanse you pallet from the death, here's an epic six person pool trick basketball shot:

Ok, for the rest of you, please put together your list of 17 celebrities that you think will bite it in 2012 and post it in the comments of this blog.

Good luck everyone!

Happy New Year! And The Death Pool

2012-01-03T00:07:00.001-05:00

Happy 2012, everyone. I have enjoyed the past six days off and am ready to go back to work. You know it's time for the holidays to be over when you find yourself looking forward to sending the kids back to day care. That started yesterday, I believe.

Anyway, the close of 2011 brings with it the winner of the 2011 You're Wasting Your Time Heath Ledger Death Pool!

The 2011 Death Pool Champion is Chris Van Bavel, with 3 deaths and 82 or 83 points because of Kim Jong Il. Congratulations, Bagel. You were very thorough in your picks this year.

I also thought it would be good to keep a running history of the Death Pool winners. And it took me about 10 minutes longer than it should because here's what the past winners did:
2010- Johnnie Karp, 3 deaths 116 points
2009- Johnnie Karp, 3 deaths 116 points
2008- No Champion. No one got a single one right. At least we've gotten better at this.

Do you see that? Jonnie "The GR" Karp won back to back years with the same number of points? Did I add that together properly? Did I just cut and paste? I tried to investigate it but I don't care enough to do follow through. Sorry. Still, if that's true that's incredible.

So get your 2012 Death Pool list together. And thanks to Jonnie Karp's suggestion, we're going to incorporate a new wrinkle. Instead of picking 10 celebrities, we're going to increase it to 17. Why 17? Because 15 is too few and 20 is too much. I don't think I know 20 celebrities. 17 is attainable.

So get your list ready, I'll post the 2012 Death Pool sometime Thursday night. Then, you can post your list in the comments. And make sure your prompt. You'd hate to miss out on some low hanging fruit (JoePa, we're looking in your direction).

Now, for some Entertainment. My brother David passed this important and exciting news along:
http://www.slashfood.com/2011/04/13/taco-bell-tests-nacho-cheese-doritos-taco-shells/

Here's a really good, fitting article to the end of the Redskins' 2011 season (aka Pre Season 2012):
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/redskins-and-mike-shanahan-endure-an-ugly-rebuilding-process/2012/01/01/gIQAqpb7UP_story.html

I am on the fence about this drink. I could see myself getting talked into trying at a party. It's possible:
http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2012/01/the-punch-that-gets-your-whole-party-wasted/

Here's 2011 Year in Review from Yahoo video:
http://yearinreview.yahoo.com/2011/blog/1263/inspiring-video/

One face sent along this fantastic site called textsfromlastnight.com. The one on the all time list about Simba made me lol:
http://textsfromlastnight.com/

I appreciate this article:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6673673/the-8-kinds-of-christmas-cards/

Ok, and wrapping up we have the R&R Taqueria featured on another show:
http://youtu.be/0UXY1bxZcQo

Ok, thats all for now. Don't forget to get crackin' on your 17 celebrities for the 2012 Death Pool.

You're Wasting Your Time 4 Team Draft V Update

2011-12-22T23:07:00.001-05:00

I have already been warned that tonight we are in present wrapping purgatory. Not matter how long it takes, no matter how boring it is, we must get a significant amount of wrapping done. Period.
So that's gonna happen. I'm going to rip through a quick update of our Four Team Draft NFL style brought to you by www.franchisefantasysports.com.

1) Cybergoth Dance Party (Jonnie Karp) 33 points, $80
Teams remaining: Patriots, Texans, Bengals
Solid job picking by Jonnie Karp. The Pats could certainly be in and win the Super Bowl. The Texans that are one of those teams that I will probably never take ever again. They always found a way to lose.

This season? Peyton is out for the season, the Titans have Hasselsuck 500 at the helm (on some mailbag or podcast some Seattle fan called Hasselsuck "Hasselsuck 500" because whenever he played well he would always comeback the other way at some point so at the end of the season he would be 8-8. 500) and can't get above 8-8. So that means the Texans have no choice but to win the division.

And they will. And Jonnie Karp will reap the benefits. The Bengals have it tough because they have Cardinals and the Ravens. But they're 8-6, so there's definitely a good chance. And if week 17 doesn't mean anything for the Ravens, they may not show up or play their backups.

And since my man Jonnie Karp is in first place, I thought I'd show another Gothic Dance Party, but one with a holiday theme:

2) Thanks Again Roth, You Bastard (Team Oneface) 32 points, $64
Teams remaining: Pittsburgh, Seahawks, BroncosAt first Matt was pissed that I took the Skins in my pick right before him. But now, the best the Skins can do is 7 useless wins and the Seahawks could get 9 wins and sneak into the playoffs. Crazy.

Also, because of Matt's two other quarterbacks it's like he's rooting for good and evil. The Devil AND Jesus. Have fun with that one, sinner.Speaking of Tebow, did you see Colton Orr of the Maple Leafs Tebowing after a shootout goal?

What about Saturday Night Lives' skit where Jesus comes into the locker room with Tebow:

Ah, good stuff. The crowd is definitely not sure about whether or not they should laugh.

3) Chris' Team (Me) 30 points $32
Teams remaining: Jets, San Fran, Chiefs
Nice job of me not coming up with a team name. What a jackass. Rooting for the Jets and Sanchez this year has been really awful. That guy is like a slightly worse Romo. He's super shaky and I totally think the Gints will beat them this week.

That leaves San Fran. Hopefully they get a W in the playoffs so I break even. That's probably the best I can do.Although I do appreciate the Redskins still trying to win. That's good. If they beat the Eagles and the Vikings, they can actually finish the season with 7 wins. And that's better than last season! Improvement!

So there you go, am I going to take the Redskins two or three spots too early next year? Yes. I probably am.

4) Man Relish (Bagel) 30 points, $32
Teams remaining: Ravens, Cowgirls
After the Chargers game, people are really down on Flacco. They think that the Ravens are a terrible road team and tough at home. They might be right. I think that this was a prime game for a loss. A big Ravens fan I work with pointed out this game a month ago and said it was the one she worried about the most. West coast trip, evening game, the Ravens' fan base won't travel to that game as well as they normally do, blah, blah, blah.

The Ravens are a dangerous team and were one Houshmanzada drop away from the Super Bowl last year. As far as the Cowgirls go, I hope beyond hope that they don't make the playoffs. I enjoy the fact that they haven't won a playoff game since 1997.

5) Best Portfolio Ever (Deano) 29 points, $16
Teams remaining: Packers, Lions
While Dean's only in fifth place, I would be ok changing places with him going into the playoffs with his two team. And I've enjoyed and benefited from my man Matt Stafford a QB. He and Megatron were very exciting last week.

6) Al-dogg (Al Dogg) 25 points, -$48
Teams remaining: Atlanta and San Diego?
Is San Diego still in it? Either way, I don't see the Falcons going far if they have to win on the road. Especially if they have to play outdoors. I don't like teams that aren't good if they have to play outside.

Better start saving up, Patapoff.

7) Invincible (David) -$80
Teams remaining: New Orleans
David got hosed with the Colts. But I love the Saints. If any team has the QB and the Coach to win the Super Bowl, the Saints do.

8) Brown Dolphins Suck Giant Eagles (James) -$96
Teams remaining: Giants and Eagles
Oh boy. Well James is a HUGE Eagles/Giants fan. The good news? It seems this year that if you can get into the playoffs and get hot, your team can win it all. So even the Eagles could conceivable win the Super Bowl this year. Don't give up hope, James. Don't ever give up hope.

Alright, everyone. Have a very Merry Christmas. I'll be back later next week. Go Redskins!

It's Coming Down to the Wire....

2011-12-19T23:10:00.002-05:00

Saturday night brought us reports that Kim Jong Il had died of physical exhaustion while on a train ride. My communist propaganda to English app tells me that it means he had a heart attack. Fantastic. The guy was an unbelievable douche bag.

Bad news is that his son's ready to take over the role of terrible dictator. The good news is that we have a lot of action on the 2011 You're Wasting Your Time Death Pool! There was a total of three people who had pegged Kim Jong Il in their pool of 10, a new participant, an old winner and a new leader all with 11 days remaining in the year.

Will these people stay in the same order? Is anyone else going to die in the next 11 days? Will Bagel be the new Death Pool Champ? Why am I asking these rhetorical questions and not showing the current standings? I have no idea. Here you go:

1) Bagel- 3 Deaths, 82 or 83 points* (Andy Rooney 92 years old, Steve Jobs 56 years old, Kim Jong Il 69 or 70 years old)
2) Angie "Mrs. Death" Karp- 2 deaths and 94 points (Liz Taylor- 79 years old, Winehouse- 27 years old)
3) Me- 1 death, 46 points (Bin Laden- 54 years young)
4) Jonnie "The Original Gangster" Karp- 30 or 31 points (Kim Jong Il- 69 or 70 years old)
5) Plebers- 30 or 31 points (Kim Jong Il- 69 or 70 years old)

* Shocker Communist Records are contradictory. According to Soviet record keeping Il was born in '41 his autobiography said he was born in '42. So if you have Il, I'll put the two possibilities as your score and if Wikipedia ever figures out the answer I'll update these scores.

Hey, let's check in on the North Koreans and see how they're taking the news of their Dear Leader dying:

Huh, not well...they are not taking it well. I'm not sure how believable they are. Some of them have a look about them that says, "Hey, look I'm really sad. Does this mean I get my rice sack this month?"And lastly, let's make sure we don't forget that Kim played a pivotal role in Team America, World Police (watch out, as you know this movie has not only cussing but some soul shattering, job losing
lines in it, play it softly if at work):

So there you go, your Death Pool update. I'll be back later this week to update the Four Team Draft as well as all playoff possibilities. If you're like me, you are holding on by a fingernail that one or two teams may somehow sneak into the playoffs (Jets, I'm looking in your direction. Sanchez, goddam you, don't you dare keep shitting the bed).

Have a great rest of the week.

Kemper Pedic and More

2011-12-15T23:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend is fantasy football playoff time. I was fortunate enough to make the playoffs in all three leagues that I played in. However, I've got a bad feeling about this. Last week, in my first playoff game I did pretty well, scoring the second most points in our league. Unfortunately, I was playing the guy who got the most points that week. Dammit all!

And now this week, in my two remaining fantasy leagues I'm playing my wife in both games. Uh oh. And last night she said, "Wow, I was totally losing all season, but the past few weeks I've been playing really well!"

Great. I do not like the fairytale way this is unfolding. So, instead of dwelling on it, let's jump right into some Entertainment to kick off this last weekend before Christmas. I do intend on blogging about our current Four Team Draft standings and playoff hopes next week.

First, there are two (TWO!) Clips o' the Week this week. I don't think that's ever happened before. But is well deserved. The first video is from the Saturday Night Live with Jason Segel hosted for the Muppet Movie. Now, I first saw this pretty late on a Saturday Night after a fair amount of wine, but man, I was lol'ing all over my couch when I saw this:

The next Clip o' the Week is a follow up to Kimmell's Halloween Challenge. Remember when he challenged parents to pretend they ate all of their kids candy the morning after Halloween? And then record it and post it to youtube? Here's the Christmas version of it:

Here are some pictures of the best of the two Rex brothers. I enjoy the both of them. Especially the one that keeps blowing impossibly large leads in the 4th quarter for the Cowgirls:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6ddd

I'd like to do karaoke with this chick, eh comrades?
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6cfs

And the karaoke elbow was followed by this impossibly pervy game show host clip. Also, I'd like to take this time to thank Sandusky for me know thinking that everyone is a kid touching perv. I can not watch Miracle on 34th Street without thinking "No way they let that old guy spend that much time alone with a little girl in her bedroom, even if he is Santa Clause!"
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/3uyj

Here's a funny news person FAIL:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6dbc

Hey, look! A waving bear!
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6d29

Ok, that's all for now. Have a great weekend, Go Redskins (again, not necessarily to win, just to play hard and not embarrass yourselves and us fans. I would prefer the Giants win and kill the Cowgirls playoff chances in the most painful of ways)(also, let's improve our draft position, shall we? In case Peyton doesn't come this way next year).

Teeeeeeeebowwwwwww!

2011-12-12T23:36:00.001-05:00

That's what you get to do when you watch Broncos games now. It's now appointment TV. And the best part about it is that you don't have to watch the whole game. You don't even have to watch the entire 4th quarter. You just have to watch from that point in the game when you think, "Ok, there's no way the Broncos win this game". And then Teeeeboooooowwww and his mere presence makes it happen.

Its fantastic. And a scenario like this has never happened in the history of sports since I've been alive. Partly its great because you have no idea where this is headed and where it will end. It seems like a team that was once 1-4 had a fan revolt, where the fan base demanded that Teeeeeebooooowwwwww start. And since then? He's gone 7-1! With at least five of those come from behind after trailing in the 4th Quarter. And why is it happening?

Because Jesus likes Teeeeeeboooooowwwww more than anyone else. I think the next thing to happen is that there will be a picture that some fan took with their iPhone of the 59 yard field goal and you'll see a ghostly image of a foot with a sandal emerge from the FG kicker's leg. I can't wait. This week? They take on the Patriots.

You can tell if someone hates Teeeeeboooowwwwwww when they describe what they think will happen. I heard someone say that there was no way the Broncos and Teeeeeboooooooowwwww will be able to keep up with the Patriots. That Belichick and Brady will destroy the Broncos. I don't know how you could be so sure about that. I will be tuning in to find out, though. The Skins play the Gints at 1 PM and it's on TV up here in Baltimore, since the Ravens take on the Chargers Sunday night. That leaves the 4 PM AFC game wide open. That's perfect for the Broncos/Pats game.

Speaking of awesome football, check out this "Matrix" move that some high school kid broke off on a kick return:

If you want to catch up on the Skins/Patriots game, I recommend checking out the Sports Bog's Best and Worst blog.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/redskins-patriots-best-and-worst/2011/12/11/gIQA0iPqnO_blog.html

And I don't recommend watching this clip of Gronkowski treating the Redskins like little children and expose D. Hall as a, ummm, I don't even know what D. Hall is after this play:
http://youtu.be/oJnpZBm2XPc

And how about this picture:

This was taken of the cops advancing on a crazed gunman in Hollywood who fired on random cars until a couple of cops (an off duty police officer and detective in the area) ended the rampage with deadly force.

Unfortunately, he got a record executive and he died:
http://news.yahoo.com/record-exec-dies-hollywood-street-rampage-021435068.html

This is funny:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6661336/what-shes-really-dreaming-about

I like some of these ideas:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6660690/10-ways-to-make-the-internet-better

Alright, that's all for now. I'll have more later in the week.

New Things

2011-12-08T23:06:00.001-05:00

There's been a lot of "new things" popping up lately. The first pleasant surprise that I came across was the re-emergence of WHFS. As the last (great is probably to strong a word) very good radio station, they succumbed to an all Latin format in 2005.

Well, last week I caught a commercial announcing that they are back and on 97.5 FM. Here's their website, but if you have to listen to the radio, this is a good station to start on. Here's their website:
http://whfs.radio.com/

The other new thing I came across resides at Arundel Mills mall. Wednesday night Ethan and I went out for dinner and some Christmas shopping and towards the end of the night, we came across a Merrell store! That's right! There is a Merrell Outlet store at Arundel Mills mall!

They have some clothes but mainly shoes. Every possible style of Merrell shoes that they make. So you can actually try on all the different pairs of shoes they offer before you buy them. Instead of just 5-6 styles of shoes, they have 20+. They have your size, or can order them. Whatever. Merrell is my go to shoe, and now there's an outlet store that sells all of it. I'm going to really enjoy shopping there for the next eight months until they open up the casino there and I never go back there again.

Now, for some Entertainment. The first piece of Entertainment is now the most titillating rumor regarding the Redskins. Lombardi thinks that the Redskins are a good landing spot for Peyton Manning. And you know what? I LOVE this idea. It certainly is much better than Rex in Effex and John "Check Down" Beck. This is exactly the kind of free agent signing that will get my expectations way, way up into the "Completely Unreasonable and Illogical" level.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/michael-lombardi-redskins-a-great-landing-spot-for-peyton-manning/2011/12/08/gIQAeJDGfO_blog.html

On another Redskins note, here's a little more information about Stephen Bowen, our new d-line guy from the Cowgirls. He has had a rough 6 months to be sure. I wonder how he feels when he looks across the locker room and sees Fred Davis and Trent Williams' empty lockers?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/redskins-big-man-stephen-bowen-carries-the-weight-of-dual-tragedies/2011/12/08/gIQAToLUgO_story.html

Speaking of dying, I'm terrified of it. I know that it is coming, I know that it's unavoidable, I just worry regularly about a premature death or even worse, one of the boys going down before me.

So when I came across this article on what most people regret on their deathbed, I was instantly enthralled. The one thing I'm taking to heart? Number 2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
http://nhne-pulse.org/regrets-of-the-dying/

And finally, this week's Clip o' the Week doesn't allow me to get the "embed code" so you'll have to click on this link. It's an autistic guy who killed it on the X Factor. Simon Cowell is on the X Factor and I miss that guy. I appreciate his frank, no nonsense take on things. I often wish that I could be as frank as he is in real life. Also, this guy doesn't seem too autistic. He's not rolling his poop into a ball and then spreading it on a cracker and then eating his cracker 100 times a day. He might be just making the whole autism thing. Here's the link:

http://youtu.be/_j7c4HNX3TU

Have a good weekend, go Redskins. Good luck and all, especially since they are playing the Patriots. That doesn't bode well. Let's try to keep it within 21, huh guys?

Stuff It In My Inbox

2011-12-05T22:09:00.001-05:00

I've got a full Inbox, so I thought I'd unload a bit so I can start my week out with a clean Inbox. My sister sent this video along. It has the title "Best Pole Dance Ever" so I anticipate getting to watch some chick in a their basement on some rigged up PVC falling down, probably on her head. But instead, it really is the best pole dance I've ever seen. And I watch a lot of So You Think You Can Dance:

Isn't that something? Pole dancing's gone legit! You could probably even get away with watching that at work! Also, best pole dancing ever is not a bad youtube search. Just saying.

This is hilarious. And the reporter does a really good job of maintaining her composure shortly after being scared s-less.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6bks

So Fred Davis and Trent Williams are both done for the rest of the season because they failed three drug tests. For weed I think. So fine. At least they won't get hurt, right?

I did find it amazing that Fred Davis risked $141,176 to fire it up (that's what he gets paid for 4 games) and Trent Williams is going to lose $1.85 million for his four games! Holy cow that must be some absolutely incredible weed.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/report-redskins-trent-williams-and-fred-davis-to-be-suspended-for-four-games/2011/12/04/gIQAZJ6tSO_blog.html

And I appreciate The Bog's look back on some notable busts of various Redskins of Old. It's called Remember When the Redskins Had Character? He's not referring to the players getting busted and suspended, that's always happened. He's referring to the way the Redskins organization responds to this type of situation compared to how Joe Gibbs handled things in his tenure. Plus, there are some real gems in here like Russ Grimm getting pulled over and telling the cop that he was "judging an Irish Coffee contest". That's fantastic.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/remember-when-the-redskins-had-character/2011/12/05/gIQAnndHWO_blog.html

This one is called Amusement Park Fail. I think it should be Amusement Park SUCCESS!http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6aty

I bet you this was Lars' idea:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6bg1

I came across this video for work. Chick Fil A plays it for all of their employees before they hit the
floor:

Here's an article about Adam Carolla's podcast where he goes off on the Occupy movement. It sounds wonderful, I'm trying to hear it myself, but I can't find what day he made this podcast. Any idea?
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/adam-carolla-breaks-down-occupy-movement-fking-self-entitled-monsters/

Alright, that does it for now. Have a good rest of the week.

Random Topics and Entertainment

2011-12-01T22:17:00.001-05:00

- I have been looking for a good, new Christmas album with some good, new Christmas songs. We've got the standard radio stations that have Christmas tunes, but it seems that Christmas music ceased being created after 1992. After the first 3 songs, I was already tired of hearing them.

I went to iTunes to see what they had, and it was largely a dead end. I would like a nice compilation album that's filled with various artists that sing Christmas songs well. I don't think this exists.

What does exist, surprisingly is a Scott Weiland Christmas album. And boy-howdy it is terrible. Check it out on iTunes. Don't buy it! Just listen to the sample of the songs. Or don't and just take my word that it is terrible.

If you have any suggestions, please, let me know.

- The Skins take on the Jets this weekend. I have the Jets as my number one overall pick in the Four Team Draft brought to you by http://franchisefantasysports.com and I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with a man named Matt Bradley.

I will be just fine if the Jets can get their act together and beat my boys this weekend. See, I'm keeping in mind where this team was starting out the season. We are a team that is filled with young talent led by a below average QB that has an entire lifetime track record of showing flashes of brilliance in a game followed by one or two soul crushing, game jeopardizing, season ending plays each game.

So I'm fine with the Skins continuing on with Preseason 2012 and continue putting together their team of the future. They may have found a running back in Helu. And while injuries ended their season early, Jenkins and Hankerson seem to be some prospects.

We are hopelessly without a quarterback, though. McNubb was a good idea, but a FAIL. Train Rex and Beck are not good and have never been good, but they were the best two QB's that were available to Shanny and the Redskins.

So Shanny and Son held their nose, through their support around the two of them and dove into the season. And while both of those played out predictably, it isn't like anyone was coming up with a better solution.

Even drafting a quarterback with the sieve of an offensive line that we currently have would have probably been more damaging to a young QB anyway. So it's good. It's all good. Preseason 2012 continues on and with any luck the Jets will capitalize on that and come away with a win, get one step closer to the Wild Card and I somehow salvage this season.

- 25 years from now, when they are sifting through the wreckage of what was once the all powerful and mighty United States, they will find this clip of an H&M in Tysons Corner at midnight on Thanksgiving.

It's an H&M people. What they hell has anyone ever bought from H&M? This is pure insanity. On the other hand, consumerism is the engine that gets our economy moving. And if we can get out of this economy up and running, I know I would appreciate it, as would my 401K and IRA.

- One sad note is Ron Smith, of the Ron Smith Show on AM 1090. A couple of months ago he announced that he had pancreatic cancer, and that he was fighting it with chemo at Hopkins. Well, he recently announced that after completing his first round of chemo he is not going to continue with a second round of chemo.

His body did not respond well and after conferring with his doctor, nurse, and wife, he's going to let the cancer take its course and enter home hospice care.

It's pretty sad, and he is someone who will be deeply missed when it comes to a counter voice to the entrenched Maryland political party. Here's the article he wrote for the Sun announcing he was done writing for the Sun:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/bs-ed-smith-farewell-20111117,0,7012460.column

And here's an article from Monday, when he abruptly announced his retirement from the Ron Smith Show. It's really sad to think about, but in all likelihood it will be unlikely that he will see Christmas:
http://www.wbal.com/absolutenm/templates/smith.aspx?articleid=83620&zoneid=73

- Here's an article that will let you know if you are spending too much time on the Internet:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6657273/25-signs-you-spend-too-much-time-on-the-internet

- This is where the future of high-fiving is headed:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6660215/five-next-level-handshakes

- Here is what the early arcade games taught us about life:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6658880/what-arcade-games-really-taught-you

Alright, that's it everyone. Go Redskins! Play well, try hard, show off some young up and coming talent and if you lose....no biggie. Have a good weekend everyone.

The Top Christmas Traditions

2011-11-28T23:19:00.001-05:00

We have now entered the most wonderful time of the year, as Andy Williams will be glad to tell you. And why is it such a great time of the year? For a lot of reasons it's the traditions that we drag out of the closet and attic, we beat them with a broom, get all the dust and cobwebs outta there and hang them from your house, mantle where ever, for all to see.

We have a handful of traditions that we now do every year. Some good, some "Man, I wish you could drink at this thing" bad. Here's a brief breakdown of our season's festivities.

Tradition #1- Santa comes to town on a fire truck to the Ice Cream Cottage in Arbutus. The kids can battle a sea of pre-K humanity to build a Christmas bird-house. Or they can wait in line for an hour and jump around in a moon bounce with 15 other children-missiles.

The pay off, however, is for when Santa rolls up on top of a fire truck with the full escort. It's a nice tradition and if you get there 20 minutes late, you can arrive in time for Santa, then roll out to Tradition #2.

Tradition #2- The Train Gardens. Train gardens are one of those things that are a great way to kill an hour with a kid when the weather turns terrible or if you are dealing with sunset hitting at 4:30 PM. Arbutus happens to have two of the best ones in Maryland.

The Arbutus Volunteer Fire Department puts on one and Arbutus Autobody clears out their showcase and puts up a huge train garden.

Each are filled with tiny little nuances and subtle jokes that you have to really look out for. This means that you can got to the train garden three or four times and find something new. Good times.

Tradition #3- Holiday beer. This is one of my favorites. The beers love to come out with a tasty holiday batch. And Christmas beer is nothing like the lame excuses that come out in the Fall (Pumpkin Ales, I'm looking in your direction).

My brother David hooked up Thanksgiving with Winter Solstice. This is the same beer company that comes out with an equally excellent Summer Solstice brew every May. If you can find a six pack of this stuff, you should buy it, as they usually sell out quickly.

The other beer that I recommend is Halethorpe's own Heavy Seas Yule Tide. I had this last night at a friends house and all I can say is, "Giddy Up". And it's not just the 10% alcohol volume, either. This is a rich, smooth, yet very drinkable beer.

I'm a big fan of the high alcohol content beer. One or two bottles and you're good to go. It's the perfect beer for the drinker who doesn't have the time, energy or metabolism to drink 15 beers to get where they need to go.

Tradition #4- Holiday movies. We have several of these. My wife prefers Wonderful Life and White Christmas when we do the tree. Ethan digs Elf and wants to see the Grinch. Prep and Landing is the newest Christmas special that is now on the must-see list. Love Actually, Christmas Story, Scrooged, these are all solid, go-to movies this time of year.

Me? I have just one favorite must see movie. And it crescendos with this little beauty:

Tradition #5- Not having any idea or plan as to what to get my wife for Christmas. I hate being lame and needing her to tell me exactly what she wants, the correct size, color, accessories. There's no thrill in that, no surprise.

But every year, even though I try my best to have a plan, a budget and a clue. I always end up panic-buying a ton of stuff, over spend, and try to just get everything under the sun, just so I'm covered.

That's the one thing about this time of year that kills me. And with the Internet being what it is, isn't it surprising that there isn't a site that caters to clueless individuals like myself and just tells me what to buy. Let's get on that, right people?

Ok, that's all for now. I'll be back later this week.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-22T22:37:00.001-05:00

Things I'm thankful for....
I'm thankful for Lee Corso dropping eff bombs on College Gameday because I'm all for more people sprinkling every day talk with eff bombs.

I'm also thankful that I came into the play room to check on the show that Ethan started watching on Netflix on the Wii. Because that show Happy Tree Family is the real life Itchy and Scratchy. And while it's good that Ethan laughed and laughed at it, it's definitely not something he should be watching. Observe:

I'm thankful that Jabar Gaffney told that Dallas fan to go "Kill Urself". I wish all Dallas fans would kill themselves. Gaffney only speaks the truth, people:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/22/jabar-gaffney-tweets-cowboys-fan-kill-yourself-nfl_n_1108034.html

Here's a video of a dad saving his baby from a face plant while simultaneously failing at wearing a decent pair of pants:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6646326/dad-saves-baby-at-the-last-second

I'm also thankful that I now have next year's Halloween costume for the boys already picked out:http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6646307/twins-dressed-as-harry-and-lloyd-from-dumb-and-dumber

I'm thankful for this article that made me laugh:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6649422/how-creepy-you-are-as-determined-by-your-pets

And lastly, I'm thankful for Thanksgiving, turkey, football, side dishes, all the fixins', beer, wine and most importantly a 4 day weekend. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Your Four Team Draft Update and The Top 5 Bands from the 90's

2011-11-17T20:10:00.001-05:00

Here we go, the Your Wasting Your Time Four Team Draft NFL Style brought to you by www.franchisefantasysports.com At this point, if you have read this blog and have not started your own Four Team Draft with family and friends, I don't know what to tell you.

And in the interest if brevity I will update the Four Team Draft using no more than one sentence per team. As a reminder, everyone in the league gets to pick four NFL teams. Then, each time that team wins you get a point. Each point is "hypothetically" worth $2. At the end of the season, we figure out who won and who lost the hypothetical money. Let's begin.

1) Cybergoth Dance Party, 23 points, +$76
Patriots- 6 wins. Karp-dog's hometown team has a questionable defense.
Houston- 7 wins. I had Houston last year when they blew so many winnable games for me now it looks like Leinhart might do the same for Jonnie.
Bucs- 4 wins. Definitely a let down after last year's season.
Bengals- 6 wins. This league loves it when you pick a winner in the fourth round and here's your Friday Night Cybergoth Dance Party:

I....can't.....stop....watching......it.

2) Best NFL Portfolio Ever, 22 points. +$60
Packers, 9 wins. And here's the Super Bowl (and probably Four Team Draft) Champion, by a long shot.
Lions, 6 wins. Every year for the past 10 years people have picked that year for the Lions to be good and every year except this one those people have been dead wrong.
Rams, 2 wins. While they are a terrible, horrible team, they are still better than the Redskins.
Bills, 5 wins. Two weeks ago Simmons said on his podcast that teams have figured out the Bills and his sound guy said they wouldn't get to 8 wins.

3) Me, 20 points. +$28
Jets, 5 wins. Sanchez makes me very nervous, in a Tony Romo kind of way.
Kansas City, 4 wins. Palko QB= Me effed.
Redskins, 3 wins. Let's just call this season "Preseason 2012".
49ers, 8 wins. Thank you for saving Christmas this year, Jim Harbaugh.

4) Thanks Again Roth, bastard! 20 points. +$28
Steelers, 7 wins. I'll trade you the Jets for the Steelers.
Bears, 6 wins. Everyone's saying their legit now that they are protecting Cutler (and Forte's they're RB).Seahawks, 3 wins. I'll trade you the Redskins for the Seahawks, just like you wanted.
Denver, 4 wins. Hey, you get to root for Tebow, good for you!

5) Al-dogg Patapoff, 16 wins. -$36
Whales Vagina, 4 wins. Uh oh, looks like this is not River's year.
The ATL, 5 wins. They seem to be pretty good, but I think the North is going to take both Wild Cards.
Titans, 5 wins. If Leinhart does what we all think he will do in Houston, the Titans are the team that will probably win the South.
Vikings, 2 wins. McNubb is McNubb.

6) Man Relish, 6 wins. -$36
Ravens, 6 wins. At work, we noticed that a lot of Ravens fans have a blind spot for Flacco, and then we made that premise into a sequel to the movie The Blind Side called The Blind Spot (it's really funny, you can say things like, "I don't get it, Ray Rice ran for 187 yards and 2 TD's how did we lose that game?" The Blind Spot).
Dallas, 5 wins. I know that last section was more than a sentence also, I loathe the fact that Cowgirls could get into the playoffs this year.
Cardinals- 2 wins. I really like their coach, if Shanny gets fired in the next two seasons I would not mind Wisenhunt being the Skins next coach that gets fired prematurely.
Panthers- 2 wins. Cam is good, but so far only two wins good.

7) Lucas vs. Ice Box, 15 points. -$52
New Orleans, 7 wins. I like the Saints, it'll be interesting to see how they hold up in the playoffs, especially after last year's Seagull's game.
Indianapolis, 0 wins. That's a disappointing second round pick.
Jaguars, 3 wins. I guess they could make the playoffs?
Raiders- For some reason I like rooting for the Raiders this year and they may win the West.

8) Brown Dolphins Suck Giant Eagles, 14 points. -$68
Eagles, 3 wins. Oh boy, this is not the Dream Team we were promised.
Giants, 6 wins. Probably a good pick as they should win the NFC East.
Dolphins, 2 wins. They suck, but are still much better than the Redskins.
Browns, 3 wins. They are the Cavaliers of the NFL, but kudos to James for this clever name.

Alright, so there you go. Now, I came home tonight and the Stone Temple Pilots were on the Paladia channel live from Chicago. I got to thinking that STP is one of the Top 5 bands to come out of the 90's.

I then tried to figure out who else would be in the Top 5. Here's what I came up with (in no particular order):
1) STP
2) Pearl Jam
3) Green Day
4) Foo Foo Fighters/Nirvana (I put the Foo Foo Fighters first because I like them way better than I liked Nirvana).
5) Alanis Morisette

Just kidding, she was on after the Stone Temple Pilots doing Jagged Little Pill. You should take into consideration what that band has done since the 90's. For this reason Cake is not in the Top 5.

And they have to originate in the 90's, therefore the Beastie Boys and U2 don't count because they originated in the 80's.

If you have any ideas for the fifth best band, please let me know. I feel like there's a big, obvious band that I'm not thinking of.

And with that, go Redskins, beat the Cowgirls. Please. Cowboy fans around here are so obnoxious. Can you at least not embarrass myself and all Redskin fans for one weekend this year? Please? Thank you. And have a nice weekend.

The Death Pool Update

2011-11-14T22:40:00.001-05:00

You know, I didn't mean for the last post to come off the way it did. I really did want to make it a nice, quick, light post, but it became more of an angry blogger post, and that wasn't necessary.

There was plenty of ink spilled about the Paterno/PSU scandal, you didn't need to hear that here, did you? So let me make it up to you with a nice Death Pool update followed by a Four Team Draft update later this week. We haven't had one of those in a while.

So the Death Pool needed updatin' a while back and some how it flew under the radar. And now it's a minor source of controversy. Bagel chose his Pool on January 14th at 2:54 PM. And that's all fine.

Then, on November 4th, Andy Rooney dies from lack of being on 60 Minutes. That's fine, too. Bagel posts a comment the other day stating that he should be getting some Death Pool love since Rooney died.

Ok, let's check out his list and see, shall we?
Bagel said...

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Steve Jobs
John Madden
T.I.
Art Rooney
Fidel Castro
Kim Jong Il
AJ from the Backstreet Boys
Roger Ebert
Ariel Sharon

January 14, 2011 2:54 PM

Umm, wait, that says Art Rooney, not Andy Rooney. Art Rooney did die, but he died in 1988. There is Art Rooney II, but he's still alive and of good health at the age of 59.

Now, I'm guessing, since Bagel brought it up that he thought that he should get the points for Andy Rooney that he meant to put down Andy, not Art. So while this may be controversial, I know that Bagel is nothing if he isn't as pure and honest as baby bunnies in new fallen snow. There's no way he could lie about the Death Pool. That's just not who he is.

So I'm going to give him Andy Rooney, his death and the 8 points that comes along with that. It also helps that Rooney's 8 points doesn't pose any threat to my standing, which makes it an easier decision. Here are our current standings in the 2011 Heath Ledger Death Pool with just 46 days remaining in the year:

1) Angie "Mrs. Death" Karp- 2 deaths and 94 points (94!!! That Winehouse pick was HUGE)

2) Me- 1 death, 46 points (Bin Laden)

3) Bagel- 1 death, 8 points (Andy Rooney)

Hey Redskins fans, looking for a source of good news and hope? Me too! Here are some articles that I was able to find that can give you a ray of hope.

The Rack is apparently not taking all this losing lightly, which is good to see. In a couple of years, when our QB that we draft next year gets some experience, we might be in a position to not embarrass ourselves throughout the season:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/brian-orakpo-fumes-over-redskins-latest-loss/2011/11/13/gIQALBWyJN_blog.html

Here's Evan Bliss giving Redskins fans minor victories that have emerged this year so far:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/box-seats/post/redskins-fan-therapy-searching-for-small-victories-in-big-losses/2010/12/20/gIQAW4GJLN_blog.html

There's some good news about our WR corp, Hankerson was really coming around, including his 8 catch, 100+ yard performance on Sunday....right before he had that season ending injury. Let's just rename this season "Preseason 2012" now, shall we?

http://washington.cbslocal.com/2011/11/14/redskins-lose-hankerson-for-season/

Speaking of football, did you see David Nelson, the Bills player who is dating the Cowboys cheerleader? He apparently grew up in Dallas and wanted to do something "special" if he scored in their game Sunday. He tried to keep it subdued since they were down two TD's at the time of his TD. Here's what happened. And might I add, good for you Bills WR David Nelson:

My sister Alison sent this along to me. Jimmy Kimmel asked that parents tell their kids the day after Halloween, that they ate all of their kids candy and record it. Apparently a ton of people did that and sent it in. Here's the very best:
http://youtu.be/_YQpbzQ6gzs

Here a panda pees on another sleeping panda. I think if I was an animal and could get away with something like this I would do it all the time:
http://youtu.be/D3Ad_X6WUns

Check out this crazy dodgeball backflip. Dodgeball is awesome:
http://youtu.be/OWfCjjGnjlU

If you can get to Jessup, MD (Rt. 175 and Rt. 1 to be exact) check out the Shell station and get yourself an awesome $2 taco. And know that they are featuring this dive on Diner, Dives and Drive Thru's:
http://www.hoco360.blogspot.com/

OK, that's it for now. Enjoy the rest of the week and I'll have our Four Team Draft update later this week.

We Are.... Haroboring Pedos!

2011-11-11T01:08:00.001-05:00

I would like to keep this nice and light, what with it almost being the weekend and all. So I'll briefly touch on the Penn State debacle (not in a Sandusky/sleep over kind of way).

I read the 23 page indictment against Sandusky and I have just these few things to say about it (again, you're probably on JoPa overload, so I'll keep it brief):
- JoPa is a fraud. All this talk about caring for the kids and make sure you study hard, that's all bullshit. You can't say that the kids are most important to me, and then allow a grown man to use your facilities to anally rape a 10 year old. It just doesn't add up.

It's sort of like when Tressel got busted at Ohio State and everyone was surprised because he always preached about running a clean program and making sure you do things the right way. Only instead of a couple of players getting tattoos for free, Penn State had a serial kid toucher prowling their campus with the blessing of Paterno, the president of the university, the AD and king douchebag McQuery.

- Penn State is clueless. Even though they finally got it right and fired Paterno, they botched just about every other decision along the way, including publicly backing the Schultz and Curly, the two people responsible for the initial cover up.

They seem to have underestimated just how much people hate institutions that protect and cover up kid touchers. This is unbelievable to me. Aren't these people supposed to be smart? Aren't parents relying on these people to teach their children? How could they misjudge this so badly?

-Penn State is continuing to misjudge this. This weekend, McQueery, the eye witness to Sandusky raping a 10 year old in the Penn State showers will not be on the sidelines for the game, he'll be up in the box because they "don't want him to be a distraction". Guess what dipshits? He'll be a distraction unless he's fired.

In fact, they need to sweep everyone out of there as soon as possible. The fact that McQueery saw Sandusky ass-rape a 10 year old, but didn't do anything means he's public enemy number 2 (behind Sandusky).

- No one, not Paterno, McQueery, Schultz, or Curley made any effort to track down the 10 year old victim and find out if he was ok. They didn't bother to find out his name. They didn't bother to find the boys parents and explain what just happened to their child.

In fact, they continued to turn a blind eye and allow Sandusky to use Penn State events to lure young boys and future victims to him. This is the unforgivable part. This is the part where I call bullshit on JoPa and all the clever ruse that he has put on for the past at least 13 years, but I'm sure it's much more than that.

Alright, that's it. I just wanted to make sure that point got across. Please make sure that anyone you hear defending JoPa has read the indictment, otherwise you can probably punch them in the face for being such a useless "Yes Man" for Paterno and his band of pedophiles.

Ok, here's some Entertainment for you to peruse. First, is an article about pedophiles in prison. Again, Penn State, if pedophiles are the most hated offenders in prison, how do you think the general public feels about them?
http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=90004

How about this week's Clip o' the Week? It's a new world record for the biggest wave surfed. 90 feet tall. Good god:

Ugh, the Redskins play the Dolphins this Sunday. And they're on up here in Baltimore because the Ravens don't play the Seahawks till 4 PM. I will probably get sucked in and hope that Beck and the some of the other young players show progress and promise (hopefully). The one thing about the PSU scandal is that it puts the Skins game and patheticness in perspective, at least for me.

Kim Kardashian got thrown into some water and clever people came up with this:http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/68l9

Cat ninja!
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/69ap

Ok, that's it. That's all I have. Have a great weekend and Go Skins!

What To Do When You Lost Your Cell Phones

2011-11-08T00:18:00.000-05:00

Last Tuesday I sent a text to my dad about Thanksgiving. And then I went about doing my normal Tuesday night business. Trash, putting away laundry, dishes, all the millionaire playboy things you'd think I'd be doing on a Tuesday night. When I went to see if I got a return text, I couldn't locate my phone.
I didn't look too hard, because my phone always turns up, usually in one of a handful of places I'll set my phone down in the house.
The next morning, as I was trying to get myself and the boys dressed, fed and out the door I kept looking for my phone. I spent an extra 30 minutes that morning looking everywhere. I tried calling it as a last ditch effort and the call went right to voicemail.
I spent the whole day Wednesday phone-less. It was awful. I couldn't answer texts, check the weather, check traffic, email, check email while driving in traffic in between reading and sending texts, nothing. People kept asking me to do things or ask me about the weather. I would just scream at them, "I don't know, ok!?! I lost my phone, you ASS!" Then I'd run from the office, tearing up.

I made it home that night and did a full room to room sweep of the entire house. I even started looking in those weird, "its physically impossible for keys to be here" spaces like the back of the cabinet under the bathroom sink. Nothing.

Also, I was getting pissed. I hate losing things and spending hours looking for something that shouldn't have lost in the first place was a gigantic waste of time. It was pissing me off because I have what some might call "a temper problem".

I repeated, the same routine on Thursday, with similar results. On Friday, I resigned myself to the fact that my phone was officially lost. It probably got caught up in the trash on trash night and then I threw it out.
So fine, whatever. Here's what matters. I had insurance. So I called Sprint, said I lost it and the first thing they said was that they will try to locate the phone using the phones GPS! It didn't work, unfortunately, but probably because I waited to long to have them try that little trick. Next time you lose your phone, call your phone company right away and see if they can locate it for you. I don't know how close they get, but it's worth a shot.

They sent me another phone, charged, activated ready to go and I got it today. So that's the end of my story of the lost phone. My next story is entitled "Spending 4 straight days at work trying to get all of my contacts added and apps uploaded the way they were".

Here's some Entertainment for you. We just had Halloween, so that means we can look at and judge this year's crop of the best costumes:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6641608/the-25-best-halloween-costumes-of-2011

And here are some next year, last minute ideas:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6635847/10-last-minute-costumes-for-halloween-2011

Man, this Penn State/Paterno/kid touching scandal is the real deal. I asked my brother-in-law, who is the biggest Penn State fan/alum I know if he thought Paterno would survive this and he said he didn't even know if Paterno would be the coach this weekend. That would be an unbelievable end to his career.
http://www.ajc.com/sports/penn-state-sex-scandal-1219127.html

Here's what the accused looks like in case you were wondering:

Jesus is a jerk:
http://cavemancircus.com/2011/11/04/the-best-of-jesus-is-a-jerk/

This is funny:
http://www.damnlol.com/i-dont-think-you-want-to-mess-with-this-little-girl-6954.html

This week's Clip o' the Week is a good example of Mother Nature vs. Domesticated Animals. Who do you think wins? (warning, this is actually pretty messed up, especially if you are a dog lover)?

Alright, everyone, that's all for now. Have a good time trying to get the image of that dog getting pwned out of your head.

Skins and Entertainment

2011-11-04T01:00:00.001-04:00

Guess what I did last Sunday? I was busy not watching the Redskins. At the beginning of this season I was wondering how I was going to make it through this season without the NFL Ticket. I was completely ready to take the kids to friends places, bars, speak-easies, where ever. Where ever I needed to go to watch the Redskins.

Well, we're seven games into the season and I don't need to see another game. Hell, it's probably better if I don't have access to the game. I get super-miserable watching the Redskins play yet another lost season filled with sub-mediocre talent letting down the fan base yet again.

And while the rest of the season will be one in which we try to figure out if our problem is the talent dearth, poor coaching, a hangover from the Cerato era or just the way it's going to be so long as Snyder is the owner, I will be focusing on my leaves. Or the Red Zone channel. Or my fantasy football teams (who went 3-0 last weekend, people).

I think it's important to focus on winners. Successful people. Life is too short to be dragged down by losers. Or watch losers do loser things. There's a reason why I haven't been to an O's game in 2 years. There's a reason I raked 12 bags of leaves instead of watching the Redskins get "blowed out" 23-0. It's a survival mechanism.

This weekend the Ravens take on the Steelers Sunday night. And while that's a Sunday night treat, that also means the Skins are on TV up here at 1 PM. I will have the game on, but I will not DVR it. I will not stop everything to watch the game. If I want to go out, I'll go out. I'll keep an eye on the game, and I hope the Skins win, but I'm still trying to emotionally divest myself of the Redskins. So I'll watch it in passing. That's it.

One thing I won't watch in passing is this week's dose of Entertainment! First up is another Zombie Race article. This one comes from Bagel and it's from Page 2. They had these two girls dressed up like Little Red Riding Hood do a report/article from the race. Interesting nugget, we hung out with these two girls for about an hour as we waited for the shuttle to take us to the parking lot after the race. True story. I swear. I know, it's unbelievable.
http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/id/7173997/page-2-dodges-zombies-braving-run-your-lives-5k

This next piece is interesting only if you live in Arbutus. Ever since the world's worst grocery store closed down (the Super Fresh in Arbutus) there hasn't been a grocery store in town. Well, today we found out they're going to put a Sav A Lot in that space. As you can see by the comments, this is not well received:
http://arbutus.patch.com/articles/something-in-store-for-arbutus

This isn't as good as the Cyber Gothic Dance Party, but it's decent.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/67ek

Pets and their Halloween costumes:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/67f5

My favorite part of this article is that it's all pictures. No reading:
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_146_20-plot-twists-famous-movies-should-have-had_p20/#20

Alright, that's all I have for now. Enjoy your weekend and go Skins!

Your Final MLB Update

2011-11-01T01:01:00.000-04:00

You know what happened Friday? The Cardinals won the World Series. Did you know that I didn't have any idea that the game was Friday? No clue.

I hadn't watched a single pitch of the entire post season. My Orioles apathy has bled into my overall baseball/MLB interest. Even if I have given up on the O's, I would still keep an eye on the post-season.

But not this year. It's like the playoffs and World Series are so far away that it's not even an option for the Orioles so why bother. Right?

Well, I'll give you a reason to watch our national past time, gamble on it. My gamble of choice is the 4 Team Draft, brought to you by www.franchisefantasysports.com We have been doing a league for every sport for about 5 years now.

This year, featured some interesting math. When I did the only blog update of our MLB draft on September 22, 2011 our scoring looked like this:

1) Me- 320 points
2) Dean and LaRon- 320 points
3) Bagel's Team Douche Rocket- 312 points

Of Bagel's chances I wrote this:

"The Giants are 5.5 games out of first an 3.5 games out of the Wild Card. The Cards are 4.5 games out of first and 1.5 games out of the Wild Card. Bagel's best case scenario is one of the teams gets hot at the end of the season and tears through the playoffs a la the 2010 SF Giants."

Well, guess what. Somehow those goddamn Cardinals ran the table and won the World Series. What did that do to our point total?
1) Dean and LaRon- 360 points
2) Team Douche Rocket- 360 points
3) Me- 359 points

I finished out of the money, losing my $20 buy in. And Bagel completes one of the greatest comebacks in MLB history in what many called the most exciting World Series in the history of the game. Pretty impressive.

Of course none of that gets me my $20 back. So congrats to Bagel, and Dean and LaRon, you two (three) tied and will split all of the money in half. Next up, the Hockey Draft (a couple of weeks late, but still).

I'll be back later this week, but which time I will have had been able to sum up the Redskins current debacle of a season without spitting and stammering out a bunch of cuss words.

Lowered Expectations

2011-10-28T01:03:00.000-04:00

I've taken the whole week and I've really worked on lowering my expectations. And I've done gotten my expectations down about halfway to where I need them to be to watch the rest of the season.
I'm doing my best to talk myself into a 7-9 season. I mean, that's an improvement over last year, right? And with a team loaded with young, unproven players we should play them, coach them up and see what we have. Work on them to make them better.

In a year where the rules are slanted towards QB's and WR's running crossing patterns the best teams will be the ones with the best QB's (Green Bay, Patriots, Saints, and conversely the Colts). The only options the Skins have right now is Beck and/or Train Rex. FAIL.

I don't blame Shanny, either. He's doing the best he can. It's not like he could have drafted or traded for someone else. There just wasn't anyone else better or available.

And to make matters worse, we're horribly thin everywhere. And now that injuries are setting in, we just aren't starting anyone who scares the other teams. There are no game breakers anywhere to be seen. Anywhere.

In fact, of the 11 players who will start this Sunday, only 4 of them started Game 1 this season. That's pretty dramatic. We'll see how they do, I mean, they could get lucky and steal one. But I've got one metric ass-ton of leaves falling in my yard every day, so it's not like I want to sit around watching piss-poor, mediocre football when I could be raking leaves.

The Redskins are not on TV this weekend when they take on the Bills in Toronto. And that's fine. I'm perfectly happy watching the Red Zone channel and hitting up the leaves. I hope the Skins win. They'll only need to win 3 out of the next 9 to make it to 7-9. That could be attainable.

And really, leaves are not the only thing I'm going to be doing this weekend. Check out what I just bought:

Aw yeah. And just like Jackyl says, I'm a lumberjack, baby!

I will be recreating the chainsaw solo that starts at 1:35 all weekend long. It's electric. Which I prefer because I hate dealing with the 2 and 1 oil and all that nonsense. And while I sacrifice the HP, I'm not cutting down redwoods here.

Alright, here's this week's Entertainment. First up is cameraman bloopers on the news. Good reaction from the anchorman:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/67ep

We haven't had a good FAIL in a while, have we:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/67n3

Here's some Halloween costumes that will get you beaten up:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6719

Did you hear about the Junkies show this morning? They had a car crash into the building 15 feet away from where they do the show while they were on the air. You can see the pictures here:
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/car-crashes-into-wjfk-radio-studio-during-sports-junkies-morning-show-102711
And here:
http://yfrog.com/kj94okpj

Here's Jake and Amir in their Halloween costumes:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6634477/jake-and-amir-halloween-costumes

Here's the people who don't have a voice. Until now.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6633406/we-are-the-1

Here's another Halloween themed article from College Humor:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6633134/the-10-people-who-open-the-door-while-youre-trick-or-treating

Alright, everyone, that's all for now. Have a great weekend, go Skins!

Run For Your Lives Zombie Race

2011-10-24T23:24:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, I loaded up the family and we headed up to the first ever Run For Your Lives Zombie Race is Darlington, MD.
Because this was the first race they've ever done, there was very little information available on what to expect. And I was looking, too. All over.

So here are the lessons I learned doing my first ever race of any kind in 9+ years.

1) Technology today is so vital to your overall well being.
I started the morning at a 9 AM soccer game, and on the way there, I did a search on twitter for "run for your lives". Instantly I had a ton of tweets from people on their way or already at the race. I then stumbled across something called four corners, or something, that allows you to check in and give info about your location.

It seemed confusing and intrusive at first. But eventually enough people "checked in" to the race that there was some good intel and pictures on the race sight. And traffic was a major issue apparently.

So we took people's advice and left a half hour earlier than we would have, to help battle the lines and traffic. We used google maps and the wife found us a way to the parking facility with no traffic. I repeat, no traffic. Is google maps new? Why did so many people drive right into the traffic jam and sit there?

Apparently there was as much as a three hour wait for some, if only they checked and used google maps.

2) Running is stupid.
It is. It's retarded. I found out with my shoulder and my knees that cartilage and tendons are not made of a regenerating tissue. Once that cushion or support is gone, it's gone. It's not coming back.

And do you think anyone will care that you ran X number of miles in Y minutes and Z seconds in 30 years? No, they won't care. It's just not worth it.

There's no chance that the way my body felt during and after that race that all this "running" could possible be good for you.

3) Zombie races are awesome.
The folks that put on this race are geniuses. Rumor has it that its an 8 person company, and they came up with this idea for a zombie race. They put it out there, charged $80 a person to race and as they say in this CNN Money article, "10,000 people showed up at our doorstep".

http://money.cnn.com/2011/10/21/smallbusiness/zombie_race/

Add $10 per car for parking and the vendor and sponsor sales, and these people most likely easily cleared $1 million for this race.

And the race was AWESOME! It exceeded all of my expectations. The obstacles were very challenging, the placement of some of them kicked my ass. Most of the race took place on a trail that was typical of what you would find in Maryland.  Single track, lots of hills and valleys, mud, stones and roots. It was like hiking except your racing and then BAM! Zombie!

One of the worst sections was navigating this huge valley. You had to go down this steep hill that ended at a stream, cross the stream, and then make your way back up a huge, steep hill that was kind of muddy. It was all fine and doable, but then 3/4 up the hill, when you're just about exhausted, BAM! Zombies.  Three or four of them, trying to get your lives (flags).

So I'm sucking wind as is, and then I have to sprint up the hill (like I'm Jerry Rice, people) and put a move on a zombie. The adrenaline kicked in and I was able to get passed the zombie, but I'm pretty sure that's when I started to feel my lungs bleeding.

Here's one of the better videos that someone took while they were racing. It's Team Eat and it helps give you an idea about what the race was like. Including the first obstacle, the Hay Bale Pyramid. You had to climb up one side of the pyramid and down the back. Not too hard, right? But when you come down off the side of the Pyramid BAM! 50 zombies!

4) There aren't many rules when doing battle with zombies
During the first half or so of the race, I foolishly added flag football rules into this zombie race; specifically not flag guarding.

At one point, after I had already lost my first flag, I was running up a small hill and came upon a group of zombies that were roaming on the trail.

Now, I had been saving up a move for this type of situation for quite some time. As one zombie was starting to approach me, I reached back into my Short Bus playbook and borrowed Jonnie Karp's patented "ankle breaker" move.  The zombie had no chance. I blew right by him.

Of course, I was also now completely winded, so I slowed my pace a bit, since I had successfully navigated that group of zombies. When all of the sudden I heard sprinting footsteps and that little zombie with broken ankles had turned up hill, sprinted after me, and grabbed my flag! The outrage!

Of course there's nothing saying a zombie can't turn up a hill and sprint after you, but still! After that, I realized that this is the goddamn apocalypse. There are no rules. The very least I can do is flag guard a bit, right?

5) Zombie 5K's are family friendly!
Now, I have put my children in many situations that some would consider "not family friendly situations" as the good people of Home Depot can attest.

I have hiked many trails while geocaching with kids in tow, that were way over my head, let alone the kids head. I have brought them to watch my go-kart in a hail and thunderstorm. I don't necessarily try to find these places out, they just sort of happen.

We decided to bring the two boys with us, because they were going to have a zombie-free zone with bands, and vendors and all kinds of stuff. We were a wee bit worried that it was a zombie race after all. Who knows what damage seeing people dressed up as the undead could do to a 4 and 1 year old.

Once we got to the main event though, we were very pleasantly surprised!  There were a number of cool bands playing, and the boys dug that. They had funnel cakes and popcorn and other food, they dug that. And everyone that attended the event was extremely friendly. And there were even some other young kids there. Not many, but enough that they weren't the only kids there. So, if you're thinking about bringing a kid to this and you think they can handle it, go for it.

6) I would actually do pretty well in the apocalypse.
I ended up surviving the zombies. And not only that, I finished in 38 minutes. And that was good enough for 1104th place! Now, before you scoff at such a high number, keep in mind that that's out of 10,000 racers.

During the first 5-10 minutes of the race I was really glad I had the Red Bull and Claritin D right before the contest. From 11 minutes on I really regretted taking the Red Bull and Claritin D. I'm not sure there was anything I could have done about the pure shock and pain that my body and lungs had to endure. That's just the price they pay for the decades of laziness and sloth.

At the end of the race, as you approach the finish line, there's a guy standing there letting you know that you're almost done and once you turn the corner, there would be a ton of people cheering you on. That got me around the corner and once I turned the corner, I saw my wife a two boys there cheering me on.

But then, I saw a bunch of people on the other side of the track yelling "Slide! Slide! C'mon! You can do it, slide!" Well if you all want to see a slide....

I'll give you the best slide you have ever seen! At this point I started running like an Olympian performing a long jump. And then, I slid the best damn slide this side of the Susquehanna.

And my wife was in pretty good position to snap some pictures...

Hey, it's ok, I'm sure all those rocks and roots and stuff aren't going to be sharp or anything. They're covered in mud, right?

At this point, I'd like to throw a shout out to the guy in the background with the red shirt on. That slide was for you, dude.

And with that slide into the "Safe Zone" my race was over. I got to greet my adoring fans and get changed out of my wet and muddy clothes.

It was such a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Hopefully they come back to Maryland in 2012. If they do, the wife and I are in. I would recommend it to anyone out there. They've got 7 dates already planned across the US in 2012, including Boston and Portland. More dates are still to come, apparently. Here's the site where you can get all kinds of info:
http://runforyourlives.com/

That's if for now. See? I made it through the whole blog without a single mention of the Redskins or John Beck or the abortion that is the 2012 season! Good for me!

The QB Controversy

2011-10-21T00:26:00.001-04:00

The John Beck era is upon us. And so is 6-10 or 7-9 this season. I have to get that into my skull so that the next couple of weeks are completely painful. This weeks game is on up here, thanks to the Ravens game taking place on Monday Night this week.

Sure the Skins have abandoned Rex and his 19 interceptions in 8 games. Sure, you can read some writers who's opinion is that this QB change is a sign that the Redskins are going to suck hard:
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7113925/beware-qb-change

But there is some undeniable signs that it's time for a change. The fact that the Eagles safety was Train Rex favorite receiver last Sunday. The fact that he's done this every season of his career, just means that Rex is Rex. As Bill Barnwell says, Rex is "the same player who was dragged to the Super Bowl by his teammates in 2006". That's about right. And the Redskins don't have any really scary WR or RB's to drag Rex anywhere.

So bring on John Beck. The only problem is that John Beck is probably not that good. If he was, he would have won the job during the pre-season. Now they'll give him probably 5-6 games to try to improve, and hopefully he does. Hopefully Beck goes all "Tom Brady" on their ass(es) and the Skins somehow continue this season with playoff aspirations.

It would be nice. Of course, it's not just the "Rex Grossman and John Beck are your QB" thing that the Skins will have to overcome, they had extensive injuries on their offensive line. Center Corey Lichtensteiger is out for the season and Trent Williams is out for at least two weeks with a high ankle sprain.

Plus, Chris Cooley, who I believe is at the height of the Redskins fandom with Monday's Junkies show broadcasting live from Cooley's house, suffered what could be a season ending broken finger and knee injury. The Redskins simply cannot keep three TE's on their roster, especially with the O-line injuries. Their going to have to call up all kinds of random players.

So here's a couple of articles to help clue you into who we'll be rooting for on Sunday. Here's a little bit about the left tackle, Sean Locklear:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/sean-locklear-practicing-at-left-tackle/2011/10/20/gIQAc7bf0L_blog.html#pagebreak

And here's a little bit about the two rookies who will be backing up our back ups:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/redskins-banking-on-rookie-backup-linemen-willie-smith-maurice-hurt/2011/10/20/gIQAxUHz0L_blog.html

So now you know. This Sunday, the Skins have the Panthers. Cam Newton certainly seems like a bad ass. And I love Steve Smith. I've seen enough of Steve Smith and Steve Smith stories on E60 and ESPN and the NFL channel to know that Steve Smith is a bad ass. And I love that no one effs with Steve Smith:

So, good luck Redskins. You will successfully hijack my Sunday afternoon again. I hope you don't suck and disappoint. Also, I have bet that the Redskins will win, because I am an emotional, idiot-homer. Let's get to some Entertainment, shall we? It's about time, right?Speaking of hate, here's a Funny or Die video of the Occupy movement. Lord I hate these people:http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/66ui

Here's another reporter failing on live TV:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/66tl

Here's this week's Jambaroo. I recommend incorporating it into your weekly rotation. He makes me lol at least once, and I appreciate the blunt style with which he writes:http://deadspin.com/5851680/when-is-it-ok-to-give-up-on-your-team-for-the-season

Here's an article from Cracked.com. I'm going to try to branch out on some of my Entertainment. And while Cracked.com isn't groundbreaking, it is funny:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-moving-sucks-and-costs-more-than-you-expect/

Lastly, here's a funny onion.com article:
http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/nations-untalented-fast-wide-receivers-mourn-passi,26358/

Alright, that's all for now, everyone. Enjoy the weekend. Go Skins!

Eff You, Home Depot

2011-10-17T23:25:00.003-04:00

Technically this isn't Home Depot's fault, it's more the fault of one of it's employees. Alas, sometimes there's collateral damage when you employ jackasses.

Tonight we went to Home Depot to scope out some future home projects, order some kitchen handles and buy some play sand. While Heather was at the special order desk ordering up some handles, I decided I'd take the boys with me to the sand.

Now, it's 9 PM and we've already been yelled at twice. "Will you watch your baby, sir!" That was because our one year old was touching a gate at the end of an aisle. All the way at the other end of the aisle was some guy working the push-fork lift. That thing that beeps and moves about 2 mph. Apparently "my baby" was in harms way, even though the fork lift is at least 60 feet away (and by the way, child-safety expert, if the child is walking they are not considered babies anymore. When you say stuff like that you sound like a dumbass. That's something you'd say if you were featured on a segment of COPS).

Fine. Kiss my ass, but fine. We make our way to the other end of the store to the sand. Ethan's the pace setter, slightly ahead. While Jacob alternates between chasing after Ethan and checking out the cool things that the Home Depot's lumber aisle has.

As we're walking, I'm half listening to the song that they're playing when all of the sudden the song fades out and they start an in-store announcement.

"The Home Depot wants cares about the safety of your children. Please, when in our store, make sure your children are securely fastened in the seat of the cart. Don't let your children climb on the displays, don't..."

I feel pretty good about myself because so far, so good. My kids aren't doing any of that stuff.

"Make sure you keep an eye on them, don't let them run in the store..."

Oh, dang, Ethan was running a little bit. I guess I....wait a minute...what the hell? That was a special announcement that came on. They interrupted Bryan Adams for that announcement. It's 9:15 PM, there's no more than 15 customers in this entire store. And certainly no children except for mine.

Those a-holes or some a-hole decided that I needed my very own "child safety" announcement! I'm pretty sure I let a "Eff you" slip before I realized it.

I am indignant. There's not much I can do about it. I just hope they know that I know they did it. And I am going to make sure that from now on my kids run around Home Depot more now, than ever before.

As a final insult, I get up to pay for this stuff and there is only one cashier working the entire store. Home Depot's packed to the gills with plenty of busy body, vigilante "see you in Toledos" but don't ask for them to man a cashier.

Whatever. In other news, the Running for Your Lives folks just had their first ever commercial. It was on the season premiere of Walking Dead. I've heard good things about that show, I may dabble since season one is six episodes long and is currently on Netflix on the Wii.

Cool, eh? As far as I can tell, this is something they're trying to do across the nation. The numbers that I heard about are pretty amazing. They have something like waves with 200-450 people running every 30 minutes. And at $75 per person, that's some pretty good dough.

Alright, that's it for now. More coming up later this week, including the Redskins and John Beck vs. Train Rex. Have a great week!

The Top 10 TV Shows Right Now

2011-10-14T00:34:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I've updated the Top 10 TV Shows on Right Now. And now that we're in a couple of episodes deep into the new Fall season, its time to review how some of these shows have fared.
Let's get started.

10) How I Met Your Mother- ok, I'm pretty much over this show. They need to end it soon. They have stretched it out about 2 seasons too long. So now all the characters are more crazy characterizations of what they used to be. Friends did the same thing and made Ross a completely unrecognizable crazy person. I wish they would bow out gracefully for once.

Anyway, How I Met Your Mother is close to the Survivor zone where I just stop caring all together and stop watching. Your warned.

9) Clone Wars- I had a hard time even coming up with a show for the 9 spot. Honestly, I probably only have a Top 7 this go around. This show became a lot more serious with graphic political assassinations and lots of stabbing.

Hello, your audience is young kids. Do you really need to keep stabbing so many people?

8) 60 Minutes- I have added an hour onto this series recording so that it still records if the 4 PM game runs long. I love this time of year, when football is bursting at its seams, spilling into other shows. That's great.

7) Boardwalk Empire - This show is good enough that it fills the Sunday night time slot quite nicely.

6) Parks and Rec- This show is my number two go-to on Thursday night since 30 Rock is not on yet. I'm told they're going to do a mid-season release to accommodate Tina Fey's pregnancy, or something.

5) Always Sunny- holy crap is this show funny. The Atlantic City episode was hilarious (the hair getting stuck, the "happy beach music" montage with the robbery and angel dust and the guidos rescuing them and the ham, it was action packed). I also thought the child pageant was a great episode.

The only thing is that I don't know why the one guy is so fat. Why is he so fat?

4) Modern Family- This show is in it's consistent prime. Every episode is rock solid.

3) Football Life- I love this series. I love the Reggie White/Jerome Brown one (I guess I didn't realize that the Jerome Brown death was on the level of Sean Taylor's Death (although I think Sean Taylor's was worse. Sorry for the parentheses within the parentheses). The scene when Reggie White tells the Vet that Jerome Brown just died was something else). I loved the Kurt Warner episode. And while I haven't watched the Sweetness episode yet, I will love it. Good bless football.

2) The Office- I am a really big fan of the first Michael Scott-less season. The rest of the characters seem to have stepped up. And I can't get enough of the Nard-dog. So kudos to them.

1) The Washington Redskins Game- Now that I am running a DirecTV deficit, any chance I get to watch a whole Redskins game is sacred.

Take this weekend for example. I just checked and the Redskins/Eagles game is going to be on! That means I will get to take a break from the leaves and come in and watch the Redskins hopefully dismantle the Eagles. This is a huge game for the 1-4 Eagles. My buddy at work who is an Eagles fan said that this game is the most important Week 6 game in Andy Reid's career.

The Eagles run defense sucks. The Gravy Torain is back. If Kyle Shanahan can make a dedicated effort run the ball and keep Sexy Rexy from becoming Train Rex, the Redskins will win. And in the process step down on the neck of the Eagles and finish them off. God I hope that happens.

So there it is. It seems as though I'm due for some new shows to watch. My go-to's have become stale. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Also, I'm still out on Breaking Bad, so you don't need to recommend that show.

Now for some brief Entertainment. This is the Clip o' the Week. It's Man vs. Antelope, actually its a mountain biker getting pwned by an antelope:

Now, I love me some ranch. If I was in college and had access to the Hidden Valley Ranch bottle that they sell at Costco I might have tried this. This is called Ranch Chug Fail:
http://youtu.be/bfqk7Bd-HUg

Now these pictures are great. I hope they don't have something like this at the zombie race. This is 30 pictures of people being scared at a Haunted House:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/65zs

Here's a reporter dropping an eff bomb on live tv. It's ok, everyone. She's just reporting the news.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/663l

Alright, that's all for no. Have a great weekend and Go Skins!

The Netflix Fail

2011-10-11T23:05:00.001-04:00

I find the Netflix debacle to be extremely interesting. I love Netflix. I loved them when they would simply ship me movies. Then they brought streaming, movies on demand through my Netflix. What was not to like?

I even look down on people who don't have Netflix. They are like people who still don't have a Garmin or TomTom or some kind of navigation system.

"Excuse me, can you give me directions?" No. I will give you an address and that's all. If you can't figure out how to get there with an address, then I'm not going to ruin that place's day by having a neanderthal like yourself show up there.

Anyway, Netflix had almost no communication with me. Which was fine. I didn't need to communicate. I pay them $20, they send me movies. Done and done.

A few months ago, they sent an email that said because of the rising cost of setting up the movie library with streaming they would have to raise their prices. Fine. Understandable. I lowered my movie intake from 3 in-house to 2 in-house plus streaming. My cost stayed the same.

But people flipped out, apparently! The great Netflix has done gone and effed up, so to speak. As it turns out, it looks like they may have tried to rename the streaming business and sell it off to a company (Amazon.com?) or investor. But no one was interested. So their beleaguered CEO Hastings backed off and said, "Ok, never mind. We'll keep Netflix as it is. My bad."

There's one more piece to this story, and that is Netflix relationship with investors. A couple of months ago, their stock price traded around $304 per share. Hastings then reported to investors that he predicts more growth,reven from the $300 price level. Hastings then proceeded to drop his pants and spray explosive, watery diarrhea all over the walls of Netflix. Their current stock price? Just a shade under $108.

I wonder how that relationship is going between Hastings and Netflix's investors? Tense? Strained? Less than good?

There are a lot more lessons and stories from the debacle that I'm not going to rehash. If you'd like to read some good articles on it, you can click here:
A Heavy Price to Pay: The Netflix Debacle
and/or here:
Web Business Lessons from the Neflix Debacle
and:
Can the Damage be Undone?

Or if you'd like you can watch this skit from Saturday Night Live about Netflix:

Alright everybody, that's all for now. I'll be back later this week.

Man v. Zombie

2011-10-06T23:26:00.003-04:00

You know what? It's been a while since I've checked in on the 5K that I signed up for. And since we're two weeks away, I should probably do just that.

I've already upgraded my regimen (my first regimen is me doubling up on Claritin D about two hours before the race, then chugging a Red Bull) to include running short distances sorta fast-like along with the original regimen.

I started last weekend when I ran from Ethan's soccer field to the parking lot. I stopped just short of the parking lot because I was tired. Lesson learned, good thing I'm a natural athlete with a mild addiction to whatever the D is in Claritin D.

So let's check out the Running for Your Lives website, shall we? As you can see, the first obstacle that I will have to deal with is something called the Terrible Tubes. Since I'm racing in a post apocalyptic world, I will have to navigate a real sewer system!

The finish line worries me, because there's a fence (to keep the zombies out). That could be a doozie. You know with all the supporting your body weight with your arms thing:

I'm not sure if you can bet on this race, but if you can I would recommend putting all your money down on me going down on The Hill (that's what she said). Here's the description: "Obstacle Release #3 The Uphill Climb. It’s just a hill. No surprises. We promise."

And finally, this last obstacle looks to be the most fun, "The Over Unders, is it over? Or is it under? It doesn't matter, there will be zombies chasing you". That's awesome.

I'm psyched. I'm also going to remember to run/jog/fast walk more often than just "Saturdays". Now, for some Entertainment. First up, is a Clip o' the Week II. It's a 29 year old and she hears for the first time, thanks to her implants. Cochlear implants.

Here are some Internet Heroes via CollegeHumor.com
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6618338/internet-heroes

Lastly, I came across this article from the NFL.com's 1st and 10 newsletter. I highly recommend it. Every day NFL.com sends me the top 10 stories regarding the NFL and it's season. There is some good stuff in there, I recommend signing up for it.

Here's a good reason why you shouldn't let your football players tweet. Actually, it's not that he's a football player, its because he's an idiot. You shouldn't let idiots should tweet.
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d822cabc0/article/vikings-wr-berrian-in-twitter-war-with-veteran-of-real-one?campaign=Ext_Email_1st10_Daily

Ok, that's it. That's all I've got. Enjoy your BYE week!

How To Spend Your Bye Week

2011-10-04T23:30:00.002-04:00

The Bye week is upon us and I'm hear to put my two cents in for what The Redskins are/should be doing this weekend (see, I've got things under control this weekend. I will be hitting the annual Sausagefest in Delaware on Saturday, then Sunday I believe ribs are in order! As an added bonus it's supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny on Sunday! I'll make sure to follow the Red Zone channel and fantasy football, especially since I went 3-0 last week).

As for the Redskins, I have suggested that the Bye week is a perfect time to practice up John Beck so he can start against the Eagles in two weeks. But several people have pointed out that that probably won't happen. I mean, the Skins are 3-1 after all. Are you going to bench your quarterback who was at the helm as your team went 3-1?

Probably not. And the fact that they won't just means that Beck is probably not as good as Grossman. So inserting Beck after the Skins go 3-1, what happens if he loses the first two? They play the beat up, borderline-self-destructing Iggles (if you call them "the Dream Team" it really infuriates Eagles fans) and then the Panthers. It's possible for the Skins to lose those next couple of games, especially with Vick and Cam Newton. If you go to Beck, it's going to be real hard to go back to Rex. And the season will probably be over.

So what I propose is that the Shanny's should coach up Beck and insert him at different points or situations during a game. The 49ers did it with their rookie Colin Kaepernick this past Sunday against the Eagles.

Even if Beck comes in a couple of times in 3rd and long or on goal line situations, that would be enough to have the opposing Defense have to spend at least some of their time going over what to do and game plan for Beck as well as Grossman. Plus, you'd get to see what Beck could do in a game situation.

So why not, right? It can't be worse than watching Rex throw a terrible interception at the worst possible time late in the game. God, I hate that.

Steve Young called him out for acting like a little kid after the Cowgirls loss, and that seems about right:

Alright, enough on the Redskins. Here's this week's Clip o' the Week. My brother James sent this along in honor of me going to the Sausagefest this weekend. I had no idea what direction this was headed in. But I like where it ended. It's the Epic Meal Time fools:

Check it out! Arrested Development is coming back. Episodes that lead up to a movie. Color me interested.http://news.yahoo.com/arrested-development-announces-show-movie-000604419.html

Banner Day as Arbutus gets a bakery and a sandwich shop downtown! http://www.baltimoresun.com/explore/baltimorecounty/news/ph-at-heisters-grill-1005-20111004-1,0,7891499.story

And here's a crazy story. More important than this crazy rock climber is the fact that Lara Logan is back doing stories for 60 Minutes after getting sexually assaulted in the Middle East last year:
http://youtu.be/pPzmYSglBWk

Alright, that's all for now. More later this week.

Fall Fell

2011-09-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

Finally, we have the first solid fall weekend of the year. The humidity broke today, so finally, it's not moist everywhere. For those of us who sweat easy, let me be the first to say that even if the temperature is in the mid 70's, if there is 86% humidity in the air, I am going to be sweating with the smallest amount of physical exertion.

No, this weekend we are moving solidly into the sweatshirt/long sleeve t-shirt mode. And, it appears as there is an ass-load of Octoberfests. Germantown is having theirs, my brother's school in Leesburg is having their Shocktoberfest, and the Montgomery County Agricultural History Museum is having their Fall Festival (It's even more fun than it sounds!).

But best of all, for me at least, is that the Ravens play the Jets Sunday night and that leaves Sunday around 1 PM wide open for the Washington Redskins game!

It's already on the schedule and I get to sit back and hopefully watch the Redskins run all over the Rams. Dear god, they have to. The Rams are terrible. Ranked 31st in most categories. The Dallas game made us no longer feel confident about this squad. If we're a good team, we take down this Rams team, no question about it. We head into the bye week 3-1 with two weeks to prepare for the Iggles.

The Redskins haven't been a good team in 15 years. We lose games like this ALL THE TIME. Are the Redskins truly headed in a better direction? Or are they the same ol' Skins. Destined for mediocrity no matter what they do, probably because of incompetent ownership. Like the Orioles. I don't want the Redskins to be the Orioles of the NFL.

I do have a glimmer of hope, if the unspeakable happens and the Redskins lose My prediction is that the Skins win, but not by much. And Rex Grossman sh1ts the bed as he is wont to do. I think the Skins go into the bye week and kick the tires on John Beck. So even if Rex is Bad Rex or Train Rex, our season still has a chance. And that chance is John Beck.

Alright, let's get some Entertainment all up in here. Here's the clip O' the Week, it's described as the best accident description ever:

And here's a good, quick article on last week's issues from the Skins/Cowboys game, including whether or not that all out blitz on the 3rd and 21 would be called again if there was a similar situation: http://washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/nfl/2011/09/redskins-notes-shanahan-playcalls-haz-blitzes

Wait one second, lady, this isn't supposed to be funny: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6614990/weather-graphics-sensitivity-not-working-for-newscast...

I love me some two story belly flops:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6612703/two-story-belly-flop

I wish I had a fb friend named Trevissa:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6613874/new-facebook-has-the-same-old-idiots

Did you know about Wayne Gretzky's daughter?
http://m.thechive.com/2011/09/29/wayne-gretzkys-daughter-is-attractive-14-photos/

My brother's got a fundraiser this weekend down in Northern Virginia. If you like beers, and bands and a kid friendly environment, you should stop on by.
http://www.shocktober.org/schedule.html

Alright, everyone. That's all for now. Have a good weekend, Go Skins!

Is This How I Will Die?

2011-09-27T01:08:00.002-04:00

Man, tonight's Cowgirls/Skins game was too much. I was too nervous to talk about tonight's game leading up to the game. So much so, that I somehow worked up a pretty strong headache by the time the game started.

Fortunately a couple of Advil and a couple of Hell or High Watermelon beers, and I did away with that headache, no problem. But still, it was a typical Washington/Dallas game. Way too close. No team really doing enough to win the game and at times looked really bad doing it.

And as usual, the game was close the whole way through. And there were times when I thought, "They are going to find me face down on the floor tomorrow morning. Just my mortal coil wearing my Chris Cooley shirt, and Sportscenter running replays of the 9 FG's and the anchors gushing about a gritty Romo performance.

Brutal. Just brutal. On the positive side, it was good to see LaRon Landry back. He brought the pain tonight!

I liked this hit because the entire stadium thought they had just seen a player get killed. This hit was Sean Taylor-esque. Not a bad comeback considering he hasn't played in over a year.

On the downside, Rex was bad Rex tonight. As Redskins Nation got on the verge of insanity, there was an interview that someone did, where he warned Redskins fans that Rex Grossman is still Rex Grossman. And that we shouldn't let him suck us in with his confidence and bravado.

I must do a better job of not letting Rex suck me in. Watching his post game press conference, he seemed totally rattled. Almost like he might cry. It's too bad. I like the guy. I must not get sucked in.

So there's a quick turn around this week. The Skins have the Rams on Sunday. They need to bounce back. Despite this loss, the Skins are 2-1, 1 and 1 in the division and tied with the Gints and Cowgirls.

The Rams aren't going to be easy. I remember last year when the Skins somehow got beat by a Rams team that was supposed to be one of the worst in the league. The Rams got embarrassed last week, so they will be back looking for a win this weekend.

If you want a good recap of all the good and bad, check out the Sports Bog:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/redskins-cowboys-best-and-worst/2011/09/26/gIQAw7jh0K_blog.html

Alright, that's enough for now. Go Skins. Please, get a win next week. For the love of god.

2011-09-22T23:28:00.004-04:00

Whoa, did you know that baseball is still going on? Just kidding. I'm still vaguely aware that baseball is still on. Only because the Orioles keep playing the Red Sox and Tampa and those two are locked in the Wild Card race.

I figured now is as good a time as any to update our You're Wasting Your Time MLB 4 Team Draft. To be honest, I haven't looked at these standings since May, probably. Whenever the O's officially went from being "young, frisky team that's exciting to watch and will battle at .500 all season" to "the same old Orioles who don't just crap the bed, they spray explosive diarrhea all over the bed, the sheets, the floor, walls, doors, windows, you name it". Only this year, the O's have sucked so bad that it has caused a beloved former player/hall of famer to shoot himself in the face with a shotgun.

Wow! John Feinstein came onto the Junkies shortly after that and said that this has to be the nadir for the franchise. With Angelos in charge, this is the way it's going to be. They'll fire their GM and architect of this current team (McFail) and maybe keep Showalter around. But really who knows. And who cares.

I didn't go to a single Orioles game this year. Didn't have any desire to. I don't think that's happened before. I don't want to abandon this team, yet. But boy, having those Nationals just down the road, they've got draft picks that have hit (Strasburg, Bryce Harper) and they have a nice stadium that's not too far, and as far as I can tell, their ownership isn't a black hole of sorrow and despair like Angelos.

I haven't jumped yet, but I'm certainly entertaining the thought.

Of course, if I'm shopping around my allegiance, why hamstring myself to a local squad? Let's take a look at the 4 Team Draft MLB Style current standings and see if my next favorite team is somewhere out there (Note: each point is worth $2).

1) Me, 320 points, +$372

Teams still in the hunt: Yankees, Milwaukee, Angels

The Yankees have clinched, the Brewers are in first in their division with a 4.5 game lead but haven't clinched anything yet, and the Angels are 2.5 games out of the Wild Card. My old roommate Patapoff and I went to an O's/Yankees game once back in the early 2000's. The O's were getting drummed and the Yankee fans had invaded Camden Yards and out numbered the O's fans (at least as far as cheering went).

We had great seats and didn't want to leave. So to make the evening more enjoyable we decided to have a little experiment where we would be Yankee fans just for that game. To see how it felt. And you know something? It felt great! I loved it. There haven't been very many happy times for me at Camden Yards, but the last 5 innings of that game, when I was rooting for the Yankees, it was good times.

But I will never root for them. I just can't.

2) LaRon and Dean, 320 points, +$372

Teams still in the hunt: Boston, Dodgers and Tampa Bay

Tactical error taking both the Red Sox and the Rays? Probably not, they both got a decent number of wins and Dean and LaRon most likely have one playoff team out of the two of them. The Dodgers are 12 games out of first and 10 games out of the Wild Card spot, so they're probably cooked.

As far as teams that I would want to take on as my own, there aren't any of them here. I could never be a Red Sox fan because they are just as awful as the Yankees fans now. And I think I would have to wear one of those pink Elsberry jerseys with all the other band-wagon jumpers out there. I can't do it.

3) Team Douche Rocket, 312 points, +$162

Teams still in the hunt: San Fran and St. Louis

The Giants are 5.5 games out of first an 3.5 games out of the Wild Card. The Cards are 4.5 games out of first and 1.5 games out of the Wild Card. Bagel's best case scenario is one of the teams gets hot at the end of the season and tears through the playoffs a la the 2010 SF Giants.

I could be a Giants fan, I did live out there a bit. But that would be a stretch. No teams here.

4) Laser Show, 295 points, -$34

Teams still in the hunt: Phillies and Detroit

Wow! The Phillies are expected to be good, but did you know the Tigers have already clinched a playoff spot!? That's great! Good for them. Detroit is a devastatingly depressing city, so the fact that the Tigers are back in business AND the Lions are putting it all together this season is great to see! Nice job, Karp-dog. Looks like you are the only one who believed they could do it from the very beginning.

I wonder if this means we'll get a meaningful Thanksgiving football game now that the Lions are good? Let me see....oooh, the Lions and Packers play in an inter-divisional battle-royal! Excellent!

5) David Roth Team, 295 points, -$76

Teams still in the hunt: Rangers

I'm not sure why the points are the same with Karp and David, but the money is different, but it won't matter if the Rangers don't go all the way and win the WS.

6) I'm Wasting My Money Too! 277 points -$216

Teams remaining: Braves

Alright, Matt. It's not over yet. You've got the Braves and they've got the Wild Card as of right now. Should be an exciting end of the season for you. If you cared about baseball. Or this league.

7) Patapoff, 266 points, -$580

Teams remaining: None

Wow, a rare fantasy misstep for Patapoff. He doesn't have a winner or a chance. Soak this in everyone, it probably means Patapoff will sweep the Hanover League and the YWYT 2011 NFL Draft V.

Ugh. Even writing that is a chore. That might very well be the last baseball post on this bloggy blog for a long, long time.

Ok, now it time some Entertainment to save this blog. I'm going to lead off with a video that gives you an idea why I can't be a Red Sox fan. Now, this video doesn't say it's filmed in Boston, but come on. That little CT couldn't be anything but from Boston:

Here's an article entitled, "If your dad named the TV Shows":http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6609431/if-your-dad-wrote-tv-titles

I got this from themmpodcast.com, its a crowd turning on the police to protect one of it's own:http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=m3B-XzrA7S8

How about a little Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/cool-dad-raising-daughter-on-media-that-will-put-h,26132/

And lastly, let me just say, Go Redskins. Beat Dallas. Giddy up.

The Flood

2011-09-21T00:14:00.001-04:00

I survived my second weekend in a row of not having the Redskins game on. This week I fared better because I was no longer in a single hotel room with my entire family in Colorado with the San Diego Chargers and the freaking Vikings being the only NFC game on in the Denver viewing area.

For Christs' sake, Denver. This was 9/11/2011. The Washington Redskins were playing the New York Giants. I think Darryl Worley is talking to you, Denver.

I don't get any of the radio stations that have the Redskins on, so I tried to listen to the station. And when it was game time, they stopped steaming live and gave you the BS Report instead. Unbelievable. Why is this so hard?

I tried in vain for a RedZone channel, but couldn't find any. So I called Comcast and ordered up the Red Zone for $7 a month. It's not terrible. I need to get a solid mobile updating text, so I know when to pay attention to the Redzone and I will round out my poor man's Sunday Ticket.

And I still get nationally televised games.....like Monday Night's game, the 2-0 Redskins taking on Tony "I only have the strength to whistle the plays" Romo and the Cowgirls (I know that Romo's going to play, and I know that the Cowboys are probably going to win this, because we always lose in Dallas. We're something like 2-13 over the last 15 seasons. There's no possible way we can win down there).

Ok, now here's a couple of videos of the flooding up in Pennsylvania from a couple of weeks ago. The first video is one that my brother James made as he and my dad and mom and others cleared out what they could from the first floor.

The deck is completely destroyed. And my dad and brother put it in a year ago. Brutal.

And then there's this video that my wife saw on facebook. It's a house floating down the river.

Added bonus, because these took place in Pennsylvania you can click on some of the "related" videos, like "Deer Swept Away in Flood Water". Good times indeed.

I was not expecting that house to explode like that when it hit the bridge. That was unbelievable. Alright, so that's all for now. I'll be back later this week.

The Four Team Draft and Entertainment

2011-09-16T01:47:00.000-04:00

Sorry, this blog has been severely shortened due to Bill Belichick. I sat down to start writing while the Belichick documentary was playing in the background, and the next thing I know a half hour has passed and I haven't typed a single word.
But I have discipline. And a DVR. So I hit pause, put on some NFL Review show hosted by Dan Patrick. Perfect for the background.

And while we're talking about the NFL, let's review the results of the Fout Team Draft V, shall we? Here are the results in the order they were picked:

1) Dean- Packers, Lions, St. Louis, Bills
Dean, you picked the Packers. And they are awesome. And so is Aaron Rogers. They an obvious favorite to win the Super Bowl. And you will be rooting for them all season. And you are a Bears fan. Interesting. The Lions could take care of business and the Bills could be a sleeper, well done. The Bradford/Jackson/Amendola injuries hurt.
2) Karp- Patriots, Texans, Bucs, Bengals
Pats Packers SB makes sense. Brady is cool and so is Belichick. If you need a little background on Belichick, like I did (I knew he got divorced, but when? And who was that blond chick that was on the V Rings?) here's his Wiki page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Bellamy
Ha! Just kidding. That was Bill Bellamy's wiki page, google tricked me into clicking on it, so I thought I'd share. Here's Belichick:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Belichick
If the Texans are ever going to win the South it'll be this season. And the Bucs still seem to be good, and Bengals were supposed to lost and be terrible, but they won. A positive Week 1.

3) Bagel-Ravens, Cowboys, Cardinals, Panthers
And in keeping with the first two picks, the Bagel picks his favorite team and has the pleasure of rooting and profiting from his team winning. The Cowboys, unfortunately still have Romo at the helm. And based on Jason Garrett blaming the loss on the Jets jamming their headsets (Hey, douche, you were up ten with 6 minutes left and you lost the game!) That's great to see. I'm glad no one in the Dallas Cowboy organization is to blame for the loss. It was all the Jets cheating. The Cardinals might be good! Kolb might be good. Wisenhunt, we know is good. The Cards aren't a bad pick. They're probably better than the Chiefs. And the Panthers have Cam, who could be great. Should be a fun season for you.

4) Me- Jets,Chiefs, Redskins, 49ers- Eesh, realistically I have two horses who could be in this race. I missed on the Chiefs. Only I'll never pick the Lions until the do something, I had the Texans last year and I immediately placed them along with the Titans as teams I will never pick again, no matter how good everyone says they're going to be. The Jets have Rex Ryan and I like that guy's moxie. The Niners will probably get me 7 games at most. And that will probably get me a point for their brief playoff appearance.

5) Matt- Steelers, Bears, Seahawks, Broncos
I don't think the Steelers are done. I don't think their D is too old. I would rather wait a minute before you proclaim the Steelers and their D finished. The Bears could be better than everyone thought, which is good. Travarais is still Traterrible, and people seem to be writing off the Broncos. I think it's too early to do that, but they have quite a QB controversy on their hands, don't they?

6) James- Eagles, Giants, Dolphins, Browns- Eagles, they look strong. Giants, they're injured. The Dolphins, it could be a long year for the Dolphins. Browns, same.

7) David- Saints, Colts, Jaguars, Raiders
I always like the Saints with their coach/QB combo. That's usually a good indicator (see: Spurrier and Woeful. Zorn and Campbell). The Colts are being proclaimed the worst team in the history of the game now that Manning is out. Don't worry, I'm sure that's not the case. I'm sure their head coach is going to figure this out.

And the Raiders could do alright. I hope so, I am hoping Jason Campbell succeeds out there. I like that guy.

8) Patapoff- Chargers, Falcons, Titans, Vikings
I said it the night the draft ended (and Bagel said right after Patapoff picked), this year the 8 spot produced the best options. I think Patapoff came away with the most potential playoff teams. The Chargers won, the Falcons will do well on turf, not grass. But the Vikings have McNubb, so they aren't going anywhere.
I will hit up the MLB Four Team Draft update next week. I also need to collect for the NHL and NBA. You know, what with the economy and all, people gots to get paid.

Ok, the Clip o' the Week has to be this video my wife tipped me off to. It's a young kid in Utah who is riding his motorcycle, gets into an accident with a car, he ends up with the car on top of him, his motorcycle catches on fire along with the car.

And here's what happens next:

Un-freaking-believable. Man, that's the one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life.

In other Entertainment, here's an alarming article about Netflix. Netflix and I have never been better, especially with the streaming. Apparently not everyone is:
http://www.benzinga.com/news/earnings/11/09/1919089/netflix-lowers-3q-domestic-subscriber-estimates

The Skins play at home on Sunday at 1 PM. The Fox channel that I get, 26 miles away from where this game is being played is airing Paid Programming and the English Effing Premier league. What a bunch of assholes. I am going to put my plan into place and see how it works. I will try to get the game on the radio on 92.7, I will put on the NFL Channel's Red Zone and have my twitter feed going. My emergency back up is family dinner at the Green Turtle in Laurel (maybe Columbia, no, never mind, Laurel) starting at 3 PM on Sunday.

I can already tell I hate this. I am going to be chopping down some trees by early November.

Now, here's a reality show contestant on a show I will never watch:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/62w0

You knoww what, the Onion is funny and needs to be on this site more. I will work on that:
http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/michael-vick-unemotional-on-return-to-atlanta-i-ha,26087/

Here's my brother David's school's Halloween fundraiser. If you're in Leesburg, or like to get scared, please go check it out:
http://youtu.be/_eyMN8xIhxw

While watching this I have two resounding sentiments. The first is that I need to know what these people's parents did to them so that I do not repeat those mistakes and raise douchebags like this. The second resounding sentiment is that I keep looking down the road they are standing/dancing on and I keep hoping that I see me driving towards them and then plowing into the entire crowd of them.
http://youtu.be/gPbVRpRgHso

This link also serves as a good reminder that Star Wars Clone Wars starts tonight on the Cartoon Network:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6603442/darth-vader-feels-up-sexy-stormtrooper

Take a trip down Nostaglia Lane with this Funny or Die article:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/614h

For those of you who don't yet think that Baltimore is cool, check out this new clip from Irene:
http://youtu.be/kwgCD9hVSbI

Ok, that's all I have for now. Enjoy your weekend and the Fall weather. And go Redskins!

Rocky Mountain High

2011-09-14T00:41:00.000-04:00

And I'm back. The family and I just concluded a 10 night Colorado vacation, getting back late last night. And it was a great trip. I also learned a couple of other things this trip that I thought would share with you, the valued and persistent reader.

First thing that I learned on this trip is that Colorado is awesome. Colorado is one of the two states on my list of states that I would move to no questions asked, should the opportunity present itself. In fact, I think I may rank Colorado as my favorite, non-Maryland state in the Union. Right now, our new house, family and friends are keeping us here in the good ol' MD, but I'm telling you, just give me a reason and I'm outta here.

The second thing I learned is that Colorado is doing quite well for itself. We hit 5 different cities in Colorado during our whirlwind vacation (Colorado Springs, Boulder, Estes Park, Crested Butte and Denver) and we stopped off at a number other cities along the way (Golden, CO being one of them, home of the Silver Bullet, aka CL Smooth).

During our stop in Colorado Springs we went to their town park to watch the Balloon Classic. 65 different hot air balloons took off at Butt Early o'Clock Sunday morning. On the way back to the car, my wife's cousin pointed out their town Velodome. A Velodrome is one of those bowl stadiums that bikers race around in. Here, click on this link to see what I'm talking about:http://www.csvelodrome.org/

Wow. You know your town is doing pretty good for itself when you get to the part of your To Do List that has "Build Velodrome". Baltimore, for example, hasn't gotten to that point of their To Do List. They're still somewhere between "Losing the nickname Bodymore" and "Keep roads from crumbling into many pieces when cars and trucks drive on them".

Baltimore is not at Velodrome status just yet.

The third thing I learned is that I now have a new candidate to replace my Liberty, when that awesome vehicle finally gives up. It's the GMC Acadia. I know, I had never heard of them either before, but we had one for our trip. And the ride was fantastic. We had a ton of room for the four of us, plus my sister was able to comfortably sit in the middle row with the two boys in their car seats. We folded the third row down and had plenty of room for our 6 huge suitcases.

It had all the bells and whistles the new cars have these days (satellite radio, a turn signal that goes off 3 times if you gently and quickly push it in the direction you need, a well designed center console area with plenty of places to hide drugs and alcohol). I found myself longing for the Acadia no less than 5 different times today. True story.

The fourth thing I learned on this trip is that my life is going to suck without DirecTV. We stayed at a Doubletree in Denver this past Sunday. Their TV coverage was spotty at best, as the ESPN and ABC channel didn't come into our room. The TV was a nice flat screen, HD ready, but there were only a couple of HD channels and I couldn't find a Guide channel to tell me if they were showing the Redskins game in my room.

I thought I had a chance with the Skins playing the Giants on 9-11 and all that. The Broncos weren't playing till Monday night, so there was a chance I thought. Turned on the TV at 2 PM and BAM! No Redskins.

They had the goddam Vikings/Chargers game. So, the first game of the season, and I'm stuck watching Donovan McNubb throw the ball at his new teammates feet (he finished the game with a total of 39 passing yards. Nice job, Shanny and Bruce Allen for getting anything in exchange for him).

I was left with following the Redskins game on NFL.com's game tracker and twitter. It was an awful way to watch a game. To make matters worse, in the comment section of the game tracker, there were the comments from people saying they found a great "live feed" website where you can watch the game. Well, I foolishly clicked on several of the sites, because I was desperate, and now my email account is getting spam-botted in the ass. Great.

I have to find a solution to this problem post haste. I did gobble up as much as I could about this game, and although it's only the first game of the season, and you shouldn't look too much into it, and all those other qualifiers you have to say right now, but I am one win away from setting my expectations at winning the NFC East. I also love articles like this one about the players vetoing their Monday dayoff and electing to come in and watch game film:http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/redskins-pass-on-victory-monday-players-decide-they-dont-want-the-extra-day-off/2011/09/12/gIQAEXmdNK_story.html

I also got a text from Oneface, still upset that I took the Skins one pick ahead of him on the 4 Team Draft. That's a good sign, even though it's Week 1.

And Reed Doughty is still Reed "Fucking" Doughty. At one point, after Reed "Effing" Doughtly got burnt again for a touchdown, he became a trending topic on Twitter and based on my particular feed, I can tell you it wasn't something he'd want his mom to read.And lastly, I learned that when traveling, you should be open to doing and seeing things that you would normally blow off. I learned this as we were leaving Estes Park. My wife wanted to stop by the famous Stanley Hotel. It's apparently the hotel that inspired Steven King to write The Shining (although it was filmed in Oregon, they did film the 1997 made for TV miniseries the Shining at the Stanley. I know, incredible).

So I say, sure. What the hell do I care? It's not like I have anything to do, I'm on vacation. We go in, and look around. At first we're disappointed when we discover that they never filmed The Shining in that hotel. But then I go into the basement of the hotel where they have all of their Shining memorabilia and autographs and I see this curious thing autographed and hanging on the wall:

It's a signed script of Dumb and Dumber. As my brain starts calculating what I'm seeing, I hurriedly asked the man working in the basement if they filmed Dumb and Dumber at this hotel, and he said, "Yes. A few scenes were filmed here."

"Which scenes?!?" I asked breathlessly.

"There were some in the bar and in the front of the hotel and...." I stopped listening to him at this point. I booked it back up the stairs to the bar and sure enough, look what I found!

I even made my sister take my picture of me leaving the bar shouting, "We landed on the moon!" Just like the movie!

It's practically impossible to tell the difference, isn't it?

We watched the clips of the movie as soon as we got back and discovered that all of the scenes from the time they rolled up to the hotel in the Lamborghini and throughout their time in Aspen were filmed in this hotel. It was awesome. And I never would have discovered this if I hadn't been open to my wife's idea.

So there you go, Thursday my plan is to clear out my Inbox of all things Entertainment. As well as dive into the Redskins' upcoming game against the Cardinals. I also have to update all of the Four Team Drafts that we're doing, most importantly the NFL, but also baseball is winding down so we need to see who's got who heading into the Fall. Have a good week!

Your Four Team Draft V

2011-08-31T00:08:00.006-04:00

Ok, let's kick it off, shall we? Dean you have the honor of kicking of the 2011 Four Team Draft. The Bengals are still on the board, so have at em!

The rest of us will follow this draft order:

1) Dean
2) Karp
3) Bagel

4) Me
5) Matt
6) James
7) David
8) Patapoff

After Dean, it's Karp (will the Patriots fall to Bagel and third overall pick? We shall see).

Good luck everyone. Just kidding. I hope you all suck the big one.

The Four Team Draft Order V

2011-08-30T23:29:00.004-04:00

For some reason, I really like using the roman numeral V. It's just an impressive looking number. Five years from now, I'll be psyched to use X, but for right now, I'm savoring the V.

This year, has been no less hectic than any of the previous years, as far as I can tell. Ideas of getting this draft order video done at a reasonable hour, were quickly dashed by the realities of the day and my week.

I needed to get this done tonight. And we need to start this draft tomorrow Wednesday (we're starting it Wednesday and if we have to carry over to Thursday, so be it). So here we go. We know the dates, let's find out the Draft Order, shall we?

Ok, so here's the order for this year's draft:
1) Dean (aka Deano Batagoober)
2) Karp (aka Jonnie Karp-dog)
3) Bagel (aka Bagel of the House of Slytherin)
4) Me
5) Matt (aka Oneface)
6) James (aka Jimbo or Racist)
7) David (aka Poophead)
8) Patapoff (aka Unky Al)

The Draft will start tomorrow morning upon Deano's first pick. Game on,everyone! And happy NFL-day!

In case you're interested in seeing how things can change in a year, check out our 2010 Four Team Draft Video IV:
http://urwastingurtime.blogspot.com/2010/09/four-team-draft-order.html

Mother Nature is a Whore

2011-08-25T23:43:00.007-04:00

Sonofabitch. I was going to post the draft order drawing tonight, but as it turns out a couple of things worked against me. One, the Skins had a preseason game, so I was busy watching that. Then it turns out that it's young Jake's first birthday, so that also makes it difficult to run a draft.

And it seems like the league has decided that it would be better if the draft were held Thursday of next week, instead of Tuesday or Wednesday (I think, I still feel bad that I botched a string of emails regarding that. Everyone was on board, except for me. I might be losing my fastball and I'm not happy about it).

So with the stress of a draft video off my shoulders, I really don't have much of a blog. What I do have is the best hurricane information you'll need this weekend, should you be in the path of that whore Irene.

Here's the latest on the path she's taking:http://www.accuweather.com/blogs/news/story/54098/hurricane-irene-to-slam-into-t.asp

They seem to be freaking out a little bit more than I've ever seen. Not only have they ordered the evacuation of Ocean City, but they're not letting anyone into Ocean City unless they show their emergency personnel credentials. Umm, they've never done that before. Especially two full days before the hurricane makes landfall.

That makes me nervous. When Isabelle hit and pummelled this area that was just a Tropical Storm. This could come up the the Chesapeake Bay and be a Category 2 on it's way to a Cat 1 when it hits this area. Among other things, Isabelle caused wide spread flooding and downed trees:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effects_of_Hurricane_Isabel_in_Maryland_and_Washington,_D.C.
Well this house we just bought has "major water issues" which is what helped us get the house, ironically. And on top of that, we have trees and branches all over the place that need to be trimmed or cut down, only we haven't gotten to that task yet. We have an arborist coming out Monday morning at 9 AM, but I fear I'm living in one of those tragic documentaries where the announcer says things like:

"They bought the house they'd thought they'd die in, only they didn't think it would happen the first year they lived there"

or

"They bought the house thinking they would retire in that house, only Mother Nature had other intentions"

And after they show a bunch of storm footage and the remains of our flooded out house with 12 trees lying across it they would end the documentary with the arborist showing up Monday morning at 9 AM and the graphics showing that we waited 24 hours too long to get the arborist out here telling us that we needed to act immediately.

So as long as we survive this weekend, I plan on posting the draft order on Tuesday and have the draft Wednesday or Thursday.

Now, for some quick Entertainment, since you probably won't have power long enough to enjoy it. This first one is called "How not to jump into a pool". Poor thing:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/607r

Here are 5 things that Hollywood is trying to make us think we're cool:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5zi3

Check out the iTunes store as they are having a $0.69 sale on all kinds of good songs. Songs that you like and aren't worth $0.99.
Want last week's True Blood recap?
http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/episodes/4/45-lets-get-out-of-here/video/inside-the-episode.html

Here's a wasp v. spider video:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6589111/garden-spider-vs-giant-wasp

Here are some terrible people on facebook:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6584566/the-worst-people-on-facebook-and-possibly-the-planet

These are all true:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6587632/15-things-you-were-going-to-do-this-summer-but-probably-didnt

Ok, that's all for now. More football next week. Good luck with Irene. We'll hopefully be back next week with the Draft order and then the Four Team Draft V.

Stimulate This

2011-08-23T22:42:00.006-04:00

Despite all kinds of potential distractions (a 5.8 magnitude earthquake anyone? For the love of god, what the hell was that? And then you combine that with forecasters calling for a Category 4 hurricane hitting Maryland Saturday night, and you begin to wonder if Jesus hates me. It's more likely the politicians or Cowboy fans that live in this area, but still), so as I was saying, despite all of these distractions, I have managed to focus and single handily try to kick start this economy.

I have been on a major purchase spending spree. Well, actually, it's just two items, but it's still major. The first purchase I made last week was a new phone. My Palm Pre served me well in the 21+ months that I had it. But the battery was shot and I could barely hold a charge long enough to make a phone call.

So I went down to the Sprint store and picked me up the new EVO 3D. That's right, 3D baby. If your text message doesn't come flying out of my phone and slap me across the eyeballs, I just can't be bothered. So far I give the phone two enthusiastic thumbs up.

It links up people by name, number, facebook, twitter, Linked In and every porn site that they've ever visited (let's just say Karp-dog is no longer allowed within 20 feet of our produce drawer in our refrigerator. Sinner.)

I also dig the 3D graphics weather wise. When there's a thunderstorm the phone's weather graphics make it look like my phone is traveling through a cloud burst. It has the ability to take a 3D picture, but I haven't messed around with that yet.

So, that was major purchase number one. Major purchase number 2 is super kick ass. When we first bought this house I knew that this would be a possibility. And as the summer pressed on it became more and more apparent that one day, before the leaves fall, I would need a tractor of some sort.

Well, this Friday the good people of Sears Roebuck, will be delivering this bad boy:

Aw yeah. That is the 42" 24hp V-Twin Briggs & Stratton Turn Tight™ Hydrostatic Yard Tractor. It's a tractor, not a riding lawn mower. Why? I have no idea. But I'm going with it.

It has a cup holder and based on the online reviews that is one of the best things about it. I can imagine it is.

So as of Friday, I'm taking my yard work (and drinking) to a whole new level. Just in time to drink and build a sandbag fortress for hurricane Irene. And please, keep in mind that I didn't do this for me. I did it for you. And all those Americans who are suffering in today's economy. I know that I did my part and bought to items that I really didn't need and probably can't afford. Your welcome.

Now, that's all for now, but here's some programming notes. This Thursday I will post the Draft order on this blog for our Four Team Draft. The Draft will be occurring in one week, on Tuesday the 30th of August. Its a little early this year, but it's a shortened off season for everyone, so we'll just have to cope.

Much the way the Redskins coped the last two strike shortened seasons, by winning the Super Bowl (and for those of you keeping track, my preseason prediction has been rising steadily after each game. I am now at 8-8, but I can tell I'm moving past the 8 wins and am one step away from a 9 win season. It depends on how the Skins do this Thursday against a very good Ravens team. Giddy up).

Ok, see you later this week.

Get Your Fantasy On

2011-08-18T23:42:00.003-04:00

It is officially fantasy football season. I have gotten all three of my leagues underway. We're currently making arrangements to begin our Four Team Draft V courtesy of franchisefantasysports.com. We have kicked off the Hanover Street and Jackhole leagues.

The Skins have their second preseason game of the year Friday night (and my current trajectory has me predicting a playoff run and other purely irrational thoughts by Sunday morning of Week 1!). John Beck will get to start as he has been pre-ordained by the Shanahans as this seasons starter. The John Beck Era begins now (wow. I do not feel good about that statement).

And Deano has mentioned to me that he has a new game that he'll be testing this fall on franchisefantasysports.com called Pick 4. It sounds pretty cool, and once I get more details about it, I'll pass it along.

I expect the Four Team Draft to occur on this site a week from Tuesday (I think that's the 30th of August), so stay tuned as I'll post the live drawing sometime next week.

Ok, let's get into some of this Entertainment that I've had building up over the past week. Here's a little more about the Redskins new starter John Beck:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/john-beck-inspirational-story-or-a-fairy-tale/2011/08/18/gIQAsrzWOJ_story.html

Did you hear about the Hoyas getting into a fight with the Chinese National Basketball team? It sure does seem like the Chinese were the a-holes in this one:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/fight-ends-georgetown-basketball-exhibition-in-china/2011/08/18/gIQAs1zeNJ_story.html

Here we have a first base coach catching a ball with his face:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5z6w

I don't think there can be anything worse that getting kicked by a horse. I think if I got kicked by a horse I would want the kick to kill me. Because I don't want to be conscious and feel that pain.

Although, this one is ok, because he's foreign and doing something that I clearly will never get caught doing:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5z6f

Clear my social calendar! Geocaching.com now has events that you can attend and meet up with other geocachers and talk shop! There's probably an event near you!
http://www.geocaching.com/calendar/default.aspx

It's Vampires vs. Witches! This True Blood season is quite enjoyable. Here's the episode recap from last week:
http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/episodes/4/44-spellbound/video/inside-the-episode.htm

Our Clip o' the Week comes to us from Kevin "Sloth No More?" Hardy. It's Predator: the Musical.

I will probably be singing "If it bleeds we can kill it!" over and over today. Here's a hilarious and high flying womens moto cross race from the X Games:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3s19jjEeHE&feature=player_embedded

Ok, that's all I have for now. Enjoy your weekend. Go John Beck and Go Redskins!

Kid-cation

2011-08-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

I apologize for the lateness of this post. Jacob's daycare has been closed this week, so both boys went off to their grandparents house Monday morning and we are picking them up tonight. That meant that Monday and Tuesday we were kid-free.

So we took full advantage of this, going out to eat both Monday and Tuesday night, and then going to the movies last night. What movie did we see? Well, thanks to Bagel's constant barrage, we decided that we should finally go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows II.

"You have to see this movie in the movie theater!"

"I can't tell you how great this movie is, you have to experience"

"I was skeptical that they would be able to pull off a movie that not only encapsulates everything that occurred in the last book, but also wrap up the epic, movie/book series in way that's worthy of the entire series"

Well, Bagel, you were right. I, too thought that the movie was great. It was intense and action packed for the entire 2 hours 10 minutes. I thought that the battle scene, especially the attack on Hogwarts was done really well and they conveyed just how massive a battle that was.

They wrapped up the Snape story-line appropriately, and did their best to get all lose ends and main characters wrapped up nicely.

So that's the reason this post is late. Kid-cation is over, we pick up the boys tonight and I'll be back later this week with more bloggy goodness and some Entertainment.

My Bulging Inbox

2011-08-11T23:14:00.005-04:00

Well, it's Friday. It's beautiful out. And maybe your company is currently experiencing a bit of a slow down, thanks to useless politicians, a stock market gyrating so much it would make Lady Gaga blush combined with it being prime summer vacation time.

That's enough to make you look around and say, "Hey! I think I can get away with a solid hour, hour and half of wasted time. I think I'll hang ten for a while (see what I did there? Hanging ten, Internet surfing? Eh, comrades?).

So, to help you out, I'm going to unload my Inbox and all worthy Entertainment that's trapped all up in there. So, without any ado whatsover, here's a lazy August Friday load of Entertainment:

To start off, here's the video of the Durantula catching fire at Rucker Park in Manhattan. If you would like to know all about Rucker Park, you can check it out here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rucker_Park

And here is the video of Durant taking over. Not seen is Westbrook driving and missing a lay up for straight times right before these threes:

Of course I'm all for a good fart video. However, I think there should be some acknowledgement of the fart. Otherwise it could be a leather chair making that noise. I'm just saying. It takes something away from the fart if it's not obviously a fart. I would also like to say that thanks to last weeks vacation with a 10 year old, an 8 year old and a 4 year old, if you announce that you are going to practice your duck calls, and the loudly fart, you will slay your audience every single time:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ynl

Kudos to the announcer on this baseball tarp FAIL. He says little, but adds a lot to the video:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ynn

When pedophilia is funny:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5yjr

how you liking True Blood this season? I like it a lot. Here's the Inside the Show for last weekend's show:
http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/episodes/4/43-cold-grey-light-of-dawn/video/inside-the-episode.html

If you like Game of Thrones and 80's era video games, you'll enjoy this:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6579356/game-of-thrones-rpg

This is pretty funny on the replay:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6578352/false-start-is-truly-embarrassing

Amir's funny:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6577851/jake-and-amir-jakes-gift

I didn't lol, but I did cub (chuckle under breath):
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6579615/five-easy-ways-to-show-you-dont-give-a-fck

AM, FM, Shoot Me in the Head

2011-08-09T00:08:00.003-04:00

And I'm back. The family and I headed north last week to spend some vacation time in the great, white north (wait, is that racist?). We headed to Charleston Lake in the 1000 Island area of Canada, just north of Syracuse.

And while the vacation itself was fine (big breakfasts, kayaking, watching the kids run around for hours on end, lots of geocaching) I did come away from this vacation having learned some lessons.

Lesson #1- I am thoroughly spoiled and addicted to my iPod. We took my wife's Highlander instead of my Liberty. I was ultimately ok with it because the Highlander gets better gas mileage than the Liberty. Gas is ridiculously expensive in Canada, but they do it liters, so you have no idea how much it will cost you until you start pumping (hey, I used to know a girl like that in college!). I did some math and the gas price up there comes out to about $4.90/gallon.

Also, the Highlander is big enough that we can fit a human between the kid's two seats in the back. This is helps keep the number of stops down when it's time to feed the baby. So I was fine with all of that.

The big draw back for me is the absence of the direct connect to the iPod. We listened to some CD's for a while, but when that got tiresome I gave radio music a try. In a very short period of time I got tired of that. All I can say is that the PA, NY and Canada radio stations lean pretty heavy on ZZ Top and AC/DC. I like AC/DC as much as the next guy, but in small doses. And it would help if they played songs other than "Shook Me All Night Long" and "Shook Me All Night Long" for the love of all that is good and holy in the land.

I gave the AM a try, but with the ass-clowns in DC and their shenanigans of the past week, I got pretty sick and tired of hearing the terms "debt ceiling" and our nation's "AAA credit rating". Eventually, I just settled for the audio that I caught off of the boy's Pingu DVD.

Lesson #2- I'm ok without the Internet. For about a week. I enjoy the break. I enjoy not checking for the little envelope on my phone and then spending a couple of minutes deleting emails that are totally worthless.

But during the NFL pre-season, I would have preferred a little more intel on how the Skins are doing (injuries are a big story, especially since Beck has had a sore arm and now has a sore hammy. Not a big deal until we see what happens on Friday night, the Skins first preseason game against the Steelers).

One thing I did do, though, was keep notes on anything I heard on the radio that I wanted to check out when I got home and once again had access to the Internet. On Friday we picked up NPR for a little while and the host of "Science Friday" started trumpeting the awesomeness of this particular video. I believe her quote was something to the effect of "run, don't walk to your computer and watch this video". It's a video of the camouflaging ability of an octopus.

I was cynical at first. But then I saw it. And now this video is our Clip o' the Week:

The other nugget I gleaned off of the radio this past week was a movie coming out called The Devil's Double. It's a movie of Uday Hussein's double and what it was like to live in the House of Saddam Hussein during it's heyday.

I think it's coming out soon, like this week:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270262/

No relation to this movie:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072725/

#3 I have a lot of Entertainment after a week of not checking emails. Over 1,000 emails to go through. Most are trash, but here is just some of the Entertainment that I have gleaned from the first 900 emails or so.

Check out the beginning of the slow, but steady decline of the popularity of the Redskins:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/small-crowds-at-redskins-training-camp-reflect-lockout-teams-downturn-lack-of-stars/2011/08/01/gIQABvC2nI_story.html

Of course they are not yet to the level of the Orioles apathy. But it's probably on the same path. Especially if Shanny doesn't work out.

I found that this writer on the Patch.com to be a good read. He revisits his article that he wrote after the O's started the season 6-2 and got a little carried away.

I love that he revisited his article and updated his various points and predictions:
http://arbutus.patch.com/articles/owning-up-to-my-unfounded-orioles-prediction

And lastly, here's another video that I got off of Bill Burr's podcast. It's Buzz Alrdin, who's probably in his 80's punching some blow-hard, a-hole who keeps harassing him. There's no chance a cop or judge busts Buzz for punching this guy, right?

Alright, that's all for now. I'll be back later this week.

A Quick One

2011-07-29T00:10:00.005-04:00

This blog will be brief, because I need some sleep, yo.

First up, the Skins. So far, in the first two-three days of this Free Agent Frenzy, I think that the Skins have actually done a very good job. They got rid of their two biggest albatrosses and actually came away with draft picks! I honestly didn't see anyway that the Skins would have been able to trade McNubb or Buttersworth. But as it turns out, the Vikings desperately felt they needed a QB and the Patriots think they can turn shite to gold (good luck with all of that).

So kudos. And from an acquisition standpoint, they picked up Bowen from the Cowboys, Cofield from the Giants, Josh Wilson and their D looks a lot better and they have 51% of the total WR that are in the League (including Jabaar Gafney, who most people are pretty high on around here).

Now we just need to wait and see if there's anyone on the roster who can throw the ball. We'll get our first glimpse on Friday night, August 12th, when the Skins take on the Steelers in their first preseason game.

Now, onto the Entertainment. First, I'd like to say that pictures like this make me laugh:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/923023

Facebook humor:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6511761/facebook-burn

More Facebook humor:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6570071/awkward-facebook-is-awkward

Funny grocery store signs. Thank goodness for the Internet. I would hate to think that Pop-tards might go unseen by millions;
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5whv

I like the look on the co-anchor's face when the guy says the c-word. She's like, "Why are you saying cunt on live TV?":
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5x2o

Here's a pretty funny skateboarding FAIL. You gotta fear the "death wobbles":
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5x1x

We (by we, I mean myself, my wife and Comcast) have botched this season of So You Think You Can Dance. So far, we missed the last to performance episodes due to Comcast's utterly retarded DVR. So we've only been able to watch the elimination show and the clips that go along with it. Most frustrating. Especially since the clips we do see look awesome.

So I've got no feel for who's doing well and who's failing. What I do know, is that if you are interested in seeing this show perform live, the Patriot Center is the closest they come to Baltimore, as far as I know:
http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/1053544?wt.mc_id=dm-EMC-TA334275_49OnSaleSoon

And to finish off this blog, here's a video that Bill Burr uses to sell everyone on whether or not Jerry Lewis is funny. I would say that, yes. Jerry Lewis is pretty talanted/funny. What do you think?

Alright, that's it for now. Have a good weekend, go Skins! Go O's (get to .500, I probably won't be attending any games this season, but I still get your text updates. So let's make it respectable, huh?).

Death and Life and the Living Dead

2011-07-26T23:23:00.003-04:00

We have an update on our Death Pool! As you all probably know, the perennial Death Pool candidate, Amy Winehouse died Saturday. Our reigning Death Pool Champion, Jonnie Death texted me to let me know that his wife, Mrs. Death (aka Angie, aka Mangie) had Winehouse in the pool and he was proud, and blah, blah, blah. Whatever.

I of course, thought for sure that I had Amy too, since I had her on every single Death Pool since this thing started. I went online and checked out my submission, and alas, I left her off. And so did everyone else!

Amy, that crazy slut (God rest her soul) slow played her Death and waited until everyone either forgot about her or figured that she has one of those permanently pickled hearts that will never stop ticking. Upon reflection I remember coming to both Amy's name and Bin Laden's name and I decided that I couldn't put both of them on there this year, since I always put them on, so I settled with Bin Laden and left Winehouse off.

Big mistake. Amy Winehouse was just 27 years old, which means Angie not only gets credit for the death (she had Liz Taylor too, so her Death count is 2), but she gets an unbelievable 73 points in case it comes down to a tie (you subtract the dead person's age at the time of death from 100. Amy was 27 (100-27=73). So with Amy's death, this is what our current standings look like:

1) Angie Mrs. Death- 2 deaths, 94 points
2) Me- 1 death, 46 points

That hurts. I need a death and at least 48 points just to die. Stay tuned, we still have 5 more months of this contest.

Ok, enough of that morbid topic, let's change the scenery and go from death to life! And by life I mean, the birth of the 2011 NFL season. And boy is it back! There has already been a flurry, nay, a deluge of activity and signings and cuts and we have only a few days to drastically change the landscape of your season.

Already, the Redskins have signed Santana Moss to a new 3 year deal worth $15 million (I am really glad they re-signed Moss. If we can get a potential number 1 receiver like Sydney Rice or Santonio Holmes, then Moss as a number 2 and Armstrong, Hankerson and Banks make a pretty fast and lethal WR core). McNabb talks are heating up with the Vikings, so hopefully we can unload Donovan and get a bag of peanuts or something in return (Wow, just heard that Glazer tweeted that McNabb is being traded to the Vikings for a 6th round draft pick in this year's draft and a possible 6th round pick in the 2013 draft. See what I mean? It's 12 midnight and there's late-breaking news pouring in! It's awesome! They should do this every year!).

And the biggest story has to be will Beck be able to secure the starting QB position. Shanahan has basically said, "Look, Rex Grossman is pretty terrible. Donovan McNabb is so bad that we're shipping him to anyone who will take him. Also, I might be bringing in the "Great Disappointment" Leinhart, just because we need another arm to shag punts and throw them back to the long snapper. Beck, if you can't emerge the starter from this crowd, then you should reconsider any plans to start in the NFL."

Right now, the NFL warrants 'round the clock vigilance. NFL channel at home, www.ProFootballTalk.com at work, and twitter whenever possible. It's like Christmas in July. The only coverage medium that has been disappointing and slow is the podcast. I need a good NFL podcast other than Rich Eisen and the Junkies (I think Simmons is on vacation or something, probably the last one until February). Any suggestions would be appreciated.

And lastly, the Living Dead. A co-worker told me about this 5K that is taking place on October 22nd. Of course I am vehemently opposed to "running" or "jogging". It pummels my knees and back and it's hopelessly boring. However, after checking out their website I signed up in 0.7 seconds for this 5K. Why? Because you aren't running for 5K, you're running for your life! From zombies!

That's right, it's called Run for your Lives (www.runforyourlives.com) and there are obstacles and zombies that come after you and then there's a kick ass party afterwards. It's a race that combines my love for parties with my love for post-apoplectic movies.

It's one of those things where you fork over the money now, immediately. And then you just wait. And in 3 months I am going to be so happy with that purchase. Check out the details and if you want to do it too, sign the eff up. The more the merrier. It's $73 to race, $93 if you want to camp there too. If you just want to watch the race and party, it's $32 to enter.

That's all for now. I'll be back later this week.

2011-07-22T00:14:00.003-04:00

Due to the ridiculous heat that is gripping our area (and most of the US) I had to mow my lawn tonight. It appears that it's only going to get hotter as we go into the weekend, the best time to mow my lawn had to be tonight. So I started at 8 PM and I got done around 9:30 PM. It was completely dark, I got stung or bit by some kind of insect on the back of my knee, and once it got dark I started using my face to get massive spider webs down between branches.

It was far and away one of the most miserable lawn mowing experiences that I've ever had. It was like mowing the gotdam Dust Bowl. Grapes of Wrath was occurring on my front lawn.

As a result of my efforts, I have set up a nice Saturday of not mowing my lawn. I also have no time or energy to write up the blog I wanted to write. So this one is going to be all Entertainment.

First up, our Video o' the Week. It's from Funny or Die and it's called Field of Dreams 2. It's based on the current NFL lockout which seems to be on the verge of ending (spurring one of the most euphoric weeks in the history of the NFL. The relief of knowing that there will be a football season, mixed with the craziest 24 hours when Free Agency begins. The NFL is a powerful drug. And I am an addict.)

Here's some high school kid who works over a politician. Pwns is actually more accurate:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6171259/high-school-journalist-pwns-politician

This one's for Bagel. Happy Deathly Hallows Part II, Bagel:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6565353/harry-potters-friends-sign-his-hogwarts-yearbook

This is one of the all time great FAILS. Jet Pack Fail:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5w9w

And here's a planking FAIL:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5w9c

The Beasties and Action Figures (by the way, their new album is great. I highly recommend it. And in other "these bands (dj's) will never die" news, the Chili Peppers are coming out with a new album next month):
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5vdr

Alright, that's it. Enjoy the air conditioning all weekend long. Go O's. Go NFL.

JT and Entertainment

2011-07-19T22:30:00.003-04:00

Not sure if you saw Justin Timberlake when he hosted Saturday Night Live a couple of months ago, but I just caught it this past Saturday Night during the replay. And it was awesome.

JT is a very impressive entertainer. He can pull of a wide range of sketch characters and he can hold his own against some of SNL's best current talent. Let me show you a couple sketches.

The first sketch is one of my favorites, called "What's My Name?" JT clearly outshines Lady Gaga in this sketch. Which isn't to say Lady Gaga is bad in it, she's just a little rough around the edges.

The next skit demonstrates that JT can keep his act together, even when one of SNL's best (Bill Hader) starts to lose it. I can pretty much guarantee that Jimmy Fallon wouldn't have been able to hold it together.

Here's a sketch that I'm including because Kristen Wiig is in it. I'm also including it because Justin Timberlake does a really funny job with his character. I also think that Kristen Wiig's hilarious and her droopy boob dance made me lolaotmfp:

And finally, here's his follow up to Dick in Box. It's called "It's Not Gay if it's in a Threeway". Watch out for the "helicopter"!

That's four, pretty solid sketches to come out of one episode. And Lady Gaga did Lady Gaga stuff, which is always enjoyable. She's sort of a cross between Madonna and a real life Mary Katherine Galaghar.

Ok, now, I've been sitting on some Entertainment for a couple of weeks now. First, a bunch of writers, reporters and literary publications have put their name to an ACLU filing against Dan Snyder and his ridiculous, yet on-going suit against the Washington City Paper reporter. Here's a blog's top 5 lines from the ACLU filing:
http://dc.sbnation.com/washington-redskins/2011/7/19/2283174/aclu-brief-dan-snyder-lawsuit-washington-city-paper

I'm not sure how I feel about this blog. Most of me likes it:
http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

True Blood's been pretty good this year. They're definitely reaching their "mature" stage of the show, where most of the characters are pretty established and they are able to move the plot along without explaining much:
http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/episodes/4/40-im-alive-and-on-fire/video/inside-the-episode.html?autoplay=true&cmpid=ABC162

If there's ever a fart story on the news, and I see it or hear about it, I promise it will be on this blog. And that's a promise:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ugq

This can't be real, can it? Also, isn't this the McDonalds right there off of Charles and Lombard in downtown Baltimore?
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6535288/racism-at-its-finest

Here's the best of stupid Facebook conversations:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6553329/best-of-stupid-facebook-conversations

Ok, that'll do it for now. I'll have more later this week, and hopefully we will officially have football by then.

The 5 Day Weekend and Cowboy Monkeys

2011-07-14T22:46:00.005-04:00

This past weekend I had to unexpectedly venture up to Canada due to a death in the family. And while it was a sad event, it may have given birth to a whole new way I may vacation and travel.

See, I've been stuck in a box where I go and spend two, 1-week long vacations every year. Something like a cruise or a week at the beach, or a week in Colorado. And while these are all kick ass vacations, they tend to box out other, very deserving vacation destinations.

So when we left town this past Friday, we didn't return until Wednesday night. All day today, I couldn't shake the feeling that even though I had only missed three days of work, it felt like I was gone for a whole week. I kept saying this at work as a way to bitch about how crazy my day was, but then my co-worker said that she was going to start taking vacations like that.

And the more I think about it, the more I think that I might start taking vacations like that as well. A 5 Day Vacation!

Basically, what you do is take off on a Thursday night for a 5 Day Vacation and you don't return until Tuesday. There are many bonuses to this. First, 5 Day Vacations are enough time for you to get away from your home and your work and immerse yourself in vacation-mode (you know, vacation-mode is where you wake up and your only task at hand is to figure out where you are going to eat a kick-ass breakfast. Sometimes you can spend a whole hour, hour and a half searching and exploring for breakfast. I love vacation-mode).

The other benefit of taking a 5 Day Vacation is that it opens up a wide variety of destinations that you otherwise wouldn't visit, because it can't carry a full week-long, 7 or 8 day vacations.

This will you allow you to explore neighboring states, beaches, mountains, towns or cities. Would you want to spend a week in Charlotte NC? No, probably not. But would you like to spend a day at the 5th Annual Masonic Carolina Pig Jig BBQ Cook off in Raleigh, then drive over to Got to be NC BBQ Cook off the next day? Of course you would.

This also works great for away games of your favorite sports team. Why not go see the Orioles play in Anaheim, then hit up Disney World or the beach (I'll tell you why not, the O's suck high and hard. Lost 8 straight and are barely playing .250 ball, let alone .500 ball. Stupid Orioles). The Skins play the Dolphins on November, might be a nice getaway sandwiching the Redskins 9th straight win to start the 2011 season.

I think I am going to use my next 5 Day Vacation to visit Chicago and Peoria, IL and see a bunch of college friends that I haven't seen in way too long. It would be had to take a full week of vacation for something like that and a weekend goes by so quickly, I would be rushed the whole time and leave disappointed. But I leave on a Thursday, spend Friday and Saturday in Chicago, I can drive to P-town early Sunday morning, visit with friends and then spend Monday touring Bradley U and Sully's and the like. It's perfect!

So I thought I would share with you my breakthrough in vacation technology, at least for me.

And since I still haven't properly gone through my personal email since my return, I will hold off on an Entertainment dump till next week. In it's stead, I present to you, Cowboy Monkeys. We saw the advertisement at the Harrisburg Senator's game we went to in May for Mother's Day. It looked awesome.

Unfortunately, the Cowboy Monkeys were visiting tonight, and I was definitely not going to be in Harrisburg tonight. So here's a little Cowboy Monkeys for you. Enjoy and have a good weekend:

A True American Hero

2011-07-06T22:29:00.006-04:00

I saw on the baltimoresun.com this afternoon, that all of 295 was shut down because someone was firing gun shots onto or around the parkway.

It seemed odd, because 295 has had gunshots before (it runs from DC through PG County, it's how they signal lane changes down there) and they didn't shut it down.

Then came some more details, this didn't occur in PG County, or DC or South Baltimore, this happened near the exit for BWI, only a couple of miles from my house! Apparently someone was armed, but they didn't shoot. They snuck through the woods, came up behind one of those mother effing "speed enforcement vehicles" or "GDA-holes ruining people's days" for short.

This guy, excuse me, Hero walked up to the jeep, shouted something to the a-hole, douche inside the car, then went to town on the jeep's windshield. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

I think anyone who's job is a contractor for the Maryland State speed enforcement vehicles department should get hit on the head with a hammer every morning before he leaves his driveway.

There is plenty more detail to come. They haven't found the guy (I hope he gets away, but so much of that area is under video surveillance, it'll be surprising if he gets away for good) but judging by the 163 comments on this story, the public isn't necessarily crying for this man to be brought to justice:
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/anne-arundel/bs-md-ar-highway-shooting-20110706,0,4444937.story

Paul Revere and Daniel Boone would be proud (see what I did there? I'm only 2 episodes into America, The Story of Us and I'm already smarter. That is a 240+ year old reference. That's content you just didn't get from this blog prior to me watching that documentary).

It also got me thinking, that I don't know anyone who would do that job. Those people are completely alien to me. They're like TV or movie characters.

I was watching the HBO documentary Hot Coffee, and one of the three stories that they told, to show how big business has waged a PR campaign to push for things like tort reform and frivolous lawsuits, was about a girl who worked for Haliburton.

She was 19, and probably pretty hot, since she's pretty hot now. She applied for and received a job in Iraq, working with other Haliburton employees. She lived in company quarters and after dealing with plenty of sexual harassment, she was drugged and raped.

She then realized that when she agreed to work for Haliburton, she signed away her right to ever press charges against Haliburton. She agreed to "in-house mediation" which meant her attackers would never be punished and she would never have her day in court.

Here's his testimony:

There's a scene were Franken is cross examining a Halibuton lawyer who said that the policy of "in-house mediation" creates a better work environment. Franken asks if getting drugged and raped constitutes a better work environment, then what was it like to work there before they had that clause. The dude is so smug and unaware, that he laughs, as if Franken is telling a funny joke. The camera pans over to the victim, Jaime Lee for her reaction and she is on the verge of crying/flipping out.

It slowly dawns on the lawyer that he's obviously being a heartless ass in the face of this woman, and he stops chuckling. I hate that guy. And in looking at him, I realized that I don't know anyone like that. We don't run in the same circles. Again, it's someone who is like a movie character.

And as a last example, I don't know anyone who would gather round and form a hug circle around some lying whore who killed her 2 year old daughter. It's bad effing form.

So I guess, the point of this blog is that I'm not sure who these people are, or what makes them wake up every morning and ruin people's day with speeding tickets, or allowing rapists to get away scott free, or even celebrate a murderer getting off on murder charges, but the world should be filled with more men willing to come out of the woods for a brief moment, yell incoherently, and then beat them with a hammer.

Amen.

America and Entertainment

2011-06-30T22:36:00.004-04:00

It's the Fourth of July weekend. Hell to the yes. Next to Memorial Day, this is probably the best 3 day weekend of the year.

Actually, now that I think about it, the Fourth trumps Memorial Day because of the parades and Arbutus Soap Box Derby. There's never been a better combination of speed, fear, sweat and poor craftsmanship that can directly result in a one way flight on a Medivac helicopter.

In honor of this great nation's Declaration of Independence, here is a song and video that properly sums up this great nation of ours. Be warned, there is some foul language in this video. But if you are against that, then you are against the First Amendment. And to you I say, "Go back to in your cave, Taliban!":

Now, let's get to our Star Spangled Entertainment*. First, here is all the info that you need for the Arbutus parade (there's a fly over!):
http://www.baltimoresun.com/explore/baltimorecounty/publications/arbutus-times/ph-at-parade-preview-0629-20110629,0,7316971.story

Next, here's some Mumford and Sons as The Wedding Band. Apparently they released an album or an "LP" with four songs on it with the pseudonym The Wedding Band. As far as I can tell, this isn't available on iTunes, but I'll keep looking:
http://treeswingers.com/2010/10/21/the-wedding-bands-mumford-and-sons-the-first-dance-ep/

There's a lot to like on this next video. It's titled, "Man squats 1000 lbs, pukes and then passes out":
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6156877/weightlifter-squats-1000-lbs-pukes-passes-out

Hey, this isn't creepy, is it?
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6546876/the-internet-is-for-virgins

Jake and Amir hit the gym:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6544954/jake-and-amir-gym

The Redskins won a free agent away from the Vikings? It had to be because of more money, right?
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d8208fb92/article/atogwe-considered-vikings-before-signing-with-redskins?module=HP_headlines

This one's called "Reporter attacked by camel". Excellent:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5nvk

And this one is "Grandma gets pwned by soccer ball":
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5rvf

For our last piece of Entertainment, let me give you an article all about hosting a 4th of July cookout. There are tons of links on this article so make sure explore the various BBQ recipes:
http://bbq.about.com/od/seasonal/a/aa062800a.htm?nl=1

That's all for now. Have a happy Fourth of July!

*This Entertainment contains no real spangled stars.

Panic

2011-06-28T22:43:00.005-04:00

I knew that the NFL lockout was coming. I had been preparing myself for the better part of a year now. I knew that we were probably going to have a work stoppage of some sort, so I watched every game, read every article last year and listened to every NFL podcast with that in mind.

I thought I did the best I could do trying to get mentally prepped for this situation. And it appears, as though I completely failed.

I find myself freaking out on people when discussing the lack of a season coming up. Right now we should be knee deep in off-season acquisitions and free-agency. I'm a Redskins fan, this is typically the best time of year for our team.

The chinks in my armor started showing last week, when Yahoo and ESPN and CBS all started sending me emails telling me that it's time to start up the fantasy football league. I was able to delete the first couple of emails without consideration.

But after the 3rd and 4th email, I started thinking about what would be going on right now if there wasn't this lockout.

We would probably be starting to look at potential fantasy players. We'd probably have at least one league set up ready to go. I won the Championship last year in our Hanover League, so I would probably have already set that up with my team name "The Champ". I get to use that name for the entire season, you know. Of course, I will be bitterly disappointed if the season is shortened, or worse, doesn't happen.

I'm not sure how the players are doing, but I can tell you I'm starting to crack. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. The Ravens already cancelled their training camp at McDaniels College. I think its getting worse.

I will search for things to fill that void, in case this does stretch past July and into August. Right now I'm at a complete lost. Further updates as warranted.

Alright, now for some Entertainment. In keeping with today's football themed blog, here's an article asking if Sydney Rice might be headed to the Redskins. I hope the answer is "Yes". But I don't think it makes sense for Sydney. Why would he come here when he doesn't know who will be throwing to him:
http://www.onlinesportsbookpro.com/football/nfl-football/could-sidney-rice-be-headed-to-the-washington-redskins/

I stumbled across this documentary series on the Netflix on the Wii. It's a really well done video that goes through the United States' history from Jamestown on. I'm only on "Revolution" but I recommend it highly.
http://www.history.com/shows/america-the-story-of-us

And here's the trailer:

My brother David just bought season 1 of Arrested Development. It's a great show, and he sent along this clip from one of the episodes he just watched. This clip helps to show just how funny that show is/was:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyus-qt0HVI&feature=related

True Blood started up again this past Sunday. It was thoroughly enjoyable. I also enjoyed this read from Bill Simmons' new website grantland.com by the site's TV writer:
http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/576/true-blood-recap-tempted-by-the-glowing-fruit-of-another

If you were dating this girl, it would be at this exact point that you would realize that you are going to have to dump her:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6539170/woman-solves-global-warming

More facebook funnies:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6537600/3-more-of-the-dumbest-people-on-facebook

Alright, that's all for now. I'll be back later this week for a Fourth of July Extravaganza!

DeShawn's Tats and Entertainment

2011-06-23T22:48:00.005-04:00

Here's an amazing story for you. DeShawn Stevenson got arrested shortly after he and the Mavericks won the NBA Championship for public drunkenness. That's actually not the amazing part of the story.

DeShawn's mugshot picture proudly displayed two things. The first is that DeShawn has a ridiculously long neck. And two, DeShawn has a tattoo of Abe Lincoln on his throat with a couple of number 5's on each side of honest Abe. Behold:

So on the radio, someone asked what is the tattoo all about? As it turns out, it's a very important lesson that he learned, never tell another NBA baller what type of tattoo you think you're going to get.

"I was going to get Martin Luther King and I told Gilbert Arenas. You should never tell nobody your idea. That summer, he came back and got it. So I didn't know who to get. I got Abraham Lincoln because he freed the slaves. I just had Abraham Lincoln and, from a distance, everybody kept saying, ‘Who is that?' So I put the five-dollar bill so everybody would stop asking me."

See? Makes a lot of sense doesn't it? And you probably learned something too. You should never tell nobody your idea.

Ok, now, for some Entertainment. This might be the last Weiner video this blog ever posts. It's been fun.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5rm7

Here are 12 great moments in news captions:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5s8a

Remember how the Redskins are tearing out hundreds of seats in the upper deck of FedEx Feild (the largest, free standing whore in Prince Georges County)? Well, now you can buy those seats, Redskins fans! Think about all the great memories those seats have seen since Dan Snyder has taken over the team!

I would buy one, but I fear that when I bring it into my house I'll have the sudden urge to fire my wife, hire Amy Winehouse as my new wife, who will only love me if she's really high. Then I'll probably invite people over for dinner or cookouts, only I'll charge them $20 to park in my driveway, $10 to park on the street and offer a walkers special where for $5 if you walk to my house and enter through the gate (it's really the best value). And of course I will charge for every beer, wine and water consumed on the premises. And I'll serve nothing but 2 chicken tenders per person for $12 and a side of cold french fries. No salt.

Anyway, here's the link if you want more info on those awesome seats:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/redskins-selling-800-removed-stadium-seats/2011/06/22/AGzXF5fH_blog.html

In other Redskins news, our 5th round draft pick from Nebraska, Niles Paul is keeping a blog at the Post. In his first ost he talks about living in his parent's basement, sleeping on the couch, since he hasn't spoken to the Skins and he hasn't signed a contract. I sure do hope the lock out comes to an end soon. This if effing horse shite:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/football-insider/post/niles-pauls-journal-living-in-mom-and-dads-basement/2011/06/22/AGJxksfH_blog.html?wpisrc=nl_sports

Game of Thrones ended last weekend, and it was awesome. I can't believe we have to wait until Spring of 2012 for the next season. Good news, is that True Blood kicks off another season. If you haven't seen the show yet, HBO has put together everything you need to know in under 5 minutes. Also, its a good refresher.
http://www.hbo.com/true-blood/about/video/true-blood-in-under-5-minutes.html?autoplay=true&cmpid=ABC162

Ok, last Redskins post. Although this is one everyone can enjoy. It's the worst moments in Redskins history.
My vote is:
2) Sean Taylor dying
1) Dan Snyder taking over the team:
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/06/23/redskins-worst-moments-on-display-thursday/

Alright, everybody. That's it for now. Have a good weekend, go O's! Go Labor Agreement in the NFL!

The Dog Days of Summer

2011-06-21T22:43:00.005-04:00

I'll be honest with you, I don't have a lot to go on right now. The NBA and NHL have wrapped up their season, and the riots and making out is now a distant memory.

The stupid NFL is still in their stupid lockout, so there isn't much behind that door. I still peruse my Redskins Google Alert every day, just in case there is something that's worth a damn, and there's usually nothing but rumors and here say.

Lately, there has been a lot of rumblings of optimism coming out of the owner meetings. Some said that they owners and players association members were told to postpone any vacations in the next two weeks because an agreement could be coming any day now.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/06/21/negotiations-continue-wednesday-in-boston/related/

I'm still trying to prepare myself for no football, so that means you can't get too excited by stories like this, because it will only set you up for a major disappointment. For crying out loud, training camp should start in 3-4 weeks! They haven't even had free agency so far this season.

As for the Redskins, there are a few stories speculating that the Skins could go after Plex:
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d8206b6da/article/cooley-burress-could-go-from-prison-to-redskins-roster?module=HP_headlines

There are some people who would like to point out the new, legitimate youth movement that is taking place in Ashburn these days, especially with the Skins getting 12 draft picks in this years draft, the most since 1783.
http://espn.go.com/blog/nfceast/post/_/id/27765/chat-wrap-redskins-getting-younger

The Death Pool has been relatively calm since Bin Laden's death. There was a slight ripple detected today, though. For those of you who have Amy Winehouse, she had to cancel her entire European Tour because of erratic behavior, slurring language and forgetting the lyrics to her own songs. Here are the details, including video from the disastrous first stop on the tour:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/gossip/2011/06/amy-winehouse-cancels-european-tour-rehab.html

So let's jump to the Entertainment and get out of here. First, it has been 25 years since Ferris Bueller's been released. 25 freaking years. Here's a collection of the stars of the movie, with pictures of them from the movie and what they look like now. Poor Sloan.
http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/collections/gallery/3447/ferris-bueller-stars-now--then

@TornadoHunter posted an album of Joplin, MO one month later:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.182793955107666.58398.125684487485280&l=e4b5ba3fa1

Here's a video that some kids took that shows you how to talk to a cop. Umm, these guys are idiots, clearly. And they've probably know this because of trial and error from the 150+ times they've been arrested for being idiots. But....this is pretty cool and they have cahones that I do not:
http://youtu.be/jAoFslqIANQ

You know what is a great store with great products? Williams and Sonoma. Check out their BBQ recipe page:
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/pages/voltaggio-bbq-recipes.html

Did you see John Wall's first pitch at the Nats/O's game this weekend? If not, here you go:

And that segues nicely into the Ten Worst Ceremonial First Pitches Ever:

So there you go, I'll have some quality blog for you later this week. Have a good Humpday!

All Entertainment

2011-06-16T23:00:00.007-04:00

I'm going for quick, all encompassing Entertainment on this one, as I'm also hanging blinds, moving dressers and shelves. I must finish moving into this house or I'll go crazy.

This week's Clip o' the Week, is some Finnish group singing NMKY. Somebody at work showed me and it's fantastic. I was especially pleased with the four back up dancers/singers. Behold:

Happy Father's day everybody! Here's a video to celebrate Fathers Day. There is a 60-68% chance that I will do this in the near future:

Ok, the next link takes you to the videos that Bill Burr mentions on his podcast. There are some great ones on this particular day, including the kid who runs onto the field and escapes.
http://www.themmpodcast.com/?p=817

On the one hand it would suck to have those reporters following you around asking questions about all kinds of stuff, but on the other hand, they knew that's what they were getting themselves into when they decided to run for public office. Also, the anchor who's introducing the story is a wee bit douchey.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5q0q

Want to see a reporter drop an eff bomb on live TV? Of course you do:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5rjv

Here's a little puppy jumping from couch to table, and failing:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5r6b

Break up notes. Some of these are great:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5quv

For some reason, I can't get enough of the awkward facebook conversations:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6521497/awkward-facebook

And here are some classic yearbook quotes. I guess yearbooks are the pre-cursor to Facebook, right?
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5q6k

It's been called the world's best resume:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6502406/worlds-best-resume

Here's Jake and Amir, and the moment:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6520107/jake-and-amir-sunset

And the Hardly Working Baby Photo:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6521615/hardly-working-baby-photo

This last one is in honor of the great Rep. Wiener. I will miss that Wiener. A lot. But I did learn from the whole affair. For example, before Weiner I didn't know there was a sex scandal face:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ql9

Ok, that's it. Have a great weekend and a Happy Father's Day.

Spiders, The NBA Four Team Draft Results

2011-06-14T22:48:00.005-04:00

Before we get to the arachnid, let's settle up our NBA Four Team Draft. This year, on the strength of our back to back picks (and Dean gets credit for the Mavs pick, I get the OKC Thunder), the powerhouse team composed of myself and the owner of www.franchisefantasysports.com came away with a dominant showing, scoring 241 points in just one season. With the win, Dean and I will be splitting the $100 prize.

The second place finisher (but first place in the name department) goes to my brother David and his team My Magic Johnson. He will come away with $40 for his efforts.

Everyone else will comeback next year, as long as there is a season. But with the NBA, at this point, I'd be fine if they just did a 20 game season and then jumped right into the playoffs. The playoffs were awesome this year.

Here are the final results to the season. For scoring purposes I made the point value=$2. This is on par with what we did for our NFL 4 Team Draft. It means that if you were willing to play with winning points worth $2, you are saying that you are willing to lose up $200. Well, as you can see, there are a couple of players who are thankful that we decided to make it a flat-rate $20 buy in versus the point value.

1) Chris Dean VonAwesome 241 $756
2) My Magic Johnson 203 $224
3) Unky Al Patapoff 189 $28
4) Jonnie Karp 186 $-14
5) Bagel Van Bavel 172 $-210
6) Go Bullets 161 $-364
7) Team Bankruptcy 157 $-420

And one last NBA point, my two favorite theories as to why LeBron LeBombed is that:
A) He was upset because Dwayne Wade yelled at him in front of everybody and that's how he responds when someone yells at him. And

B) he's never been properly coached in his career. So he's got all the basketball talent and skill one could possibly have. But, because he's never been coached on how to play on and with a team, he folds in big moments.

Either way he's a gigantic pussy. And he's lining up to be one of the greatest disappointments in the history of sports.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the NHL Four Team Draft, as we have a game 7 of the Finals coming up, Wednesday night. For our league's purposes it's down to Jonny "How 'bout some chowda?" Karp and his Boston Bruins vs. ChrisDean "I hear Vancouver's a nice city" Von Awesome and our Vancouver Canucks. I would just like to point out that if we had our point value at $2 per game, Dean and I would rack up over $1450 from the two leagues? Dear Jesus. But we'll get to split $100 from each league, not too shabby. Here are the standings for hockey:

1) Go Puck Yourself- 444 pts; $696
2) James Roth- 414 pts; $276
3) About Pucking Time- 402 pts; $108
4) Jon Diggity Karp- 398 pts; $52
5) Unky Al Patapoff- 397 pts; $38
6) Bo Jackson- 358 pts; $-508
7) Puck you- 347 pts; $-662

And now, let me leave you with my spider story. Now, our new house is technically "in the woods". Enough at least, to have a family of foxes living under our shed and a wide range of insects that fly and crawl all over the damn place. And snakes, apparently there are a couple of those, too.

Which is fine, it just takes some getting used to. The boy is acclimating just fine and pretty comfortable with picking up rocks to look on the underside and see what bugs are going on on the other side.

The other night, my wife went out to shut the two doors to the garage. She came back in and looked like she just got a text from Rep. Wiener. She explained that there was a huge spider just hanging out in the door way of the garage, and she didn't see it until she turned on the light and she was face to face with the thing.

I said, "Alright, little lady. Don't you worry your pretty, little face. Your man can take care of this little matter."

I marched outside, with my camera and saw this mother effer:

Apparently it's a wolf spider. They are big (approximately the size of a double light switch plate!), and freaking nasty. When reading up on them, the wife informs me that they are quick, they don't make webs so they have to hunt their food and engage in arm to arm (to arm to arm to arm to arm to arm to arm) combat to the death. Well, my plan was to slam the door on the thing while it's sitting in the door jam, killing it. Then, I'll light the garage on fire and send that spider back to Hell.

Well, long story short, the spider sensed the door was being touched by my and was long gone before the door got within two feet of it. There was some screaming and yelling and running away that was done by the Wife and I and that was that.

But now, every time I open the garage door, I am expecting a pissed off wolf spider to spring from a dark corner, and attack my eyeball. Also, we have an exterminator coming out this week.

Alright, that's all for now, I'll have a lot of Entertainment lined up for you on Thursday.

Mumford And Sons

2011-06-07T22:52:00.002-04:00

This will end up being this week's post, since my normal Thursday night post will be replaced by Mumford and Sons at Merriweather. Of course, to bone up on the concert experience, I always try to listen to some CD's, watch some videos on youtube and learn some new song's title so when they play it at the concert, I can very knowingly declare the title of the song and let everyone know in earshot that it's their new song and I'm totally psyched that they're playing it.

Cause that's how I roll.

So let's dive into Mumford and Sons. First, here's their performance on the Grammy's. This was an awesome performance and caused me to buy their album immediately. That doesn't happen often. But I did, and I liked the album so much I looked them up to see if they were coming to town, and when they announced that they were coming to Merriweather, I bought tickets for it. And it all started with this clip:

There's a lot to like here. First, I dig the instruments. Anytime you have a banjo in the mix, I will pay attention. And the headbanging, this band makes it acceptable to headbang! Since I don't have any Metallica concerts on my horizon, I will use Mumford and Sons as my headbanging outlet.

One interesting thing about that performance, they were immediately followed by the Avett Brothers and then by Bob Dylan. The Avett Brothers are a solid band from NC, but I think they got screwed by following the Mumford and Sons and their song The Cave.

In fact, I think that the Mumford and Sons got into their head and affected the way they played. It was like they were trying to hard to raise their energy level to Mumford and Sons' level and it wasn't working. Here's the link, you don't have to watch the whole thing, you can fast forward to the 2:30 mark:
http://youtu.be/FZ4yekb-9Go

Next up, here's the song Lion Man when they played for KROQ before the Grammy's. They played this song during the movie 500 Days of Summer (not a bad little movie if you have a couple of hours to kill):

Here's the new song I'm going to let everyone know is new when they sing it Thursday night:

I hope to report back next week and let you know how the concert was. Now, here's some Entertainment for you. First up is some video of a 40' water slide into a pool that some kids built: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/2925369/40-foot-slip-n-slide

This one is tough to watch. A couple of idiots who water slide into a pool without any water.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6208826/doubles-waterslide-into-empty-pool

Here's Jake and Amir and Prom:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6517592/jake-and-amir-prom

Here's the latest Redskins drama cooked up by the always disappointing "Dan Snyder". I was going to start calling Danny Boy something other than the Socialist Midget, but I've forgotten what it was. Anyway, here's the story of the Party Deck disproving the long held lie that the Redskins still have a season ticket waiting list:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/party-decks-the-wait-list-and-fedex-field/2011/06/07/AGGLbHLH_blog.html

Did you hear that JP from the Junkies is getting re-married? It's true. He ruins and derails the show for many, many reasons and it's pretty obvious that at least Lurch hates him and Cakes and EB are nearing the end of their rope with him. I still don't know if they should get rid of him, there's a certain chemistry for sure with the four of them, and I'm not sure if getting rid of him would make the show better or not. However, if they announced that he's off the show and pursuing his legal practice, I wouldn't be disappointed in the slightest:
http://www.junkscast.com/archive/2011/06/06/02/jp-announces-his-engagement

Alright, that's it for now. Go Mavs, go O's! Have a nice week and weekend.

The Top 10 TV Shows Right Now

2011-06-01T21:23:00.003-04:00

As we transition into that awkward, summer TV season, the timing is perfect for the Top 10 list. We can hit the recently deceased season and the brand new summer season all at once.

Here are the Top 10 TV Shows Right Now:
10) True Blood- True Blood is at the 10 spot because it hasn't even started. Once it gets going I imagine it will move right on up to the Top 3.

9) How I Met Your Mother- You know I originally had this at number 5, but I decided to switch it with Parks and Rec at number 9 because I liked the Parks and Rec season much better than this season of How I Met Your Mother. Once again, another season comes and goes, without so much as a sight of the Mother. Of course, it could have been on the season finale, but I wouldn't know. Because I have Comcast. And for some reason the Comcast DVR just randomly erases every single show that you've recorded. There's no rhyme or reason for it, no warning. And of course the good people at Comcast don't see anything wrong with the box on their end.

God, I hate them. I'm in the process of trying to find another Cable provider. I'm going to give "Broadstripe" a call. Does anyone know anything about them?

8) The Orioles- I would just like to say that I am thoroughly enjoying ".500 ball" with the Orioles this season. Plus I signed up for the O's text messaging service and it's helped me to stay on top of all important "goings ons".

7) NBA Playoffs- I'm back on board the NBA train! Woo Woo! It's been a while since I've watched most of the NBA playoffs. I realized I was back in the mix when my wife said, "Dear Lord, the playoffs are still going on?" when I had game 1 on last night. I hope the Mavs win, but LeBron and Wade are a pretty deadly duo. I'll be watching to see what happens, fo sho.

6) So You Think You Can Dance- What can I tell you? I've seen the live show. I'm in, I'm a lifetime member of the fanclub.

5) Parks and Rec- This is a really funny/good show and it has some killer comedic actors. Amy Proehler, Aziz Ansari (there are 1,450,000 results for Parks and Rec indian guy), the guy who plays the boss and loves the breakfast food (I also love the breakfast food! I'd bet we'd be fast friends), and Rob Lowe. It's also really well written.

4) Modern Family- great show and one of the best ones out there when it comes to the re-watchability factor.

3) 30 Rock- a forgettable season, I thought. Still very funny, but what really happened? It seems they spent most of the season undoing anything they did the season before.

2) Games of Thrones- I almost bailed on this show after episode 1, but the Wife tipped me off to the Behind the Scenes clips that were available OnDemand. I found out a little more about the background and now I totally dig this show. The "Golden Crown" scene told me that this is one of the best HBO shows they've done in a while.

1) The Office- I thought they did better with Michael Scott leaving than I ever thought they could do. I loved Will Ferrell, I loved all the boss interviews and I thought that the "Dwight Becomes the Boss" episode was one of the best episodes in the history of the show.

Now, some notable shows that aren't on the list, Breaking Bad. I gave up on this one. After 4 episodes, I'm out. It was too depressing all the time without any hope or humor. They should have thrown me something(us, really. The woman didn't like it from the get go, so I persevered solo.). But they didn't and I can't justify putting it on and pretending I like it.

Also, Entourage is not on there, but once those episodes start up, they'll move up.

Alright, let's get right to the clip o' the Week. This week's clip the Lawrence Welk Show's Salute to Spring:

Oh, man, that gets me every time. That's it for now, go O's!

Happy Memorial Day!

2011-05-26T20:00:00.003-04:00

Oh thank god. A three day weekend. And a good one, too. First weekend of BBQ's, maybe the pool, frosty beverages for lunch if you want. There's lots of good that comes from this weekend.

It also gives me a chance to search for badass military videos that help to illustrate just how advanced and sick our military really is (I mean sick, as in "That was a sick rollerblading trick!" kind of way. Not like "I'm felling sick" kind of way).

So let's jump right into the Badass Memorial Day Weekend videos. First up, here's what happens when a sniper starts shooting at you:

I like this one for a few reasons. One, it shows just how futile it can be if you choose to take on The United States of America. Number two, I like the title: "How Many Taliban Does It Take Too..." It makes it seem like a lighthearted comedy, a romp in the desert, if you will. And I'm also going to include the link to this video because I like the rest of the title which can be seen on the link after the video:

And here's the link:
http://www.military.com/video/operations-and-strategy/air-strikes/how-many-taliban-does-it-take-to/895104447001/

And finally, we've seen the performance of the men and women of our military, we've seen the power and technology that our military possess, let's finish up with two things, first, a video of surprise soldier homecomings.

The videos helps civilians like myself to have some perspective of the level of sacrifice soldiers and their family (and golden retrievers) endure.

And finally, here's military.com's article on the history of Memorial Day to round out the YWYT Memorial Day tribute.

http://www.military.com/memorial-day/

Now, for some Entertainment that doesn't have anything to do with Memorial Day. I'm currently reading the Tom Shales book on SNL, an oral history, and it's great. Can't recommend it highly enough.

This new book that he has coming out about ESPN that will probably be equally as awesome. Tony Kornheiser seems to be prominently involved. Here's one such leak:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/dc-sports-bog/post/tony-kornheiser-has-not-forgiven-paul-farhi/2011/05/25/AGZ4zMBH_blog.html

So You Think You Can Dance started tonight. My early, early, early pick is some blond from San Fran named Amber. Mark it down. Unless I'm wrong, then forget I ever wrote this.

Lurch from the Junkies did his trip out to the Midwest to do some tornado chasing, you can catch his recap on the podcast of course, or you can click here and get the recap he did on Fox 5:
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/mornings/jason-bishop-of-the-sports-junkies-travelled-with-professional-storm-chasers-052511

It's called the Walmart Booty Song, and that's all you really need to know.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6509031/wal-mart-booty-song

Don't forget to breath, dude.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6510868/outdoor-weightlifter-passes-out

We haven't done Jake and Amir in a while. Here's the Cereal Thief:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6509592/jake-and-amir-cereal-thief

Hey look! A new Between Two Ferns, this time with Will Ferrell:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ofg

I'm including this one because Rachel Ray is involved, and there's a fair amount of people who dig Rachel Ray:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5o64

And finally, here's the Best Card Trick Ever. It's pretty good.
http://biggeekdaddy.com/humorpages/Humor/BestCardTrick.html

Alright, that's it. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

Why The Rapture Didn't Happen

2011-05-23T21:16:00.003-04:00

This seems like it's too much of a coincidence, don't you think? Rapture's supposed to go down Saturday evening. Randy Macho Man Savage dies in Tampa from a heart attack/car accident less than 24 hours prior. Jesus and some guy in Oakland are supposed to be launching the Rapture at the exact same time Macho Man would have completed the paperwork to enter Heaven and suddenly there's no more Rapture? I think we all know what happened here.

God bless you, Macho Man. And thank you. For those of you not familiar with Macho Man's work, here's everything you need to know about one of my generation's greatest WWF wrestler (Top 5 at least. Snap into a Slim Jim!):

Huh, this is the guy who died of a heart attack? No kidding. Didn't see that one coming.

So let us celebrate the life that was Randy Macho Man Savage, shall we? This video is awesome and so is the song that goes along with it. There are some f-bombs being dropped, though, so be careful if you are at work:

More later this week...

The NHL Four Team Draft Update

2011-05-19T22:43:00.002-04:00

Alright, hockey! 4 Team Draft! Here we go. Without any ado, really, here are the current standings of our 4 Team Draft NHL Style brought to you by franchisefantasysports.com

1) Go Puck Yourself (Dean and Me) 420 points +$22,800
Teams remaining: Tampa Bay and Vancouver. Oh dear God! Ever since the Caps got swept by the Lightening I haven't paid any attention to the NHL or the playoffs. And unfortunately, I didn't pay any attention to this draft and how freaking awesome Dean and I are doing in this one too!

Between the eight remaining teams playing in the NBA and the NHL Dean and I have four of them......(pause for readers to gather themselves)......Four! And unfortunately we are doing the buy in on this one too.

2) James 414 points +$18,600
Teams remaining: None. But hey, James, your teams were good enough to get you in the money, and you should come away with about $40! There you go! Feel the excitement of the big score!

3) About Pucking Time (Bagelero) 402 points +$10,200
Teams remaining: none
If you had Brian Roberts in the "What comes first? The Preakness or BR on the DL" prop bet, you win!

4) Unky Al Patapoff 394 points +$4600
Teams remaining: Sharks. Portland Al always hangs around in these fantasy games, doesn't he? If the Sharks win it all,will Al hit the money? Only time (and people with a calculator and knowledge of how playoff scoring works) will tell.

5) John Diggity Karp 377 points -$7300
Teams remaining: Bruins. Same goes for Johnnie. I remember when John jubilantly chose the Bruins with his first over all pick. Turns out to be his best pick of the draft. Shrewd, Johnnie. Shrewd.

6) Bo Jackson (David Roth)358 points -$20,600
Teams remaining: none. I started watching Games of Thrones, and while I've never read the books, the series is pretty cool. It has taken some getting used to and usually on Sunday nights I am exhausted, so I've fallen asleep during a couple of episodes. But over all, its a perfect series to usher in the summer season.

7) Puck You (Oneface) 347 points -$28,300
Teams remaining: none. And with that, let's usher in some Entertainment. First up is some pole dancing FAIL:

Pole Dancer Fails on Live TV - watch more funny videos

Alright, you know what? That's all for now. Have a great weekend!

The 4 Team Draft NBA Style

2011-05-17T22:07:00.002-04:00

I swear I was going to do this last Thursday night, but then blogger was read only for Thursday and then at least part of Friday. So I couldn't do the update of the 4 Team Draft NBA Style brought to you by Franchisefantasysports.com

Have you noticed that lately there have been unusually high number of electronic failures lately? Is it just me? In the past week to week and a half, my Yahoo email account that I have had since the early 90's was compromised (I had to change my original password because of it. I find it hard to believe that someone figured out Aceofbase4ever and cracked my account).

Blogger for some unknown reason goes to read-only for the first time I've ever seen since this blog started 4 years ago (is that right? 4 years? That can't be right)(Yes, it's been over four years).

My cell phone randomly stops being able to receive my emails.

Our laptop started shutting itself down every 3 minutes if it's not plugged into an outlet. Very annoying if you are searching, downloading or blogging. It's unusable.

And 2 out of my 3 TV's have gone on the fritz (although this is probably Comcasts fault. Oh god, I hate Comcast. I'm still not ready to talk about it. I have to call them (AGAIN) and I'm cancelling cable on 2 out of the 3 TV's, and I have to pay my bill, which I've tried to pay 3 times, but each time their website has thwarted me. And if you'd like a sample of what it's like dealing with them, check out the last blog and look at the douche bag comment that ComcastCares sent. Jackasses).

Anyway, I wonder if this is all somehow connected to the end of the world predictions. I'm just saying. There's a reason I'm going to hold off on spending my money on my Wife's birthday that's at the end of this month. I will be pissed if I tie up my cash flow on a birthday that's never coming.

Alright, I'm diving right into the NBA update and then getting rid of some Entertainment that's been clogging my Yahoo Inbox with new password (it's definitely not GaGa4LadyGaGa so don't even bother trying that password).

Oh good Lord! Look at this! If I had know that we (Dean and I) were doing so well I would have been blogging about this every day! What a display of knowledge and sports prowess! Without further ado, the evisceration of the NBA 4 Team Draft brought to you by franchisefantasysports.com

1) ChrisDean Von Awesome 212 points, +$21,200
Teams remaining: OKC Thunder and the Dallas Mavericks

Well, we're guaranteed to have a team in the Finals. It's not even like I needed a reason to tune in. I have been watching the NBA every night, and have been eating up these series. While I have to say that Derrick Rose and Bulls are the team I like the most, I dig watching the Tarantula play. And I have also enjoyed watching Dirk and his unstoppable move where he sticks his foot out, hokey-pokey style and shakes it all around before he decides which of his 3 moves he's going to use to score on you. So bully for Dean and I! We kick ass.

2) Unky Al Patapoff 189 points, +$6500
Teams remaining: none. But he scored enough to end up in the money this season. But that's beside the point. My wife tells my that Mrs. Patapoff reported on her Facebook page that she just purchased 3 one way tickets to Portland. Well, then. Isn't that interesting.

I did get an email from Al's boss in NYC and he sent me an email of a video that he made when he stopped by Al's apartment the other day. You can see that video here:
http://youtu.be/T5qajitmZd0

3) Johnny Karp 186 points, +$4400
Teams remaining: none. But he got some mileage during the regular season, including his third round pick, the Boston Celtics.

4) My Magic Johnson 183 points, +$2300
Teams remaining: Heat. And David gets the winner of the best team name this year. Well done!

5) Bagel Van Bavel 172 points, -$5400
Teams remaining: Bulls. Good for Bagel! This Bulls team is great to watch. Derrick Rose can change his speed so well, and he's so freaking clutch late in the game. He makes baskets like it's his job! Even though, you know, it is his job. He's just really good at his job, I guess.

6) Go Bullets 161 points, -$13,100
Teams remaining: none. Now would be a good time to let you know that this year, for this Draft we are going with a flat entrance fee of $20 per team. Winner gets $100 and the 2nd place finisher will get $40.

7) Team Bankruptcy 157 points, -$15,900
Teams remaining: none. My brother James didn't fair so well in the NFL 4 Team Draft. Afterwards he said that he was done with this style of fantasy. Somehow he's doing this season, but I fear that it's not going to help him re-up in the fall of 2012 when the NFL returns.

Who will win? Will it be Bulls or the Heat? Dallas or OKC? We shall see. What I do know is that I am rolling in the dough this year!

Alright, my brother sent along this youtube video from Bill Burr's podcast along with this description:

I don't know if you heard Bull Burr's May 9th podcast yet, but he posted this video of Lennon and Chuck Berry killin it on this song while Yoko Ono is on her bongos. He talks about how pussy-whipped Lennon is for not putting that "c-word" in her place. It's hilarious...at about a minute 20, she takes the mic uninvited and lets out this horrible sound and you can see the look on Chuck Berry's face.
http://youtu.be/h9kgu71d81U

Ok, here's our Clip o' the Week. I had been meaning to get this on here for a while. It is an SNL skit that makes me laugh out loud every single time I see it and so far, it's never gotten old. It's the Lawrence Welk Show:

Now, I haven't watched any hockey since the Caps completed their annual "disappointing way to end a season" stretch a couple of weeks ago. But here's a blog about a Lightening fan one upping his Home Owners Association.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/How-Lightning-fan-outwitted-petty-HOA-over-playo?urn=nhl-wp4283

Here's a cool bit of history from our town's newspaper:
http://arbutus.patch.com/articles/then-and-now-relay-house-and-the-lincoln-assassination-conspiracy?ncid=M255

My brother James pointed out that Wolf Trap has a symphony coming there for a show and they will be playing video game songs. This sounds really cool. My vote for coolest video game music goes to Rygar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNrzw8wKjkQ&feature=youtu.be
and the link to the show, should you be so inclined:
http://www.wolftrap.org/Home/Find_Performances_and_Events/Performance/11Filene/0708show11.aspx

This one's called Parkour Guy Poops Himself:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6500337/parkour-guy-poops-self

This one is talented one girl band. Now, take your shirt off and I'll be really impressed:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6500347/talented-one-girl-band

I made this mistake a fair amount of times:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5mw8

Did you see the Maryland Lax "Hidden Ball" trick from this weekend? Is this like that little kid who was QB and pretended to go to the sideline carrying the ball, and then broke into a sprint down the sideline for a TD? It kind of is, isn't it.
http://youtu.be/7T2aLcwpiCI

The 10 Creepiest Things about Zach Morris:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5mk7

My buddy Hardy sent this along and it is also really, really funny:
http://damnyouautocorrect.com/8394/15-most-popular-autocorrects-from-april-2011/

Ok, that's all for now. As long as the Earth doesn't implode between now and Thursday, I'll have more later this week.

Thank you, Comcast. You Can Now Go Back To Running Hell

2011-05-09T22:31:00.003-04:00

And I'm back. Whew. That was a slightly longer hiatus than I originally planned on taking.

I am now officially moved into the new house and we officially sold our old house as of Friday at noon. So with that respect, our nation's long nightmare of me owning two houses at once is now over.

Since things are starting to get back to normal around here, I now get to take this blog out of the box, brush away the packing peanuts and start updating.

Oh, the updates. We have so much to update. The NHL and NBA 4 Team Drafts are starting to come down to some serious contenders. Who are they and what's our current standings? I have no idea. But I'll venture onto the Internet and figure that out for you later this week.

And now that Comcast seems to be working (oh, thank you, Comcast. Thank you for bestowing working Internet in my house. And thank you for only working on 1 of the three TVs that I'm currently paying for, even though it's been 3 weeks now and there's never any real reason for these service interruptions) so I should be back to my regular schedule, bloggy blog-wise.

For tonight, I want to do two things. First, update the Heath Ledger Death Pool and secondly unload about two weeks of Entertainment.

For the Heath Ledger Death Pool, I ask you one question. What's better than the USA (the A stands for Ass-kicking) hunting down and double tapping the worst terrorist in the history of our great country? Scoring Death Pool points off of that double tap.

Only one person had Osama in their Death Pool, and that one person was me. Hollah! And as it turns out that piece of shite was just 54 years young when he bit the big one. 100-54=46. That means, this is what our current standings look like:

1) Me- 1 death, 46 points.
2) Angie (aka Mrs. Karp-dog)- 1 death, 21 points

Four months into the year and we've got two people on the board. Still a lot of time left on the clock, people.

Now, let's jump right into the Entertainment. First up is Danielle Tosh's Dose of Reality from my brother David. It's two minutes and it's great:
http://comedians.jokes.com/daniel-tosh/videos/daniel-tosh---dose-of-reality

Here are Six Girls that You'll Date in College. It's like dating your hoodie.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478387/the-six-girls-youll-date-in-college

Here the eTrade baby loses everything. Meh:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6477219/remix-e-trade-baby-loses-everything

Wanna see a penguin get tickled? Of course you do:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6479500/penguin-getting-tickled

As a fellow grammarian, I applaud Danielle:
http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6477391/facebook-grammar-fight

Another gem from my brother. It was his Easter greeting. Trigger Happy TV, what happened to those guys?
http://youtu.be/5CHXcvzUXFE

The boys will never get their picture with the Easter Bunny. They've never wanted any part of the Easter Bunny. And here are some examples of why that is:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ja3

The Good Doctor sent this link along. Who's got the best Civil War facial hair? Discuss:
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/Who-Had-the-Best-Civil-War-Facial-Hair.html

Who loves Fail Compilations? I do.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6494972/fail-compilation-april-2011

Check out this crazy ping-pong shot:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6493983/crazy-ping-pong-shot

Bagel, you'll love Michelle's Wall posts on this one:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6495095/facebook-ruins-birthdays-christmas-and-harry-potter

Here's Seth Meyer's at the White House Correspondence Dinner blasting away at Trump, Obama and lots of others. I've upgraded this to the Clip o' the Week. It's 20 minutes long, but solid throughout.

Seth Meyers Destroys Donald Trump - watch more funny videos

They say this is a Cubs fan Fail. I think it's Cubs fan Win:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5lkq

Here's a list of toys with unintentional penises. If I was in college and I had a band I think I would call it unintentional penises.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5ktf

These tornadoes have gone too far:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5jq7

Whew, ok. That's all for now, I should be back later this week with our NBA/NHL update. Have a good week!

Moving, The NBA Update and Some Comedy Award Winning Entertainment

2011-04-19T17:35:00.003-04:00

And I'm back. Sorry for that delay, we had to move. And that means boxes, many, many trips to Home Depot and Lowes, and changing over of all our services. The service change over is always tricky.

The biggest dagger of the move was finding out that we can no longer have DirecTV due to the trees on the new yard. This means no more NFL Sunday Ticket. This is a disaster. Now, there's a pretty good chance that this won't impact me next season, since the lock out will probably cancel most if not all of the season.

But I do have to look ahead and wonder what a world without the Redskins is like. Most likely it will be a mixture of dragging a couple the kids to a "Green Turtle-like" establishment, going to friend's houses who live in the DC area and perhaps family. Of course, there's also missing the game altogether, which wouldn't be all that bad if history is any indication of the future.

But that's a topic for a different day.

Today, I want to update our NBA 4 Team Draft standings since the playoffs are definitely under way (I plan to update the NHL 4 Team Draft standings later this week). I also have a bunch of Entertainment that I need to unload, so let's begin, shall we?

First up, the NBA 4 Team Draft Standings- Playoff Style!
Totals To-Date: Points Earnings
Chris Dean VonAwesome 187 pts. $13000
Unky Al Patapoff 185 pts. $11600
Jonnie Karp 180 pts. $8100
My Magic Johnson 173 pts. $3200
Team Bankruptcy 154 pts. $-10100
Bagel Van Bavel 152 pts. $-11500
Go Bullets 148 pts. $-14300

And that's all I'm going to be able to give you because franchisefantasysports.coom is experiencing a glitch due to the playoffs beginning. I'm sure that'll get worked out in no time.

And for the Entertainment, since this blog is probably going to be condensed and unreadable, I'm just going to give you some good videos. First, here's a Tosh video my brother David sent me.

http://comedians.jokes.com/daniel-tosh/videos/daniel-tosh---pitt-beckham-baby

Up next these two videos were up for the Best Viral Video of the Year award on Comedy Central's Comedy Awards. I was disheartened to see that there were two videos that were nominated that I didn't feature on this blog. I feel like I let you down.

I will strive to make sure that I am on top of next year's nominees and we don't have this embarrassing situation pop up again. First, here's a Trailer for Every Oscar Nominated Movie ever made:

And lastly, here is a comedy group called Harvard Sailing Team and Boys Will Be Girls:

Alright, that's all for now, more to come later this week, including the NBA scoring update in the 4 Team Draft.

Damn You Blogger!

2011-04-07T22:44:00.002-04:00

Is blogger still broken? Maybe. I think if I lose the ability to put spaces between my paragraphs that one of my few remaining options will be to turn this blog into a haiku. It's the only thing that make sense. Anyway, here's your Clip o the Week. It's an April Fools Day joke that worked out pretty well and played out on the morning news:

Shally Falls for April Fools Prank - watch more funny videos

My buddy Bagel successfully cut down all the trees and limbs that he needed to chop down without causing any damage to his house. That's good for him, bad for comedy. The good news is that this video just showed up online (stick around after this video to watch stupid kids light each other on fire): http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5hnx Did you ever see Cakes' Crib on lilbitmoneyfilms.com? If not, here's you chance: http://lilbitmoneyfilms.com/cakescribs.html Alright, that's all for now. We're moving on Tuesday, so this weekend is going to be crazy. What's also going to be crazy is the transfer of services. I'm informed by Verizon that even though we are moving less than a mile away from our current house, they do not have Verizon Fios. So, my Internet is getting downgraded to "DSL". Not good. I don't know what that means to my blogging or iTunes downloading time, but I should have that sorted out next week. Have a good weekend, go O's!

You Had Me at "Markakis Makes The Catch!"

2011-04-05T22:04:00.004-04:00

Is blogger still broken and cramming everything together? We will find out when I hit "publish post". As for this blog, it's going to be a bunch of quick hitters, partly because I don't know if blogger's going to screw up the format of this blog, so why go all out until that problem fixes itself. Other part of it is that we move in one week and I have an ass-load of packing to do. So with out further ado, The Blog: - O's fever had gripped Baltimore. The combination of last year's strong finish, a quiet, yet hopeful off-season and a three game winning streak had this town buzzing on Monday for the season opener. I heard one radio guy say it best, when he said Baltimore "is craving for the Orioles to be good". And he's exactly right. Monday, in my neighborhood 80% of the people I saw were wearing Orange and Black. When I made a late night trip to Home Depot for hooker sex, I mean polyeurethane for the hard wood floors, some random guy came up asking me wear I got my O's shirt from, because he liked it (Thanks, man. Dicks Sporting Goods about 4 years ago). We ended up talking O's for a couple of minutes. That hasn't happened since I moved to Baltimore 12 years ago. It's fantastic. It kicked off for me on Saturday night, when I was watching the 2nd game of the Devil Rays series. No, it wasn't when Bagel spoiled the no-hitter by calling me in 8th to let me know there was a no-hitter in the works (while he was literally saying the words, "There's a no-hitt......oh no. No. No. That was the worst thing tha could have ever happened" he watched the Rays break up the no hitter with a single in the hole. Move over Patapoff, you're off the hook for being the only guy I know who was responsible for breaking up a no-hitter). No, the season was officially on in the bottom of the 9th, with the winning run at the plate, this play happened: Ugh,now I remember that the MLB sucks as an organization. For some reason their videos are only available on mlb.com. And they don't allow you to embed anything. Really, MLB? This is your marketing/social media strategy heading into 2011? None of your fans can see or access any of the amazing plays that take part throughout the season? Douchebags. Here's the link: http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=13416013 - Congratulations to Aaron Rupp who was the 2011 winner and champion of the You're Wasting Your Time NCAA March Madness Pool! Aaron fell well behind the pack early on in the tourney, but he was the only one that picked UCONN to win. For that shrewdness, Aaron get's the satisfaction of knowing that he is the king for a year of this blog's March Madness Tourney. Did you see this video of a 45 foot shark cruising under the kayaker? Some how, even if someone told me "Don't worry, it's not a man eater!" I wouldn't feel any better about this situation: Ok, that's all I've got, hopefully this formatting issue gets resolved soon, eh?

The MLB Four Team Draft

2011-03-31T22:02:00.003-04:00

You know what snuck up on me? The start of the baseball season. Maybe it's the gawd-awful weather we've been having. Maybe it's trying to sell our house in one of the worst housing markets since the Great Depression (I made that up, but it sounds dramatic, doesn't it? I like when people throw out completely unverifiable facts like that for dramatic effect. Maybe I'll start doing that more). Or maybe it's just that my interest in baseball is on life support. This year though, this year has an opportunity to gain a little foothold in my interest level. This year the Orioles have a chance, under the guidance of Buck, to actually be respectable and make some games exciting. Maybe even compete for a winning record. Add in the very real possibility that baseball could be the only sport on the radar from July through October, and that's just enough for me to perk up, just a bit. With the start of the baseball season, we get to have a Four Team Draft brought to you by franchisefantasysports.com Already franchisefantasysports.com has made the NFL, NBA, NHL, and March Madness infinitely more interesting, now it has the chance to make baseball interesting. This year, there is one dramatic rule change, we are doing a buy-in this year vs. making the point total worth $X. See, I know nothing about how the various MLB teams are going to do. So when I lost over $200 last year, I swore off the game. The buy-in option keeps my losses to a set agreed upon amount, with three out of the seven of us coming away at least breaking even. So let's dive in, shall we? This year's draft order will be last year's results, with the worst team last year getting this year's first pick. Observe: 1) Dean (last year: No Crying in Baseball) 2) Jonnie Karpdog (last year: Pedroia's Laser Show) 3) Me (Gayland Cornholers) 4) Bagel (Bagel's Team) 5) David (Moonlight Graham) 6) Patapoff (Aldogg's Posse) 7) Oneface (T-ball Legend) And here's this week's (audio) Clip o' the Week, in honor of Opening Day: Alright, on to the Entertainment for all you readers not participating in the Draft. Firstly, here's a couple of twin babies discussing the finer points of our invasion in Libya (are we calling it an invasion? Or is it an attack? Or a liberation? I don't pay attention anymore): http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6465342 We've seen this one before, right? It's still fantastic and deserving of the re post: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6048762 Here's Obama not being able to say Libya: http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5gaw Here's a compilation of Fox News Fails: http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5g5x Ok, that's all I've got. The NyQuil is kicking in. Have a good weekend, I'll be back next week.

NCAA Update and Stuff!

2011-03-29T22:32:00.006-04:00

Alright, I actually can't wait to see how our standing look after this past weekend's wacky finishes. So, let's dive in and see who's still alive and who has been given new life! Here are the current standings, with only 3 games to go: 1) Rupp- 66 pts, Champion pick: UConn Rupp to be honest, I don't even know how this will work out, other than if UConn wins, Rupp wins. If UConn loses then he's done at 66, since UConn is his only team remaining. In other news, Rupp is still looking for people to help him move. C'mon, you know you're not really busy that weekend. 1) Me- 66 pts, Champion pick: Ohio State (OUT) My only remaining team is UConn, so I think the best I can do is tie, if UConn loses or wins one and then loses. I think. 3) Ren- 62 points, Champion pick: UNC (OUT) Ren also only has UConn. So, I think that'll do it. 4) Big Mike- 58 points, Champion pick: Ohio State (OUT) No Final Four Teams. Good times. 5) Karpdog- 57 points, Champion pick: Kansas (OUT) Karp's got UConn and a 9 point deficit and that's it. 6) Jenelle- 55 points, Champion pick: Kansas (OUT) Jenelle's done. No Final Four teams. 7) Heather- 51 points, Champion pick: Pittsburgh (OUT) Done, no Final Four. 8) Bagel- 49 points, Champion pick: Ohio State (OUT) And he's done, too. 8) Deano- 49 points, Champion pick: Pittsburgh (OUT) Dean's done here, too. I would like to take this time to point out that Dean's franchisefantasysports.com College Basketball Tournament would have been a better pool to do this year. Why? Because you get 8 guys playing (just like the 4 team draft) and everyone picks 8 teams. That way, someone would have Butler right now. Someone would have picked VCU and someone would have Kentucky. Instead, take a look. 1 out of 11 people in these brackets have Champion who is still in this thing. That's it, from now one this blog will have this bracket and the 8 Team Draft contest. 10) Patapoff- 47 points, Champion pick: Ohio State (OUT) Not a place you'd expect to see Patapoff during a fantasy bracket. This is where he shines. Are you in Oregon yet, Patapoff? For crying outloud. 2 weeks is all you need. Get 'er done. 11) Noah- 40 points, Champion pick: Duke (OUT) Ok, Noah, that's what you get for picking and therefore rooting for Duke. Alright, now onto some Entertainment. The first thing that caught my eye this week was Rolling Stone's piece on the Kill Team. When Rolling Stone decides to drop the hammer, they drop the effing hammer. So check this out, and if you're like me, you'll check out the video of the motorcycle kill and the torture photos: http://www.rollingstone.com/kill-team Here's a funny foreighn show that films people's reaction to a creapy girl in a nightgown in an old hotel: And finally, my brother sent along these three videos and describes them as thus: I don't know if you guys have seen this yet, but it is really funny. Basically, they get some history buff really drunk and have him talk about a historical event. Then they get great comedians to act out their story. Zack Galifinakis, Michael Cera, Jack Black, Don Cheadle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V_DsL1x1uY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjZR1Rjj_p0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL68NyCSi8o Ok, that's all I got. Have a good week!

Death Pool Update!!!

2011-03-24T23:39:00.002-04:00

We have not yet closed out the 1st quarter of this year, and we have our first score in the 2011 Heath Ledger Death Pool. The beautiful and completely wacked out Liz Taylor died yesterday.

So, of course the first thing to do whenever any celebrity passes on, you go to the Death Pool and see if anyone has capitalized on that death. By way of death points.

Well, out of all of our contestants, only one person had Liz Taylor. So without further ado, here are the current standings:

1) Mrs. Karp-dog (aka Angie)- 1 death, 21 points (Liz was 79 years young. 79-100=21 points).

Well done, Angie! Man, everyone had Zsa Zsa going first, way to think outside the box.

Now for some Entertainment. Now that we have a decent yard in our new house, I've been tossing around the idea of getting a dog. I tend to dwell on the negatives of a pet (the walks, the dog shite, the getting sick on your sofa parts of pet ownership) and not the potential positives. Like this one, for example. Dogs are freaking hilarious:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

This chick is known as the ultimate party chick. Look for her in your IT department 15 years from now.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1949630

And who doesn't love a nice, cool guitar melody of Simpsons songs:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1949632

A guy at my job and I were talking about moving and that reminded me of the Friends episode when Ross tried to get a couch up the stairs. I thought I'd share (pivot!):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbfCsrabkbI

Hey, Orioles fans (and Boston and New York fans whenever your douchey teams blow into town), check out the updated menu at Camden Yards. Chance of me eating a Bird Dog on my first visit to the Yard? 100%.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bs-ae-orioles-signature-foods-20110323,0,5119995.story

Alright, that's all for now. Have a good weekend. Goddamn the snow. Amen.

Our Sweet 16

2011-03-22T23:35:00.005-04:00

Two rounds down, 4 to go. Now, I haven't been able to watch more than a half of these games this season. And with Bradley and Maryland out of the tourney, I haven't even followed the season all that closely. Other than what I hear on the Junkies and the knowledge that I've gleaned over the years (no matter what sport the PAC 10 will be weak, every year they will underestimate just how good the ACC really is, and the Big 10 or Big East will be disappointing) I know next to nothing about this year's tournament.

Am I going to let that get in the way of my picking a completely awesome pool? Hell to the no. Without further ado, here are the current standings of the 2011 You're Wasting Your Time pool.

1) Me- 46 points, 35 correct picks, Champion- Ohio State
2) Patapoff (off course, Patapoff always thrives at the fantasy sports)- 43 points, 34 correct picks, Champion- Ohio State
2) Heather- 43 points, 34 correct picks, Champion- Pittsburgh (OUT)
4) Rupp- 42 points, 33 correct picks, Champion- UConn
4) Big Mike- 42 points, 33 correct picks, Champion- Ohio State
4) Ren- 42 points, 33 correct picks, Champion- North Carolina
7) Karpdog- 41 points, 31 correct picks, Champion- Kansas
8) Jenelle- 39 points, 30 correct picks, Champion- Kansas
9) Bagel- 37 points, 30 correct picks, Champion- Ohio State
9) Deano- 37 points, 29 correct picks, Champion- Pittsburgh (OUT)
11) Noah- 36 points, 30 correct picks, Champion- Duke

Now, Noah is the only one who picked Duke, so if Duke wins, Noah could go from worst to first in a couple of short weeks. Stay tuned.

Now, here's your daily dose of Entertainment. First thing that I'd like to post is not necessarily funny, just eerie. One of the interesting things about facebook, twitter and youtube is that after someone dies, you can often still see their facebook page, any youtube videos or twitter feed that they had. As someone who pours over the Post and the Sun for freakish car accidents, brutal murders, anything that scares the hell out of me that it might happen to me. I want to know exactly what happened, so that I can do my best to make sure it doesn't happen to me. Am I the only one that does that?

Anyway, maybe you heard about the murder mystery that occurred in Bethesda a couple of weeks ago. Two girls who worked at a yoga shop in Bethesda, where found beaten. One of the girls was beaten to death with a hammer and stabbed with a screw driver (to the point were her spinal column was severed). Her coworker survived and was found bound and battered in the back of the store.

She told the story of two men coming into the store late at night, after the girls had returned to get a personal item that they had left behind when the store closed. Everyone was shocked that such a grisly murder could occur in a place like Bethesda and that the murderers were still on the loose.

After a week, the police announced that they had made an arrest. It quickly came out that the murderer was the co-worker who was found beaten and bound. You can find out all about it by clicking here:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/2011/03/18/ABd2rJs_story.html

The eeriness comes in that you can view her twitter account here:
http://twitter.com/#!/jtmurray17

And watch her bungee jump on her 30th birthday, here:

It's kind of weird. I once went through some woman who was killed by her estranged baby-daddy in Carol County. It was equally eerie, because you could see her wall posts and how you could see her murder coming in hindsight.

Ok, now some cheerier Entertainment. My brothers and I have recently had a new found appreciation for Galyfinakis. If you saw his monologue on SNL a couple of weeks ago, his Ask Body Spray joke was hilarious. Anyway, here's a quick clip from the Hangover (a movie that gets funnier with each viewing, btw):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuI0fssTXtQ

My brother David sent along this Loko Chili recipe. We should do this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eah23WvLYsQ

My buddy Bagel sent along the Bacon Explosion recipe. Dear God:
http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

Hey look! A dare devil penguin!
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1949119

Baby's laughing at nose blowing is hilarious:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1949416

This article is funny. And true:
http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1814351

Want to read about Snyder being a douche?
http://www.redskinsgab.com/2011/03/21/dan-snyder-takes-on-the-washington-post/

My brother David sent me this video of some Australian kid getting bullied. I'm not quite sure what the hell is going on here;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE9ynTbMmuY

Alright, that's it for now, more later this week.

Player Results for Week 21:	Win	Loss	Tie
Brown Dolphins suck Giant Eagles	1	0	0
Al-dogg Patapoff Team	0	0	0
Best NFL Portfolio Ever!	0	0	0
Chris Team	0	0	0
Cybergoth Dance Party	0	1	0
Invincible	0	0	0
Man Relish	0	0	0
Thanks again Roth, bastard! team.	0	0	0